What If?
by kathiann
Summary: What if Jane had come home earlier on that fateful night? What might have happened? This is definitely an AU, so if you don't like that sort of thing, don't read it. COMPLETE!
1. Prologue

**Prologue:** What if Jane had come home sooner that fateful night? What might his life have turned out to be? This is just the set up—the next chapter will be longer.

He was coming off the high that doing a show always left him with. It was the power, knowing that all those people in there believed his lie, believed that he was really spiritually communicating with dead relatives and psychically communicating with cheating spouses.

There was a party now. There always was and he usually enjoyed them—the after parties with all the adoring fans—but tonight something was off. He had felt it all night. From the first woman wanting to know if her husband had died right away in the car crash that killed him to the last woman who wanted to communicate with her dead father, he had felt it. He wasn't psychic, really. He was just really good at pretending, at seeing. He wasn't often wrong and tonight he had felt an odd vibe from his wife when he called before the show.

So, instead of staying and schmoozing with all the wealthy and well to do, he begged out early and headed home while it was still light out. The sun was just setting when he pulled up to his house and right away he knew something was wrong. Abigail was still petrified of the dark and with the amounts of shadows being cast on the house from the surrounding trees, the house should be aglow for another three hours until she and his wife went to bed.

He entered the house cautiously, moving his daughter's tricycle out of the main walkway and making a mental note to remind her that in the house was not the right place to be riding it. He heard a muffled noise coming from up the stairs. It sounded like his wife, but it was an almost painful, scared sound. He looked around and for something to take with him upstairs in case something was really wrong. He opened the hall closet and removed one of his golf clubs from the bag. He didn't really care for the game, but all the right people played it so he did too.

He crept up the stairs, noticing the light coming from under the door at the end of the hall. He grabbed the gold club with one hand raising it above his head and flung the door open. He wasn't even thinking when he saw the man posed above his wife and daughter with a knife in his hand. He brought the golf club down on his head, rendering him unconscious. He rushed to his wife's side to make sure she was ok, before pulling the phone off the night stand next to the bed and calling 911.


	2. Five Years Later

**Authors Note: **I can't believe all the people who asked how this was a Jisbon fic if Jane's wife was still alive. I never said it was going to be a Jisbon fic. Just because I labeled it as a romance and put Jane and Lisbon as the characters in it does not mean that it's a Jisbon fic. That being said, I think I have yet to write a story that did not involve a ship of some sort, so yea. Not saying that it is a Jisbon fic, not saying that it's not. Anyway, thanks for all the reviews, the response was phenomenal, and to Ebony10 who betaed for me and encouraged me to post this.

**Disclaimer:** They are not mine. Obviously. If they were I wouldn't be writing this.

**Chapter 1: Five Years Later**

He slammed the door on his way out of the house. It wasn't supposed to have ended up like this. He had saved his family from being butchered by the very evil that he had been speaking about during that last taping. They were supposed to live happily ever after.

His agent had called it a miracle, had said it would do wonders for his career and that he should be glad that he came home when he did—too soon and he too would be dead. Too late and, well, he didn't want to think of it even now, five years later.

He had told his agent flat out that he would no longer be playing a psychic. On TV or for individuals. He just wouldn't risk his family that way ever again. He wife had agreed at first. She had known from the day they met that he wasn't really a psychic, but she had always encouraged him to pretend. She liked the money and the prestige that came from being his wife. She had enjoyed throwing the lavish parties and shopping at the exclusive stores.

That was what the problem was now. He had stopped playing a psychic and with it went all the fine parties and the high class "friends." He had stopped working entirely for the year following the attempted murders of his wife and daughter, had testified in court, had done all the required news magazines and early morning talk shows. Had done an exclusive with Katie Couric and even written a book.

It turned out surprisingly well. In fact, it had gone so well that he didn't really need to work if he played his cards right. He had invested a good deal of the money that he made from his life as a fake. Most of the money from the book and subsequent Lifetime movie had gone into savings or also been invested. They had enough to pay for Abigail to go to pretty much any college that she wanted. Heck, they had enough to send three kids to college, but that hadn't been the way it worked.

That first year had been fine. They were just all glad to be alive. They enjoyed each other as a family. Abigail had just been six when it had happened and showed surprisingly little damage. She still went to see her therapist weekly, just as a precaution. But his wife, that was different.

She had started to pressure him to go back to work. He hadn't told anyone that he was a fake, but had alluded to his "powers" not being what they seemed. He had never wanted to go back to that, to put his family in danger, but his wife…She missed the parties, the galas, the society. She needed him to have a respectable or enviable job so, instead of resuming his psychic readings, he had shopped himself around to the various police departments in the area.

He had done freelance work for a while with whatever police department that would have him. This seemed to be okay, but by the end of the second year his wife was pressuring him to actually work. She hated that he was home more than he was working on cases. He tried to tell her that he wanted to be near her and Abigail, but she didn't care. It was as if she didn't remember that she had almost been killed. So he had signed on with the CBI.

At first, he just went from one unit to the next, working his magic on whichever case was having the problem. Then he ended up working a case with the Serious Crimes Unit headed by none other than Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon.

He had heard about her—that she was as cold and frigid as an iceberg, that she was really a man, that she had killed the last head of the unit so she could get his job. But he didn't believe any of the rumors. What he had seen the first time he met her before their first case together was a sad woman who had been hurt so much in her life that her heart had frozen up. He had loved her the first time he laid eyes on her. Not in the romantic sense. He knew she wouldn't take his crap and he needed that.

So he had been working with the Serious Crimes Unit for the past two years. It was coming up on five years since Red John had tried to kill his family and he could sense in his wife her desire for him to change again. She had been pushing him to "perform" at a party that one of her friends was having. She had never been thrilled that he had settled on law enforcement. But she realized that the more cases he helped solve, the more fame he got and her place in society was slowly improving.

Jane, on the other hand, was yearning for something else entirely. He wanted another child. It had been hard convincing his wife to have Abigail in the first place and she had shown no interest in adding to their family. She hardly paid any attention to Abby. At times it was as if she didn't even exist in her mother's world.

That had been what the fight was about tonight. It was a Tuesday and Sarah had let Abby spend the night at her friend's house.

"_She 11 years old, Patrick! I think she's old enough to spend the night her friend's house."_

"_She has school in the morning! She's not going to do her homework if she's off playing computer games and goofing off with her friend to all hours of the night. I thought we agreed that there wouldn't be any sleepovers on school nights."_

"_You weren't here. I made an executive decision."_

"_You just didn't want her to interfere with your precious party!"_

"_Lower your voice. People are starting to stare."_

That had been the last straw. For every night this past week, he had come home from work to find Sarah entertaining friends. She didn't even tell him. It was as if she didn't care if he was there or not. He stood on the front steps, trying to decide where to go. If Abby had been there, he would have gone back inside, but she wasn't. She had her cell phone with her so if she needed him, she could get a hold of him.

He thought about going to the bar in town that the team frequented after cases, but he had no desire to get drunk tonight. They were up for review tomorrow as a team and he wanted to remain working with the enigma that was Agent Lisbon. He needed to have his wits about him. In the end, he climbed into the classic car and drove back to the CBI offices. He had been spending more and more time there. Anytime Abby wasn't home it seemed that he was there, sleeping on that worn leather couch. He checked to make sure he had his overnight bag in the back of his car and sighed.

The car was another thing that his wife had been upset about. It appeared she didn't care if he owned it, just as long as he didn't drive it. But he had no desire to drive the expensive flashy car that still sat in the drive way. It was a reminder to him of everything that had gone wrong in his life.

He pulled into the parking lot of the CBI building and parked. He knew that no one would be there tonight. They had wrapped up their last case yesterday and today had been spent catching up on paper work. No one had stayed past 7:00 today aside from himself and Agent Lisbon. He told himself that he stayed to keep her company, not because he didn't want to go home. And now he was back, less than two hours after leaving.

He sighed as he made his way to the bullpen and lay on the couch that he had claimed as his after the first successfully solved case on the team. He pulled out his wallet and flipped it open to a much worn and much looked at picture—one of simpler, happier times. It was him and his wife with their daughter when she was only five.

He closed his eyes, rubbing his thumb over the picture and was almost asleep when a voice startled him from his slumber.

"What the hell are you doing here, Jane?"


	3. The Truth

**Authors Note: **This chapter fueled by chocolate and caramel. They should give the person who originally put those two together the Nobel peace prize, because I know that it could end wars. Thanks for all the reviews and to Ebony10 for the beta.

**Disclaimer:** Yea, Right.

**Chapter 2:** **The Truth **

"What the hell are you doing here, Jane?"

Jane jumped slightly, but recovered quickly. "I could ask you the same question, Agent Lisbon. I thought you went home hours ago."

"It's almost midnight, Jane." She said, coming closer and leaning on the edge of his rarely used desk. "I know you left before I did. Why are you back here?"

"I forgot my favorite pen." He said quickly reaching around her on the desk and pulling a pen from the pencil cup behind her. His hand brushed against her hip on the way back around her and he ignored the way that even the slightest touch caused a feeling to stir in him that he hadn't felt in way too long.

She snorted, not believing his story. "If you forgot your favorite pen, then I'm here because I was worried about the team review tomorrow."

It was Jane's turn to snort and, for the first time that night, he took a real good look at her. She was wearing a delightfully tight pair of dark blue jeans that hugged her every curve and a deep blue top that was both chaste and revealing at the same time. Her eyes were tinted in smoky colors and her hair was slightly curled and pulled back from her face. She had been on a date.

"Whatever man turned down your advance tonight, my dear, was an idiot. You look absolutely stunning. In fact, if I wasn't married, I might just ask you out myself." He grinned at her, a feature that seemed almost foreign to his lips lately. He had been spending so much time arguing that he was surprised that he even remembered how to smile.

"Thanks, Jane. But I wasn't turned down, not outright anyway. We're taking it slow." She was clearly not happy about that. A woman doesn't dress like that for a date just to receive a chaste kiss on the check. She had obviously been expecting something more from him.

"Wait. Is this the same guy you've been dating for the past six months? He still hasn't wanted to have sex with you? Are you sure he's male? Because the way you're dressed tonight…let's just say, it's a good thing I'm a faithful man."

Lisbon struggled to keep the blush from rising in her checks. From the first day he had arrived on her team she had been attracted to him. He was just plain sexy and he knew it. He wasn't overtly confidant in the fact, but the way he held himself was obvious. He was attractive and he knew it. "I told you, we're taking it slow. Of course, much slower and I may just have to take matters into my own hands."

The both laughed at that. Jane was confident that if she wanted something she would be able to get it. "So, you know why I'm here. Why are _you_ here, Jane? You never did say."

"Yes, I did." He said, waving his pen at her. "I forgot my pen."

"I don't buy that for a minute. Why don't you try telling me the truth? I am a friend, after all."

"The truth? Darth Vader, Luke's father." He gave her an innocent look. She just rolled her eyes and pushed herself away from the desk, ready to head to her office. "Ok, ok, come on and sit down." He said, patting the seat beside him on the sofa. Reluctantly, she sat next to him. She disliked being so close to him. It made her want to do things—like touch him—that would be inappropriate if he wasn't married and even worse since he was.

"I had another fight with Sarah." He said quietly. He had told Lisbon before about how Sarah disliked him being in law enforcement, how she thought it was beneath him. It wasn't like him to share such personal information with a coworker and it wasn't like her to listen and care, but there was just something different about their relationship. It was more friendship than boss and subordinate or even merely coworkers.

"About Abby again?" She asked sympathetically. He had told her before how his wife didn't really seem to care about their child. Lisbon couldn't understand that. She was a beautiful child and really very sweet. Not everyone was that lucky. Jane had brought her into the office before and she had always been able to charm people as well as her father.

"She let her go to a sleepover." Jane said, thinking for the first time how silly the excuse for their most recent fight had been.

"It's a Wednesday. She has school in the morning and it's the last month of school—the most important time. And doesn't she have dance practice tomorrow after school? I bet she didn't bring her dance bag with her to her friend's house." Lisbon clearly understood why a sleepover on a school night was a bad idea.

"I know, right. Sarah just didn't want Abby interfering with the precious party she was throwing. I didn't even know she was throwing a party tonight. I come home after a full day of work to a house full of people—only half of which I know—and find out that my daughter's not home. She didn't even call me to tell me that she was letting Abby go to her friend's or that she was having people over." He was getting worked up again. Obviously, talking about it was not working. Lisbon sensed that he was getting more upset thinking about it. She placed her hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eyes.

"Calm down, Jane. Getting angry will not solve any problem. You love your wife and your daughter. There are some things worth fighting over. This is not one of them. You will make it though this. It's just an argument. Every couple argues." She didn't add that fighting every day and only sleeping at home when your child was there was not normal, but who was she to say anything? She wasn't married. She couldn't even get her boyfriend to have sex with her.

Jane looked at her. She had moved closer during their brief exchange and they were now almost touching noses. He reached up a hand and brushed it across her face. She really was so beautiful and she seemed to understand him and his daughter. He moved his head in towards her. If he didn't know better, he would think that he was going to kiss her.

At that moment a shrill ring made the two of them jump apart, embarrassed about what they had been about to do. Lisbon jumped off the couch and resumed her place on the edge of the desk as Jane answered the phone.

"Hey, sweetie, what are you doing up so late? Yeah, I just realized that you probably didn't bring it with you. Did you do your homework? I don't want you falling behind this late in the game. Ok, I'll stop now. I love you. Good night." He sighed as he ended the call and slipped his phone into his pocket. "She forgot her dance stuff. I'll have to bring it to the school tomorrow."

Lisbon just nodded in an 'I told you so' manner. She knew that Abby would forget her dance bag. She could count on one hand the number of times Jane hadn't had to bring her dance stuff to school because she had forgotten it, it always made him late for work.

"I'm going to do some paperwork for a few minutes, Jane. Try to get some sleep. You're worth more to us awake than sleeping, especially tomorrow." With a sad sort of smile, she walked towards her office, leaving him to think about what had happened between them. Had he really almost kissed another woman? Not just any woman, but Lisbon? This was not a good thing.


	4. The Dance

**Authors Note: **This chapter fueled by Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Thank the lord for Harry Burnett Reese who created them in his basement. Thanks to every one who reviewed this and to Ebony10 for being my beta.

**Disclaimer:** I can't get my lap top to play my movie. I'm pretty sure the people who own this show and these characters don't have to wait for HP's on line chat thing to tell them why their lap tops wont recognize disks.

**Chapter 3-The Dance **

In the past few months, Patrick Jane had spent a great deal of time in the CBI offices. He was not doing more work (their case load had not increased), but his home life had been deteriorating. It was not uncommon for him to go home late, get into a fight with his wife, and come back again. If his daughter was home, he would make an effort to stay. She needed him. His wife was, to say the least, inattentive.

Right now Jane was lying on the couch he had claimed as his after another fight with his wife. It had been only a few days before that Lisbon had come in fresh from her date with Mr. I-want-to-wait. Two days since he had almost kissed her only to be interrupted by the one person he was staying in his horrible marriage for.

Abby had a dance recital in the morning. The entire dance troupe was at the instructor's house for the night. That was one of the good things about living in the area he did. Everyone had houses large enough to hold 15 preteen girls. He was secretly hoping that Lisbon would come in again tonight. He wanted to invite her to come watch Abby. She was an amazing dancer and had a solo in the recital tomorrow. He knew his wife wouldn't be there. She was too busy with some sort of charity function to bother coming. Abby deserved to have as many people in the audience cheering for her as possible.

He was lying there, thinking, when he heard the familiar footsteps coming down the hall and smiled. He knew she would come. She had a date with Mr. I-want-to-wait again tonight and if the last time was any indication, tonight would not have a happy ending, either.

"Sleeping at the office on the weekend, I see. Really, Jane, you should try to sleep at home." He knew she was trying to make light of the fact that she, too, was at the office on a weekend.

"Still waiting, I see. Maybe you should take him out and get him drunk. Might lower his inhibitions," Jane said, without opening his eyes.

"Doesn't Abby have a dance recital tomorrow?" She asked, her voice much closer this time.

He opened his eyes and looked at her, amusement in his voice. "She does, how did you know?"

"You asked for the day off even though it was a Saturday so that you could be there. Aren't there last minute details you should be attending to?"

"No, she's spending the night at her instructor's house with the rest of her troupe. All I have to do is show up tomorrow." Lisbon nodded her head in understanding.

"So, what was the fight about this time?" She asked. She knew it would come out eventually and saw no reason to beat around the bush.

"Sarah's not coming tomorrow. Says she's too busy to come to see her own daughter perform. She's got a solo tomorrow, you know."

"I didn't know that. She must be very good." Lisbon was leaning up against the desk like she had just two nights ago. Jane couldn't help it. He thought she was hot. He knew it was wrong. He was married and she was his boss, but she had gone all out for her date again tonight. Tonight it was a black sleeveless dress that showed off her well-toned arms and legs. It wasn't short by any means, but it still showed enough skin to drive a man crazy. And then there were the shoes. Red heels that had to be at least 5 inches tall. He'd never even seen Lisbon were sensible heels, let alone stilettos.

"Why don't you come with me tomorrow? I've got two tickets. I'd hate for there to be an empty seat next to me. Abby deserves to have two people there cheering for her."

"I'd love to go if you're sure your wife won't mind. I mean, she could always change her mind." Lisbon didn't want to step on the woman's toes. She had only met her a few times, but knew she could be cruel and petty when she wanted and Lisbon had no desire to be on the receiving end of her anger and vengefulness.

"I'm sure she's not coming. In fact, she's going out of town for a week for her charity thing. Some sort of mountain retreat. She doesn't even like the mountains, but she would still rather spend time there than with us." He sounded defeated, something Lisbon didn't like to hear.

"Well, if you're sure. When do you want to meet me?" She asked, knowing that she would have gone anyway.

"Why don't I pick you up? There's not much parking, you know? And that way, I won't have to give you directions." Jane smiled up at her, knowing she was going to say yes.

"Ok, fine." She sat there watching him for a few more minutes. "What do you wear to something like this anyway? I wouldn't want to embarrass Abby."

Jane wanted to tell her to show up in what she was wearing, in the little black dress and red high heels, but didn't. "Standard work clothes are fine. That way, you look nice, but not too formal or casual. I'll be wearing my usual suit." He sighed, thinking about another fight that he often had with his wife. He had stopped wearing the flashy suits when he had stopped playing psychic. Instead, he wore casual three piece suits—if a three piece suit could be called casual. His wife had accused him of dressing below himself.

"Get some sleep, Jane. It won't do any good for you to fall asleep during the dance tomorrow." Lisbon said, standing and walking towards the elevator. "See you in the morning."

******************************************************************************

At 10:00 am the next morning, Lisbon was waiting on the front porch of her apartment. She didn't have any desire for Jane to come inside her apartment. He was much too observant for her liking and there was no telling what he would be able to figure out about her by the way she placed her furniture.

She didn't recognize his car when he pulled up as it was a much newer, much nicer one than what he usually drove.

"Wow, Jane, a real car! How'd you manage that?" She joked, sliding into the front seat and strapping in as they started driving.

"I've had it for a while. I just don't like driving it. It's not me, but it's got more room so I figured I'd drive it anyway." They drove in an easy silence, neither feeling the need to talk. It wasn't until they got to the theater where the dance recital was to be held that Lisbon got nervous.

"Wow, I don't think I could ever afford to see a real production here. How can they afford to rent this place for a dance recital?" Lisbon asked in awe as they walked up the marble steps towards the entrance.

"It's amazing what you can do when you have the money. I didn't always work for the CBI. I used to make a substantial amount of money." He placed his hand on the small of her back, guiding her towards the row of seats. He quickly removed his hand when he realized what an intimate gesture that was. His wife always hated the small touches that seemed given to every other couple they encountered and Jane couldn't help but notice that Lisbon didn't seem to mind.

"We didn't bring any flowers for her. We should have brought flowers." Lisbon said in a stage-whisper to Jane as she watched another man and woman coming in with a bouquet of roses.

"You're right. Stay here, I'll be back in just a minute. There's a florist just down the street. I'll be back before it starts." He patted her hand where it was resting on her lap and left quickly before he could give into the temptation to give her a quick peck on the cheek.

He was indeed back before the curtain opened with the largest bouquet of roses she had ever seen. The recital was amazing. More like a dance concert for a professional troupe than small kids just having fun. Abby's dance was superb and Jane and Lisbon both gave her a standing ovation. When the recital had finished, she came out to see them, still wearing her leotard.

"Daddy, you came! I'm so glad. No mom, huh? Oh well. Agent Lisbon! I'm so glad you came!" Abby was clearly excited at the way the recital had gone and rushed over, throwing her arms around the petite woman.

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world. When your dad told me that you had a solo, I just had to come see it. You were amazing. We got you flowers." She said, gesturing to Jane who had been standing there watching the two of them interact. They were no longer hugging, but had kept a hold of each other's arms.

"Oh, Dad! They're beautiful! Will you hold onto them while I get dressed? Thanks! Agent Lisbon, you have to come to lunch with us. It's a tradition. Dad always takes me out to lunch after a performance." She was practically jumping up and down and Lisbon found that she couldn't tell her no.

"Of course I'll come. If your dad doesn't mind." Lisbon looked over to Jane, waiting for his approval. He made a gesture showing that he didn't mind and Lisbon turned back to the girl smiling. "We'll be waiting for you."

Abby skipped off again towards the changing area to get ready to go to lunch. Jane just stood, watching her go. He had thought she would be more disappointed that his wife hadn't managed to make it—fourth time in a row—but was pleasantly surprised that the appearance of Lisbon seemed to make it all better. He was actually looking forward to this lunch. It was going to be fun.


	5. The Swimsuit

**Authors Note: **Thanks to all who reviewed, I'm pleasantly surprised at every one who's enjoying this little story. Also, thanks to Ebony10 for being my beta on this.

**Disclaimer:** Not mine, never mine.

**What If? Chapter 4: The Swimsuit**

The restaurant that Abby picked for lunch surprised Lisbon. Instead of a fancy stuffy restaurant, she picked a small hole in the wall Mexican Restaurant. The type of restaurant that brings fresh made chips and salsa to your table and where mariachi music drifts through the air, not piped in on speakers, but from the kitchen where the cook was listening to it.

"We found this place on one of our Daddy-daughter dates." Abby said to Lisbon. "I've always liked coming here. They have really good tamales and the beans are nice and not too spicy."

"They serve real Mexican food, not just imitation Tex-Mex." Jane said as they were seated and started looking at the menus. They all ordered quickly, Abby and Lisbon getting the tamales and Jane getting the chicken enchiladas.

Abby dominated the conversation, telling Lisbon all about school and dance and her friends. Jane just sat back and watched them talking. He loved how at ease his daughter seemed to be with Lisbon and how much attention Lisbon was giving her. It wasn't just the fake attention that adults usually give to small children to placate them either. Lisbon seemed genuinely interested in what Abby had to say.

When the food came, they ate as they talked. Abby's stories had moved on to include humorous tales of her father and Jane now interjected occasionally to defend himself. He found that while he didn't like having both of them gang up on him, it was much funnier when they did. Lisbon in kind shared stories about their time at work together. To his surprise, Abby paid as much attention to Lisbon's stories as the agent had to her own.

When Abby excused herself to go to the ladies room, Lisbon and Jane were left sitting at the table together. "Did I ever tell you the result of the team review?" Lisbon asked him.

"No, you didn't. How'd we do? Are they splitting us up?" Really that had been the only thing he had been concerned about.

"No, they think we're doing great. In fact, we're doing so well that they're giving us a new person. She's starting on Monday."

"If we're doing so well, why are we getting someone new?" Jane asked, smiling at her.

"We have the best case closed record in the place. It's the least they could do." She smiled back at him.

Abby stood over in the doorway to the bathrooms, watching her dad and Lisbon. He looked happy. Abby couldn't remember the last time she had seen him smile, really smile. He still gave her smiles, sure, but as for a smile for someone else—well, it had been ages. She was glad that Lisbon had come with them today. She liked her and she had an idea.

"Agent Lisbon!" Abby said, bounding up to the table. "You should come shopping with us! My dad promised to buy me a new swimsuit this weekend. It's fun shopping with Dad, but he's a guy. He just doesn't get fashion."

"Hey, that's not fair. Just because you don't like what I pick out doesn't mean that I don't have good fashion sense. Besides, Lisbon might have other plans this weekend." He really wanted her to come, but didn't want to show it.

"I was actually planning on spending my day at the mall shopping for a new swimsuit myself so why don't I come with you?" Lisbon spoke to Abby, not trusting herself to look Jane in the eye. The thought of Jane being there when she was shopping for a new swimsuit was a little unnerving, but the pleading look an Abby's face had just been too much. She found it hard to deny the girl anything.

The ride to the mall was much the same as lunch had been. Abby and Lisbon talking and Jane not really participating in the conversation. He was too busy trying not to think about what type of swimsuit Lisbon would choose. He was hoping for a skimpy little bikini. She certainly had the body for it...although, maybe that would be a bad thing. The last thing he needed was the image of Lisbon in a tiny little bikini in his mind.

When they got to the mall, Jane knew he was in trouble. Lisbon and Abby immediately went to the girl's section, started pulling swimsuits off the racks, and making him hold them. When they had piled up what he thought was every suit in the store, they went over to the woman's department. He tried not to look at the suits that Lisbon was pulling off the racks for herself to try on, but he couldn't help but glance at the ones that Abby pointed out to her and to his surprise she had really good taste. By the time they were both done and they were headed to the changing rooms, Jane couldn't see over the pile of clothes in his arms.

Taking the "man's" place on a chair outside the fitting room, he sat there as Abby came out showing him all sorts of swimsuits.

"I don't think I'm going to be getting you a two piece swimsuit, honey. I just don't think you're old enough," he said at the fourth bikini she had tried on.

"Come on, Dad. I'll be 12 in a month. That has to be old enough!" She said back to him. Lisbon, in the fitting room trying her own swimsuits on (she was _not_ going to be modeling for Jane), heard the argument and came out to see what was going on.

"Well, then we can wait till then to get you one because I am not buying one today."

"But I need a new swimsuit, Dad! I've got Aria's pool party tomorrow! My old one is too small!"

"Hey I have an idea." Lisbon said quietly from the door way to the fitting rooms. "Why doesn't your dad buy you one of the one piece suits today and we'll pick out a two piece that I can get you for your birthday in a month. How does that sound?"

"Oh, that's a great idea, Agent Lisbon!" Abby said, resuming her normal happy demeanor. "What do you think, Dad? Dad!"

Jane shook his head. He had been staring at Lisbon. She had come out dressed in the tiny little bikini he had been thinking of earlier. To say it left little to the imagination was an understatement. "That sounds good, honey. Make sure to thank Agent Lisbon, ok?" He knew his voice sounded off. He just hoped no one noticed.

"Oh, right. Thank you, Agent Lisbon." She said, giving the older woman a hug.

"It's no problem and call me Teresa; Agent Lisbon just seems so formal." Lisbon responded, hugging the girl back. "Now, let's see if we can find you a one piece that would work for your friend's party and then we can pick out your favorite two piece for your birthday."

They walked back into the fitting rooms and Jane couldn't help but watch Lisbon's back as she walked. _Stop it, Patrick. You're married, for crying out loud. And she's your boss, but most important, you're MARRIED! You need to stop checking her out. No matter how good she looked in that tiny little bikini, she is not available and neither are you. Get yourself together._

By the time they were both back in street clothes and ready to go, Jane figured he had a pretty good hold on his emotions. That was until he was standing with her in line and saw that she had purchased that bikini he had seen her in.

He kept the conversation light on the way back to her place, trying to hide his discomfort and wishing for once that his wife was going to be home when they got there. He needed a firm reminder of why he wasn't allowed to ever think about Lisbon that way.


	6. Meet The Team

**Authors Note: **Sorry for it begin so long between updates. I've been sick all week. I ate something that did not agree with me. Thanks to every one who's reviewed and all that jazz. And to Ebony10 for the beta.

**Disclaimer:** I'm pretty sure you've all figured it out by now, but in case you were still wondering, they are not mine.

**Chapter 5: Meet the Team**

Teresa Lisbon was sitting at her desk in her office. To the untrained eye it would appear that she was working hard on reports or something of the like. However, anyone who _really_ knew her would be able to tell that she was really just looking busy. In reality, she was thinking of the weekend.

She had spent all day Saturday with Jane and his daughter and she had really had a good time. At one point, she had wished that he was not married, but the thought quickly left her head. He _was_ married, and as such, off the table. And besides, she had a boyfriend. Ok, so her boyfriend was really starting to get on her nerves, but what could she do?

She had spent all day Sunday with said boyfriend. They had driven down to LA and gone to the beach. She had worn the bikini that Jane hadn't been able to keep his eyes off at the store and still nothing. She smiled as she thought of Jane's reaction in the store. If she didn't know better, she would think he had been fantasizing about her in that bikini, in his backyard, in his pool, in his bed…OK, where'd that one come from?

But the look on his face...his eyes had almost popped out of his head and he hadn't even heard what Abby had been saying. Her smile turned into a full fledged grin at the thought of Patrick Jane speechless. She almost jumped when there was a knock at the door, but collected herself and called out for the person at the door to come in.

"Agent Lisbon?" Asked a timid redhead. "I'm Grace Van Pelt. I was told to report to you. It's my first day. I guess I'm on your team."

"Right, yes. Come in." She gestured to the chair in front of her desk. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I think you're really going to like the team. We deal primarily with cases that are either on state land or that are too difficult or close to home for the local authorities to handle. You're in luck. We don't have a case yet this morning so it should give you plenty of time to meet the rest of the team." The younger woman just nodded. "So, any questions for me?"

"Is it true that there's a psychic on this team? I've heard rumors…"

"He doesn't like the word psychic. He used to be quite successful at it on TV and such, but then a serial killer tried to kill his wife and daughter and he kind of gave it up. He prefers to just be called amazingly observant and accurate. He's not always right, but he has a stunning track record. Any other questions?"

"No, that was the only one." She looked slightly embarrassed for having asked.

"No need to be embarrassed. Better you ask me than him. He can be touchy about it. I will admit it's going to be nice to have another female in the group. So...no time like the present. Let's go meet the team."

They both stood and Van Pelt followed Lisbon into the bullpen. "Listen up, guys!" She called when they got there. "So, we got the results from the team review back and they think that we're the hardest working, best functioning team in the building. And to reward us for all of our hard work, we get a new team member. Every one, meet Grace Van Pelt."

Rigsby glanced up to where Lisbon was gesturing and immediately jumped out of his chair to approach the new agent and shake her hand.

"Welcome to the team, Agent Van Pelt. I'm Wayne Rigsby. I specialize in arsons and, well, I'm the muscle on the team. I tend to intimidate witnesses." His face turned a brilliant shade of red when he realized what he said and he turned quickly to go back to his seat. It wasn't her fault that she was so pretty.

"Kimball Cho. Call me Cho." Said Cho, shaking her hand. "My specialty is interrogating suspects. I have a way about it." He turned and sat back down, not smiling or saying anything else.

"Has anyone seen Jane?" Lisbon asked, looking over to his couch.

"He called and said he was running late. Something about his kettle exploding." Cho said with a straight face.

"Well, at least it's an original excuse." She turned back to Van Pelt. "Well, this is us, other than Jane, and he always has a myriad of reasons for being late."

"What? I need my tea in the morning." Said a voice from behind her.

"You better have brought me coffee if you stopped for tea." Lisbon said, turning to face the very man they had just been speaking about.

"Just how you like it, my dear. And you must be the newest addition to our little family. I'm Patrick Jane. I'm sorry, but I don't know how you take your coffee so I just got it black for you." He handed her a coffee and walked into the bullpen, delivering coffee to Cho and Rigsby as well.

"Thanks, man." Rigsby and Cho said almost simultaneously.

"So," Said Jane, setting the cup holder down on the nearest empty desk, "Tell me about yourself." He turned and walked back to Van Pelt and grasped her hand in his.

"I'm Grace Van Pelt. I used to be a beat cop back home in Iowa. I never thought I'd get hired here, let alone assigned to this team. You guys are legendary."

"Thank you, Grace. Flattery will get you everywhere." Jane said, releasing her hand and giving her one of his grins. "A good pick, Lisbon. Are you sure that Minelli picked her out? I didn't think he had it in him."

"He may be old and a bit stuffy, but he does know a good agent when he sees one. Then, he's the one who hired you so I guess there's no accounting for taste." Lisbon said as she began to walk back towards her office.

"I think I'm rather good at my job, thank you very much." Jane said, quickly following her. Their banter could be heard down the hall as they made their way to her office and shut the door, leaving Van Pelt standing in the doorway.

Cho looked up from his desk and pointed, "That desk is free."

Rigsby, noticing the one that he pointed to was the one with the empty cup holder on it, jumped up to remove it for her and managed to knock his chair over in the process. "Sorry." He mumbled under his breath.

It was all quiet for a few minutes before Van Pelt spoke again. "So what's up with them? Are they dating or something?"

"What? The boss and Jane? Yea right. He's married." Rigsby said, glad for any reason to talk with her.

"Really?"

"Yeah, the flirting thing is just something that they do to get their minds off their crappy lives. He's miserable and she can't get her boyfriend to sleep with her." Cho said, not looking up from his paperwork. At the silence that followed his statement, he glanced up. "What? After two years working with Jane, you pick up a few things."


	7. Prove It

**Authors Note:** This is not my favorite chapter, so please bear with me on it ok? It's needed, trust me. Thanks for everyone and all the kind reviews, and to Ebony10 for the beta.

**Disclaimer: **Have I lamented on the fact that the AC only works in one part of my house? I'm pretty sure that the people who own this show and these characters have houses that are evenly cooled.

**Chapter 6-Prove it**

The plane landed in the harsh desert that was Palm Springs after what seemed like mere minutes from when it took off from the airport in Sacramento. They had been called in for this case because of the victims—the wife and personal doctor of a well-known golfer.

They didn't normally fly to the locations. Usually they drove, but as the victim was so high profile, they were feeling a lot of pressure from the AG so they flew. Van Pelt was glad that Jane was there. He had snuck up behind her while waiting to check in for the flight and suggested that she not check luggage, that Lisbon would get upset by that. And she didn't want to piss off Lisbon. It could get nasty.

The bodies had already been removed from the crime scene when they all arrived. Grace was nervous, but she tried to hide it.

"It's ok to be nervous. At least there are no bodies. Rigsby's first crime scene, he threw up all over." Jane said, coming up behind her again.

"You don't know that, man. I've been on the team longer than you." Rigsby said in defense, not wanting to appear weak in front of the attractive agent.

"Are you three done? We've got a crime scene to investigate here." Lisbon called from just inside the door.

"Oops," mumbled Jane, stepping around Van Pelt and entering. They were shown the crime scene and where the bodies had been found, bludgeoned to death with a golf club.

"What do you think, Jane?" Lisbon asked, coming up beside him and rocking back and forth on her feet. She was still happy from their time together the weekend before, even if they were now confronted with a murderer.

"It was someone they both knew. They weren't surprised by his appearance so they must have either expected him or were not surprised by him showing up."

"So definitely a man? I'd say that it was personal. Beating two people to death with a golf club. That's not easy and there was nothing missing from the house—at least, that's what the husband said." Lisbon said, sharing her own thoughts with him.

"You think so? Tell you what." He said, gesturing for the rest of the team to come over. "If we can figure out who did this before Thursday, then we'll have a pool party and barbeque at my house on Saturday."

"Right on. I love your pool. It's huge." Rigsby said.

"You have a pool at your house?" Van Pelt asked in slight awe. How much money did he make as a consultant?

"You should see his house. It's impressive." Lisbon said in response to her question.

"I used to be quite successful at what I did. I don't have to work if I don't want to, but it gives me something to do during the day." Jane said in a tone that made it clear that his past profession was not quite open for discussion. Van Pelt certainly didn't want to ask why he had stopped doing what he did before.

It didn't take them long to narrow the suspects down to the husband's brother and the doctor's partner.

"I think it was the partner. There were a lot more blows to the doctor than to the wife. It's as if the wife was just a bystander." Jane said.

"Yeah, but the wife was having an affair with the brother. What if she told the brother she wasn't going to leave her husband for him? That might make him kill her. What motive does the doctor have?"

They were all at dinner, watching Lisbon and Jane bantering back and forth.

"I don't know what the motive is yet. I just know the culprit." Jane said, taking a bite of his fish.

"Ok, so I'll just go arrest him now. We don't need motive. We're following Jane's gut. Yeah, right. Not going to happen."

"I thought you were a psychic, Mr. Jane." Van Pelt put in, not as nervous as she had been the day before.

"I'm just really good at what I do. I get paid to be observant and that's what I do." Jane said. He tried not to be short with her, but really, he was sick of having to defend what he did. He'd never come out and said he was a fake, but since that night he'd never claimed to be psychic either.

"Why did you stop practicing as a psychic? I mean, I saw the movie and read the book, but why stop? You were obviously good at it."

"Well, I don't like putting those I love in harm's way." He cleared his through and looked back to Lisbon.

"So, tell me. How do you propose proving my theory about the partner?"

"Why is it up to me? I still think it was the brother." Lisbon responded, unable to keep the smile off her face.

"No, you don't. You're just saying that to be contrary. You think it's the partner. You just don't want to admit it."

"Well, the only motive I could think of would be money. Maybe the partner was taking more than his fare share or skimming off the top."

"Good ideas." Jane nodded his head. "But how are you going to prove it?"

"You know what, you try and figure it out." Lisbon said, taking a final drink and getting up from the table. "I'm going back to the hotel to sleep. You all should, too."

Jane just chuckled at her and watched her go. This was the best part of this job. Working her up into frenzy. The look on her face when she got to that point was priceless. It made him want to kiss her. Wait, no—not kiss her—married and all. It made him want to smile like an idiot, knowing that he had won. There. That was better.

It only took another day for Jane to elicit a confession out of the partner. He had faked a sleeping problem. Well, not really faked it. Just made it out worse than it really was. Then he had lulled the doctor into a false sense of camaraderie. He was able to get enough information from him to prove that he had motive and once he did that...well, it was just a small step to get him to confess.

So he was shot at. So there was a little more paper work. It just meant that he was able to spend more time with Lisbon, watching her get frustrated. The way she wrinkled her brow when sitting there…he had to go home. They'd arrived back in Sacramento earlier that day and were at the office and he needed to get out of there. If he hung around much longer, he might be tempted to ask Lisbon to come over for dinner. Which would not be a bad thing, but Sarah was still out of town until Sunday and he just didn't trust himself right now.

"Well, I see we've made it by Thursday so everyone just needs to remember: my house Saturday. Let's say 12:00. Will that do?" Jane asked, standing up and grabbing his stuff.

Hearing a chorus of okays and see you thens, he waved as he headed to the elevator, trying not to think of Lisbon in that tiny bikini or the fact that on Saturday she would be at his house, in his pool.


	8. The Party

**Authors Note: **Sorry about the long wait for the update. I know, usually I'm fast, but this other fic hijacked my head. It's dark, and evil, and if you like that type of thing you should totally read it it's called "The last person you would expect" and It wouldn't let me write anything else until I had not only put it down on paper so to speak, but also posted it. trust me, i tried not to. But that is beyond the point. Thanks to every one who read and reviewed, you all are awesome. And a very special thanks to Ebony10 for betaing this for me, she is amazing.

**Disclaimer:** If they were mine, I would not be working for barely more than minimum wage. It's very sad.

**Chapter 7-The Party**

8:00 on a Saturday morning and he was already awake. He'd promised a pool party and he was going to have one. He'd sent the housekeeper to the store for the groceries the day before, then told her to take the next week off as she'd been there all week watching Abby when he was out of town. Now he just needed to get cooking.

The plan was for steak, coleslaw and baked beans. He knew Lisbon loved his baked beans. She had them the last time the team had all been over for dinner. She'd raved about them, even asked to take some home. He definitely had to make them.

"Dad! Get up!" Abby called from downstairs. "You know it takes like 6 hours to cook those beans!"

He smiled and got out of bed. When he had told her that Lisbon was coming over today, she had literally jumped for joy. The fact that the rest of the team was also coming was just an added bonus.

It didn't take long for him to shower and change and the anticipation of Lisbon being there was enough to keep a smile on his face all morning. He knew it wasn't right, wanting to spend time with another woman, but she was just a friend. And the rest of the team was going to be there. And Abby just seemed to like her so much.

At 11:00 he started the coals. He knew it was the old fashioned way of doing things, but he just preferred the way charcoal grilled meat tasted. He had a rather expensive gas grill. He used it every time he cooked outside for his wife, but his real pride and joy was an industrial sized Weber kettle grill. The grills were just about ready when Rigsby showed up with Van Pelt.

"Car pooling to save on gas?" Jane teased.

"Well, Van Pelt asked for directions and you know how horrible I am with directions. So this was just easier." Rigsby answered.

"Sure. Of course it was." Jane said with a knowing smile on his face.

Cho was the next person to show up, not saying much more than to ask where he could change into his swim trunks. Jane loved the stoic Asian man—he never felt the need for extra conversation, which was nice on occasion.

"Dad, I thought you said Teresa was going to be here." Abby said at 12:15 when she had still not shown up yet.

"I'm sure she'll be here. Maybe she ran into traffic."

"Or maybe she got into a car accident or maybe she decided not to come. Or maybe—"

"Calm down, Abby. She'll be here. She's just a little late is all." Jane said, trying to sound comforting. He was getting a little worried himself. It wasn't like Lisbon to be late. As if on cue, the doorbell rang one last time.

"See. What did I tell you?" Jane said to Abby as she ran for the door.

"You're here! I was worried." Abby said, flinging the door open.

"Well, I knew your dad was going to forget dessert so I stopped at the grocery store on the corner and got a couple of watermelons." Lisbon said, coming into the house with a large watermelon in her hands. "Hey, Jane, you want to go out to my car and get the other one?"

"You got two that size? I think one would have been enough." Jane said, staring at the fruit that had to be as big around as Lisbon.

"Is Rigsby currently out in your backyard swimming and working up an appetite? Well than yeah, we need two." Lisbon said when Jane nodded his head.

"Good point. Why don't you leave that in the kitchen and we can cut it when the steaks are done."

Lisbon carried the watermelon into the kitchen and then walked out the backdoor. "Are you going to go swimming, Teresa?" Asked Abby, coming up behind her.

"Yes, I had planned on it. Are you?" Lisbon asked.

"Yeah, I just need to go change."

Lisbon nodded at the girl and watched her go back in the house to get in her swimsuit. Lisbon looked over at her team already in the pool. Cho was unsurprisingly swimming laps while Rigsby and Van Pelt were splashing around in the shallow end of the pool. Lisbon took off the clothes that she had worn over her bikini and began to apply sunscreen to her arms and legs.

"Want me to get you back?" Jane asked, coming up behind her and making her jump.

"Geez, Jane, you scared me. You shouldn't sneak up on people like that." Lisbon said, turning around to glare at him.

"Sorry. Do you want me to get your back?" Jane asked again, no hint of apology in his eyes.

"Sure." She said handing him the bottle and turning her back to him. He squirted some of the cold lotion on her back and began to rub it in. He loved the feel of her skin against his hands and found that he was spending more time massaging her back than he should. He smoothed the lotion on over her neck and shoulders and under the strap of her top. He worked down her back, getting closer to her waist, finding he was having a hard time concentrating.

Lisbon was trying to remain focused. This was Jane. She worked with him. She couldn't think of how nice his fingers were against her bare back or how much she wished that he could pay as much attention to other parts of her body. No, she couldn't think of that. His hands were getting lower and she knew she had to stop him before they got too far down. She didn't know if she could handle it if he got much lower.

"Thanks, Jane." She said, purposely keeping her voice light. "I think I'll go join Cho. Laps seem like a good idea." She didn't look him in the eyes as she took the lotion bottle away from him and put it with the rest of her stuff. Jane watched her go, finding it difficult to breath. She was his boss and he had just been wishing that they were alone and that she hadn't been wearing that incredibly revealing bikini. Oh, why couldn't she have worn a matronly one piece like Van Pelt had?

Of course, Van Pelt seemed to realize that Rigsby had feelings for her and wanted to halt the progression of them. Lisbon wouldn't know how she affected him. She would never even think about him in that way. She was the always professional boss. And he was married.


	9. Her View

**Authors Note: **I am sooooo sorry this has taken so long to update. I know, I know, I promised a quick update, then I had a couple of fics hijack my brain and hold my muse hostage until I wrote them down and posted them, so yea. Here it is. On the bright side, I've now got four more chapters to post. Thanks to every one who reviewed, and as always a special thanks to Ebony10 for the beta and encouragement.

**Disclaimer: **If they were mine, we'd probably have to wait more than just a few months for a new season, so I'm sure we're all glad that they don't belong to me.

**Chapter 8-"Her" View**

It had been a horrible week. What had started out as a relaxing week at her boyfriend's cabin in the woods had ended badly—and early—when he told her that he thought they needed to take a break. He had the gall to suggest that she needed to try to make her marriage work. And now she was back in the city a day early and heading towards home.

There were cars in the driveway. Quite a few cars. And since when did they know someone from Iowa? Maybe this is what Patrick felt like when he came home to find her entertaining guests without telling him. It did miff her a little that he had decided to have a party when she wasn't there.

And he was making those horrible beans. He must have people from work over because she was sure she had forbidden him to make them for any of their friends. She didn't know why he liked them so much. Really, you could get the same ones out of a can with a lot less work and for less money.

She walked into the kitchen and looked out the window over the backyard. She recognized the two men that were sitting on the edge of the pool as men that Patrick worked with, but she didn't recognize the red head. And where was the other woman? Teresa? Yes, that was her name. Teresa Lisbon. His "boss." She hated that he worked under a woman, especially one that was so much less than him.

He really needed to get another job. One that was worthy of his special talents. Really, he needed to start doing readings again. That had been good money. Sure, they had good savings and they weren't hurting by any means, but still she wouldn't mind having more.

She moved over to the French doors that led from the kitchen to the patio. There was Patrick at his ridiculous charcoal grill. Really, she should throw that thing out one day when he wasn't home. He'd never notice. Really, he shouldn't be cooking on it. All that smoke was bad for the environment.

And Abby was out there, too. She shouldn't be fraternizing with the adults that way. She was actually goofing off with the big man that Patrick worked with. What was his name…Wayne? That's right. Wayne Rigsby. Big soft teddy bear, totally clueless. She'd tried flirting with him when she had first met him and he had spent the whole time stammering and calling her ma'am. Really, very clueless.

Oh, and now they were both in the pool. It was a good thing Abby was wearing a swimsuit. And the stoic man was just watching. At least the red head was laughing at the absurdity of it all, but not the other man. If she recalled correctly, he didn't show his emotions much. She liked that about him. Really, he was the only person Patrick worked with that she did like.

But where was that woman? That tiny little woman. It wasn't fair really that she was so tiny. Why was it that the short ones were always the skinny ones? And _was_ she skinny. There she was now, coming from somewhere behind Patrick. She didn't think that the bikini she was wearing could be qualified as a swimsuit. There was barely anything to it. And was Patrick leering at her? He was. That was not ok. He was not allowed to look at other women that way, especially when she was there.

So what if Patrick didn't know she was standing in the kitchen? He still shouldn't be acting that way in front of Abby. Even _she_ wasn't that careless. That's why Abby was over at her friend's house so often. If she was going to flirt with another man she wasn't going to do it with witnesses.

Well, no time like the present to make her present known. Looked like they were having steaks. She hated steak. He was just pulling them off.

"Patrick! Having a party without me?" She called, coming through the door. He almost dropped the platter.

"Sarah. I wasn't expecting you home until tomorrow. What a pleasant surprise." Jane said, placing the platter of steaks on the table and calling out to the people in the pool before placing a kiss on her cheek. "If I'd known you were going to be here, I would have cooked something else for you. I know you don't care for steak."

"That's ok. I'm going to go lay down." She moved to go back into the house, but Jane grabbed her hand.

"No, don't go back inside yet. You have to meet the newest member of the team." By this time, they were all crowded around the table, waiting to eat. "Everyone, you remember my wife Sarah, don't you? Sarah, you remember Rigsby, Cho, and Lisbon. And this is the newest member of our team, Grace Van Pelt."

"Nice to meet you, ma'am" Van Pelt said. "You have a lovely home and your daughter is very sweet. You are truly blessed."

"Yes, I am." Sarah said, never one to be humble. "I'm sorry for interrupting your party. I should get back inside."

"Nonsense. Really, you should stay. I'm sure Jane can whip up something else for you." Lisbon said, trying to be nice. She didn't like the way that Sarah had been glaring at her.

"No, really. I'm tired from my trip. Really, I just need to take a nap. You all have fun." Sarah waved slightly at the group around the table and went back inside. She waited until she was well away from the kitchen before allowing an evil grin to play on her face. They should be leaving soon. She had a way with Patrick's friends. He would come up to her soon enough. Maybe her boyfriend had been right. Maybe they should try to work it out.


	10. It's Broken

**Authors Note: **I've had some questions about what Jane must have been like "before" that he ended up married to Sarah. And while I thought I mentioned it, I'll mention it again. Jane was very much like his wife is. Only when Red John attacked he did a 180 and she just kept going, so she got worse and he became our beloved Patrick Jane. Oh, and it's ok to hate her, really, it is, so go ahead and hate her. Thanks for all of the lovely reviews, makes my day to come home from work to see all of them. And a special thanks to Ebony10 for being my beta on this, she is amazing.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned this, would I be posting here?

**Chapter 9-It's Broken**

The team only stayed for about an hour after Sarah got home. It wasn't how Jane had planned it, but that was the way it happened. Lisbon stayed a little later to help Jane clean up and wash the dishes, but she had changed back into her regular clothes the second they were done eating.

He hated how his wife was able to make the ever confidant Teresa Lisbon self conscious. It just didn't seem right. He knew that his wife had been upset to come home to a house full of guests, but she did that to him all the time. He really needed to talk to her. They were really having some problems and it was starting to show. He was sure that even Rigsby had noticed the strained way they had talked to each other. And the way she had treated Van Pelt, who had paid her a complement. Sarah hadn't even said thank you.

Abby had gone off to the family room to play on the computer and Jane headed upstairs slowly. He had wanted to move after the attack, but his wife had loved the house too much. Even now he still had flashbacks to that night. He could hear the strangled fearful noises coming from the bedroom, see the man standing above his wife and child with a knife, already dripping with blood…No, he couldn't think of that. Nothing good ever came from thinking of that.

He went into the dark bedroom and saw his wife lying on the bed. He could tell by the way her chest was rising and falling that she was not actually asleep. He went over to the bed and lay down next to her, reaching over and grabbing her hand.

"I missed you this week. Did you have fun at your charity event?" He asked quietly.

"It was ok. I really don't care for the mountains, to rugged for me. I see you had fun." She said, not looking at him.

"We had a case this week that took us to Palm Springs. And Van Pelt is new on the team. I decided to throw a little party to welcome her to the team. I knew they would all have fun."

"How was Abby's recital?"

Jane smiled at the memory of the look on his daughters face; she had been so excited after wards. "It was great. She was great. I ordered the DVD of it. It should be ready by her birthday. I wish you could have been there, she was amazing. She's never done so well."

"Well, were you able to put the other ticket to good use?" She still wasn't looking at him.

"Yes. Lisbon came with me. She really enjoyed it, and Abby loves spending time with her. She came shopping with us after wards. She helped Abby pick out a swimsuit."

This seemed to get his wife's attention. "Really? I wish I could have been there."

"You've never really cared before." Jane tried not to sound angry, but he was; now she wanted to be around, why the sudden change of heart?

"I know, and I feel bad for that. Abby's my daughter, you're my husband. And I think I've lost sight of that, of what's the most important thing. I think we need help."

Jane pushed himself up on his elbow to face his wife. "Help? What type of help?"

"Patrick," Sarah started, matching his pose, "Our marriage has been broken for a while now, I think we both know that. We can't keep going the way it is if we're going to make it work."

"I agree, it's like we've lost the ability to talk to each other, we need to find that way to communicate. We need counseling."

"Right. We should call Abby's doctor, I'm sure she could recommend someone."

"Sounds like a good idea. I can call her first thing in the morning."

"It's Saturday Patrick." Sarah said rolling back onto her back.

"Ok, first thing Monday then." He replied as he rolled back onto his back too. He reached out and grabbed her hand in his, drawing circles in the back with his thumb. He smiled when she didn't pull away.

******************************************************************************

He stood outside Lisbon's office Monday morning, trying to decide if he should knock or just go in. It had never stopped him before, knocking that is, and so decided to just go in. He didn't know why he was nervous; he had no reason to be. She was just his boss.

"Hey boss." He said trying to reinforce her position by calling her by the title.

"Morning Jane. How was your weekend?" She asked turning towards him and smiled. Was it his imagination of was she being even more cordial than normal.

"It was fine. How was yours?" He asked deciding to see where this was going.

"It was good. A very nice barbeque through. How's your wife? I hope she wasn't to put out with all of us being there."

"She's fine. That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about." There he was nervous again. He just needed to get it over with, why was he having such a hard time with it. "Well, you know we've been having some…issues lately, well, we've decided to try counseling."

"Wow, that's great Jane." She sounded slightly surprised, and he wanted to ponder that, but knew that now was not the time.

"Yea, I mean, I've suggested it before, but she's always rebuffed me, but this time it was her idea, so I'm going to run with it."

"Well, that's good."

"Yea, but, the first time the doctor had available was Wednesday afternoon, so I wanted to know, if we're in town, I need to have that afternoon off." He finished quickly; glad just to have gotten it out.

"Sure, that's fine. Of course you can have all the time off you need. You're marriage is important." She smiled at him again, and he found himself smiling at her, although he didn't know why.

"Well, thanks." He stood up and walked to the door. "This is a good thing." He said, not looking at her.

"Or course it is Jane. I'm sure this will really help the two of you." Lisbon said, trying to be supportive. He nodded his head and left, shutting the door behind him. She waited until he was out of the room before letting out a deep sigh. She didn't know why, but the thought of him trying to work it out with his wife made her sick. She shouldn't feel this way, she was his boss, and he had a family to consider, but she couldn't help it. Lisbon just couldn't stand that woman, and she was afraid that Jane might just get unhappier the longer he stayed in that relationship. But, if he was willing to try to make it work, who was she to say anything.


	11. Dr Jacobs, PhD

**Authors Note:** So, while I endeavor to one day be a therapist (an LCSW really, one day in the very far future a PhD, but not for a very long time), I am not now. I've never been to couples therapy, but did family therapy after my dad's break down when I was in high school (that was an interesting experience) and individual counseling; I can't say this is at all realistic. So, just take it for what it is, a lovely piece of fanfic. Thanks to all the people that reviewed, and yes, I really think that Jane would try to make it work. And as always a extra special thanks to Ebony10 for the beta.

**Disclaimer:** If they were mine, do you think I'd be going to the cheapest school this side of the Mississippi?

**What if? Chapter 10: Dr. Jacobs, PhD**

He hated doctors' offices. Even if this wasn't a typical doctor, it still smelt like doctors office. That sterile smell, that was harsh, but masked by freshness. Really it was hard to describe. He was sitting next to his wife, he wanted to reach out his hand to hers, but she seemed closed off, sitting there with her hands folded over her chest. He didn't know why she was acting this way, she had been the one to suggest it this time, he had just agreed. According to Abby's doctor, this was the best marriage counselor in Sacramento, he wasn't cheap. Maybe that's what was what was bothering her; they were going to see a man.

"Honey, are you ok? We can see another Doctor." He whispered to her. They were the only ones in the waiting room, but it was just so quiet, he felt the need to whisper.

"No, it's ok. He's the best after all." Sarah said, not looking at him.

They lapsed into silence again, and it was only anew more minutes before the doctor himself stuck his head into the waiting room and invited them into his office.

"How's it going folks, I'm Dr. Jacobs. Let me tell you how this is going to work. We all know why you're here, there's something wrong in your relationship, and you want to try to fix it. The first few visits I want to meet with you each separately. No, let me finish. I do this so I can see what each of you thinks is the issue and what each of you think needs to happen. Then we meet together to work on it."

Jane and Sarah both nodded. "Ok, so do you think that's going to work? I want you both to agree to this."

They both gave their consent. "Ok, just a few more things. What each of you say to me in privet is just that, privet. I won't tell either of you what's said when you aren't here. I might encourage you to share with each other, but I will not share for you."

"Sounds fair." Jane said.

"Ok, who wants to go first?" Dr. Jacobs asked looking between the two of them.

"I'll go." Sarah said speaking for the first time. Jane nodded and got up to return to the waiting room.

"Ok Mrs. Jane, why don't you tell me why you are here." Dr, Jacobs began.

"Call me Sarah."

"Ok Sarah, why don't you tell me why you are here."

"Honestly? I broke up with my boyfriend. Patrick doesn't know I was having an affair. He may be observant in most things, but he's always been oblivious in his personal life. I'm surprised he even realized there was something wrong with our relationship."

"Ok."

"My boyfriend said that he thought I should work on my marriage. Can you believe that? And then I come home to find Patrick drooling over a woman from work. He'd had the entire office team he works with over for a barbeque, and there was that little hussy, in barely nothing, and he was staring at her, not even bothering to hide it."

"So, do you think he's having an affair as well?" Dr, Jacobs always tried to keep an open mind. He usually got the eccentric ones, the couples that had no problem dating others until one of them broke it off.

"I don't know. He spends more time with her than with me. He took her to our daughters dance recital a few weekends ago. And then they all went shopping. I had a friend tell me she saw them all at the mall, looking like a family, shopping together. It made me realize that if I want to keep what's mine, we need to work on it."

"What do you think the underlying problem is?" This was usually interesting; some couples blamed others for their problems, but most just blamed each other.

"Well, we were fine up until a few years ago. Patrick was a well known psychic that helped others and the police. Well, he apparently pissed off one of the murders that he was helping to track down, and he came after us. Well, me and Abigail, our daughter. He was never the same after that. I mean, we lived, so I don't see what the big deal is. But he gave up the psychic gigs, and he started working for the cops, not as an outside psychic, but as a consultant who goes on the cases and is assigned to a team. It's beneath him really."

"So, a murdered wanted to kill you and that didn't change you at all?"

"You sound surprised, I mean, it didn't work, so no it didn't change me. I just wanted to go on like it never happened to show the world that we were a strong couple, but Patrick, he just couldn't let it go."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Dr, Jacobs waiting for Sarah to say more, and Sarah just thinking.

"I guess what I really want is to know if we can make this work. I love Patrick, I really do. I'm sure you hear that all the time, and I'm sure your thinking how can I sleep with another man and still love my husband, but I do. I really do. I love him."

"I don't judge Sarah; I'm just here to help. Now, why don't you and Patrick switch places, go ahead and send him in. OK?"

Sarah nodded and left to send in her husband. Jane was nervous, he didn't know why; this was just a guy he could talk to, just to see what was going on, to try to fix his broken marriage.

"So Mr. Jane," Dr, Jacobs started when Jane had sat down, "Why don't you tell me why you're here?"

"Well, we've been having issues for a while, I've tried to get Sarah to do counseling for ages, but she's always resisted, said there was nothing wrong, but this past weekend, she came home early from some sort of charity retreat in the mountains and she had just changed her mind, she recognized that there was something wrong and she wanted to work on it."

Dr. Jacobs nodded, obviously Jane had _not_ known about his wife's affair. "Why do you think she changed her mind?"

"Well, I think she may have realized what it was like to be me. She's always having parties at home without telling me, and I'll come home from a long case only to find a bunch of people in our house, that I hardly know, if I know them at all, and she doesn't understand why I might get upset. I can count on one hand the number of quiet nights we've had at home just as a family. This past weekend I was throwing a party to celebrate a job well done and the newest person on our team. It was just a small party, but still, she came home and there were all these people that she didn't know, and I think she just got it."

Dr. Jacobs just nodded, it made sense after all. "When do you think your problems started?" This was always the interesting question, most couples disagreed on when the problems started, and it was usually only the ones whose marriage could really be saved that agreed on the trigger to the problems.

"About five years ago now a serial killer named Red John tried to kill Sarah and Abby in retaliation for me 'slandering' him in the media as he put it. I wasn't supposed to be home that night, but I came home early. I'm not really psychic, I don't tell many people that, but you're my doctor, you can't tell anyone either, it would devastate Sarah if she knew I told you, but for some reason, that night, I just had a feeling that I should go home early, that my family needed me. I walked in on that, that monster standing above Sarah and Abby with a butcher knife, getting ready to kill them. I didn't even think before I hit him over the head with the golf club. It took months for me to get that sight out of my mind. I knew then that I couldn't keep doing what I had been doing; I had to stop the charade. Sarah was fine with it for the first year what with the book and Lifetime movie, but, after awhile, it just wasn't enough. I think, I changed, I wanted to spend more time with my family, and she didn't. She wanted to go on as if nothing had ever happened. And I couldn't, can't do that."

Jane stopped now, taking a deep breath. He didn't talk about that night often; he still got that sick feeling in his stomach and the lump in his throat when he thought about how close he had come to losing his girls.

"Alright Mr. Jane, why don't you go get Sarah and we can pick a time to meet next." Jane nodded numbly, knowing that this was going to be a hard thing for him to go through. He didn't like talking about that night and felt that they were going to be talking a lot about it.

They set up their appointment for the same time the next week, when they would meet together and try to work out some issues, Jane wanted it to work, but as he headed back to the CBI head quarters in his run down old blue car he couldn't help but think of Lisbon, and her reaction the first time she had driven in it with him. Her car had broken down on the side of the freeway, and Jane had just happened to be passing by when the tow truck arrived. She had never believed that it hadn't been planned by him, or that the "contraption" as she called his car, was any better than her poor car that had been towed away. He still laughed at the thought. Now why was it, he wondered, that he was thinking of Lisbon after getting out of a therapy session with his wife?


	12. The Affair

**Authors Note: **Ok, so I know we've all grown to hate Sarah, but the last chapter had to be done, so please just stick with the story, you will grown to hate her again. Oh, and I'll sa this now, I'm going on vacation for 2 weeks starting on about Thursday, that's my last day of work. I only have one more chapter of this ready. I will post it tomorrow, and after that, I can't promise any sort of consistence, for any of the three stories I've got going. Just a quick thanks to every one who reviewed the last chapter, and an apology to those who found themselves actually liking Sarah, it was intentional. And as always, a great big thank you to Ebony10 for the beta.

**Disclaimer: **I'm pretty sure that if I owned them, the highlight of my day at work would NOT have been the arrival of small sized empty shoe boxes.

**What if? Chapter 11: The Affair**

He hadn't slept at the office in ages it seemed. He'd been doing marriage counseling with Sarah for almost two months now, he thought they had been making real progress, but then today, today that had taken a gigantic step backwards, back to before they had started working on their communication skills. Sarah had admitted to having an affair. This was not the issue. He was willing to forgive her.

Then he found out that it had been going on for almost two years. From just after he started working at the CBI his wife had been sleeping with his old manager. They had run into each other at the club and started talking, and well, as they say, the rest was history. She had said that they had broken it off, that their marriage was more important, and while it was hard for him to understand, that had not been the hardest part.

"_It's not like you can say anything. You've been doing that woman from work for just as long."_

"_What! You think I'm having an affair with someone at work."_

"_Yea, that brunet, what's her name? Teresa."_

"_I am not having an affair with Lisbon! I can't believe you would accuse me of that."_

"_I've seen the way you look at her, with lust filled eyes. How am I supposed to believe that you aren't sleeping with her?"_

"_Oh, I don't know, maybe because I said I didn't and I've never given you a reason not to trust me."_

"_Oh please. When we met you lied to me. You told me you were psychic, that you could read my mind; you played me so you could get laid. I was the only woman smart enough not to fall for your stupid stunts."_

"_As I recall, you want me to keep up those 'stupid stunts' as you call them. You think I make pretty good money doing it."_

Dr. Jacobs had stepped in at that point. Jane was not a violent man, but he had wanted to punch a wall at that point. So here he was, laying on the couch at the CBI headquarters, not sleeping, but thinking about what he had done that was so horrible that his wife had not wanted to spend time with him, that would make her seek comfort in the arms of another man. Was not lying to people really that bad of a thing?

Abby had spent the night at her friend's house tonight; she had left right after they had gotten home from the therapist. School was out and this weekend was her 12th birthday party. He was supposed to be excited about that, but he wasn't. He just wanted to go back in time two years and ask his wife what he could do to make it so that she wouldn't cheat on him.

He was so distracted that he didn't hear the footsteps until they were right up on him. But he would recognize them anywhere, Lisbon. She'd had a date tonight, and apparently it hadn't gone well. It had been ages since they had met up like this in the office late at night, and Jane actually found himself happy at the prospect of seeing her.

"Never thought I'd see you here again. I thought the marriage counseling had cured you of you desire to sleep on old uncomfortable couches in old drafty buildings." He could tell by the sound of her voice that she was leaning up against his unused desk and he grinned before opening his eyes and tuning his head to look at her.

Whatever retort had been on his lips died away when he saw her. She was wearing a deep emerald green halter dress, if it could be called that, that was so low cut that he was surprised it held her in at all, and with a hem so high that he wouldn't be surprised if she couldn't bend over. He hair was pulled back slightly and curled, so that the curls tumbled around her shoulders, but didn't block her eyes that were done up in the same smoky makeup that he recognized as her night makeup. Her strappy heeled sandals were jet black and easily 5 inches tall, and her lips were painted an irresistible shade of red.

"Please tell me he didn't pass that up?" He said, trying not to stare, but having a hard time not doing so.

"He did indeed. I think it's time I called it quits with him. I spent $200 on this dress, I was really hoping to have it on the floor by my bed by now, but apparently it's not going to happen. But enough about me, what's got you here at this time of the night, I thought things were going well with you and Sarah."

He sat up and sighed rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. "They were."

Lisbon sat next to him, attempting to pull the hem of the dress down, Jane noted the nervous gesture and knew that this dress was a little out of her comfort zone. He was going to comment on it, but at the last minute decided not to, instead, he decided to confide in her. She was just a friend after all, wasn't she?

"Sarah's been having an affair for about two years now. Well, she was having an affair. Apparently when he broke up with her she decided to try to make our marriage work." He laughed bitterly at the thought.

Lisbon placed a hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture, ignoring the way the simple gesture sent butterflies to her stomach. "I'm sorry, that's horrible."

"That's actually not the worst part. She was 'dating' my old manager," Lisbon started to say something but he cut her off, talking quickly, "But that's still not the worst part. She actually thinks that I'm having an affair. And she doesn't believe me when I tell her I'm not."

"Of course you're not having an affair. You are the most loyal man in the world; I bet you've never even had the urge to cheat on her. Who does she think you're having an affair with?"

"You."

"Oh." The sound was small and he almost thought he had imagined it. "That's just ridiculous, we're just friends." She was suddenly aware of how close they were sitting, of the lack of lights in the room, and of the fact that her dress left precious little to the imagination.

"That's what I told her, but she just wouldn't believe me. We've been fighting all night. I just don't know what to do. She just won't believe me." He had been staring at his feet the whole time he'd been talking, and now looked up at her, noticing how close her face was to his, how easy it would be to just reach up and capture her lips in his. How easy it would be to right now, prove his wife right, just take Lisbon right here on his couch, take that dress off of her, have it end up on the floor tonight after all.

He leaned in closer, his lips just a hairs breath away from hers when he thought of the last time he was in this position and what had stopped him. Abby. Abby deserved to have a father that was faithful to her mother, even if she wasn't faithful to him. He pulled back slowly, trying to control his breathing that had become raged, and he hadn't even done anything.

"Abby's birthday party is Saturday; I know she wants you to come." Jane said, not likeing how his voice sounded sluggish on his ears, low and deep and filled with emotion.

"I have a gift for her remember, I have to come." He voice sounded he same, and for the first time Jane allowed himself to think that maybe, she might feel some of the same things he did. But that was silly, she was his boss, and he was married. It was the same argument over and over again. "Goodnight Jane. I'm sure if anyone can make things right with your wife it will be you."

She stood and walked towards the elevator, fighting the urge to look back over him. She got in her car and just drove. She didn't want to go home, home was lonely and she didn't want to be alone right now. It had been too long since someone had looked at her the way Jane had just a few minutes ago, and she was still feeling the effects. Not for the first time in the past six months she'd been dating Mr. "I Want to Wait" as Jane called him; Brian was his real name; she wished that she didn't have a problem with casual sexual encounters with random strangers. She finally looked around and realized that she was heading towards Brian's apartment. Maybe breaking it off was the wrong thing to do; maybe she just needed to spell it out for him.

She walked up the stair to his apartment and knock on his door, not even waiting for him to get a greeting out before she had her arms wrapped around him and was kissing him with all the passion she had in her. To say he was surprised would be an understatement, but it only took seconds for him to understand what she was doing, and for once, Brian didn't protest. He just enjoyed this new passionate Teresa. And for her part, Lisbon hoped that when the time came, she called out Brian's name instead of the name of the man she was thinking of right now with curly blond hair and a devilish grin.


	13. The Birthday Party

**Authors Note: **I found my flash drive! It's been missing for ages, and I found it, I'm so happy. It's got all my notes for this and many other stories on it. I'm so happy right now. Anyway, this is the last completed chapter that I have done. I'm off to vacation on, well, I'm leaving town on Saturday, but I'm 'checking out' on Thursday, so I may or may not be updating for the next 2 weeks, I'll try. Thanks to every one who took the time to review this little story of mine. And to Ebony 10 for the beta. It is because of her this fic even saw the light of day.

**Disclaimer: **If these were mine, I'm pretty sure I'd actually be able to afford to eat _in_ Disenyland. As it is, I am a very poor. Take pity on me and my old car, don't sue.

**What if? Chapter 13-The Birthday Party**

Lisbon stood in front of the massive slab of wood that was Jane's front door and knocked. She almost hadn't come, but she had promised Abby, and she loved that little girl. So here she was, hoping that Jane would be the one to open the door and not Sarah, but no such luck. The door opened and there stood Sarah.

"Hello Sarah." Lisbon said in an attempt to be cordial.

"Agent Lisbon, do come in." She held the door open for her to come in and then closed it soundly after her. They both walked into the kitchen and stood looking at each other for a few minutes before Sarah asked the one thing that she had been wanting to since the last time she had gone with Jane to the marriage counselor. "Are you screwing my husband?"

"What?" Lisbon asked shocked.

"Are. You. Screwing. My. Husband."

"I head you the first time; I just wanted to be sure."

"Because I've asked him and he said no, but he was acting pretty guilty about it."

"I don't sleep with married men."

"And yet, I don't believe you either."

"Well lady, that's your problem. I don't know what to tell you."

"Tell me that you aren't having an affair with my husband."

"I'm not having an affair with your husband; I'm not sleeping with your husband. I work with your husband, that's it. I'm his boss and friend. I would never sleep with him."

Sarah smirked. "That's the same thing that he said, and the same part I didn't believe. I bet if I wasn't in the way you would jump his bones in a heartbeat."

"But you are here, so what would happen if you weren't isn't important. What is important is that Jane loves you and Abby and he is trying with all his might to make it work."

"Really, you think he wants to make it work?" She didn't believe her; obviously she hadn't been spending time with the same man.

"Yes, I really think he does. He comes to work distracted, he spends more time looking at that picture of you he carries in his wallet than looking at the crime scene photos, and he's been thinking about you more. I can tell. He gets a wistful look on his face when he thinks of you, like he's trying to remember happier times. He really just wants things to be the way they were before, but he knows that it's probably not going to happen, and it's killing him."

"Did he tell you that?"

"No, I can just tell."

"How did you get to know him so well? I've been married to him for 15 years and I can't tell all that."

"I don't know, maybe he's rubbing off on me, maybe I'm just paying attention."

"What are you doing here anyway? It's a privet party."

"I just came to give Abby her present. She already knows what it is. So it's not a big surprise, but I wanted to give it to her in person anyway."

"Teresa! You came!" Abby said coming in the back door and seeing Lisbon and Sarah standing in the kitchen.

"Of course I came. I wouldn't miss it." Lisbon said giving Abby a quick hug and a forced but believable smile.

"But you're not dressed for swimming." Abby said looking at her with a concerned look.

"No, I have to get to work, something came up, I just came to bring you your gift." Lisbon held up the box that was in her hand for Abby to take.

"OH, thank you! But is Dad going to have to leave? I mean if you have to go to work?" A look of concern crossed her face. It struck Lisbon for the first time how much she looked like her dad.

"No, it's not something we need him for, he can stay. You just have a happy birthday ok? I'll see you later." One last quick hug and Lisbon turned to leave.

"Can I open it now?" Abby called after her.

"I don't mind, you probably want to wear I anyway." Lisbon called over her shoulder and smiled at the sequel of delight that came from Abby. She was glad she decided to bring it over herself instead of sending it with Jane on Friday.

Jane looked up from the behemoth grill he was standing behind grilling hamburgers and hot dogs when he heard the girls in the swimming pool squealing. It didn't take long for him to see Abby standing there in the bikini that she and Lisbon had picked out that day at the mall. He started looking around for her, when he felt a presence behind him.

"She's not here." Sarah said into his ear.

"Who's not here?" Jane asked trying to hide the disappointment in his voice.

"Your pretty little boss lady. She's not here, she came and dropped off Abby's gift and left, said something about having to get back to work. But don't worry; she said you didn't have to some in."

"Oh, ok. Well I'm glad she was able to bring Abby her gift." Jane said turning back to the grill.

"I wonder how she knew what size to get her, it fits perfectly. And she said Abby already knew what it was…" She let her voice trail off.

"I've already told you we went shopping together after Abby's last recital. Abby asked her to come to lunch with us and then to the mall to find a new swimsuit. Abby wanted the two piece, I wanted her to get the one piece, we compromised. I bought the one piece for her to wear until her 12th birthday party, and Lisbon bought her the two piece for her birthday."

"Sounds like you three were all nice and cozy." Sarah said accusingly.

"I'm sorry; Abby wanted a woman's opinion on her swimsuit. I would have taken her mother, but she was off screwing another man."

"How dare you!"

"What? It's the truth. I'm sick of having to defend my innocent actions with friends when you were off having an affair. You act like the problems in our marriage are entirely my fault. There not. You have some responsibility in them too." He hated fighting with Sarah in front of everyone. But sometimes she just made him so mad. He shut the lid to the grill and looked her straight in the face. "I need to get a plate to put these on. Can you let the girls know that the food is almost done so they can get out?" He asked walking off before she could answer.

Over at the pool Abby watched her parents. She couldn't hear what they were saying, but knew they had been fighting. She hated it. Ever since they had been going to counseling they had been fighting more. She thought they were supposed to be fighting less. And she couldn't stand it. She couldn't help feeling like it was her fault. She had asked Teresa to come to lunch and shopping with them. She had encouraged her dad to spend time with her. She liked Teresa. She was nice and she cared about her dad.

She felt tears welling in her eyes. Oh why did she have to be so excited when Teresa brought her gift? This was all her fault. She had to make it better. Maybe if she took it back, told Teresa she didn't want it anymore her mom would stop bugging her dad about it. If she let her mom take her shopping for a swimsuit, maybe things would be better.

That's what she was going to do. She got out of the pool, making sure that no one saw her going. Her friends were all caught up in a game of Marco Polo anyway, and didn't even notice she was leaving. She quickly went up to her bed room and changed, grabbing all of her money out of her top drawer where she kept it and slipping it into the purse that her mom had bought her for her birthday. She didn't really like it, but her mom did, so that's all that mattered.

She knew where the CBI offices were, she'd been there often enough with her dad. She left the house quietly through the front door. She would walk down to the grocery store on the corner and call a cab; she didn't want her parents to know where she was going. Hopefully they wouldn't even notice that she was gone.


	14. It Hurts the Kids the Most

**Authors Note: **Ok, so this was supposed to be longer, but, well, so many people were worried about Abby, so I thought I'd send through this part to put you minds at ease until I get back from vacation. Not to worry, Jane and Sarah's reaction in the next chapter, I promise. Seriously, this is the last update before I leave, I highly doubt I'll get a chance to write anything as I drive two small children around the country by myself. Oh, and if you read Peanuts, update for that tonight sometime. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, and to Ebony10 for the beta.

**Disclaimer:** If they were mine, I'm pretty sure I'd be able to get someone else to drive.

**What if? Chapter 13-It hurts the kids the most **(ok, so I'm not sure about that, but I think it works)

Lisbon sat down at her desk and sighed. She really hadn't wanted to come into work today, but she had anyway. She had told Abby that she was going into work and so she had. She didn't know why—she just did. There was always paperwork to do so it wasn't like she was going to be bored. Brian was out of town this weekend so she really had nothing to do. That night together had really done wonders for their relationship. It had turned out that the only thing holding Brian back had been the feeling that she was hung up on someone else.

Showing up at his apartment and basically not giving him a choice in the matter had pretty much told him she wasn't. Of course, he didn't know that the first time she hadn't been thinking of him, and every time after that (and they had been busy) she'd thought of someone else at least once during. She felt bad about it, she really did, but the real thing was inaccessible so she would settle for the next best thing.

She was still sitting at her desk thinking when she heard a timid knock at her door. This was unusual. It was a Saturday and most people who would come into work today would just come in without knocking. Usually because the only person who would come into work would be Jane.

"Come in!" she called out, not lifting her head from where it was looking at paperwork on her desk.

"Teresa," a quiet voice said, causing her to look up.

"Abby! What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at your party?" She stood and walked over to where she stood by the door.

"I, I came to return the bikini. I know I already wore it, but I can't keep it." Abby said hurriedly, not looking at Lisbon and holding out the bag that had the swimsuit in it. Lisbon could tell she was upset and ushered her over to the small sofa in her office to sit down.

"What's the matter, sweetheart? Didn't it fit?" Lisbon asked, going after the simplest explanation first.

"No, it fits and I really like it, but I can't keep it." Abby still wasn't looking at her and Lisbon wondered what this was really about.

"I'll take it back. That's not a problem, but why don't you tell me why you can't keep it. I'm your friend. I want to know what's bothering you."

Abby looked at her finally, as if trying to judge if she was indeed trustworthy. "It's Mom and Dad. They've been fighting."

"Ok." She still wasn't sure what she had to do with it, but was sure it would come out.

"They've been fighting a lot more recently. Most of my friends, when their parents get counseling, they stop fighting and, well, Mom and Dad did for a few weeks, but then it was like worse than before. Every time dad mentioned work or mom mentioned charity work, they'd just get mad and start yelling at each other. They're really good at it. I don't think they know I've seen the fighting and I can't figure out exactly what it is, but I think one of the reasons today is because for your present to me. I think Mom might be upset because I had you help pick out my first bikini and maybe she wanted to help. Oh, it's all my fault. I'm the one who asked you to come with us and I'm the one who always asked dad if you could come over or hang out with us."

Lisbon looked at her in shock for a minute. Abby actually thought that her parents' marital problems were her fault. This was not good. Not thinking, she pulled Abby into her arms and held her as she began to cry. "Oh, sweetheart, it's ok. It is not your fault that your parents are fighting. They both love you so much. I bet they don't even realize that you know they're fighting."

Abby just kept crying into Lisbon's arms for what seemed like forever. She felt her phone vibrating in her pocket and would have put money on it being Jane, just now realizing that his daughter was not just off with one of her friends, but was missing. She didn't answer it, though. She would deal with Jane being angry at her later. Right now, it was about Abby.

After a few minutes, Abby's crying subsided and after a few more moments she pulled back and gave Lisbon a watery smile. "Sorry."

"No need to apologize. It's ok. Sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on. Why don't you go wash up and I'll give you a ride home, OK?" Abby nodded and went off to the bathroom. Lisbon waited until she was out of sight before pulling out her phone and checking to see that Jane had tried calling her 10 times. Sighing, she dialed his number and listened to it ring.

"Lisbon! Have you seen Abby? She's not here!" Was the greeting she received when he answered.

"And hello to you, too. Abby's fine. She came to see me."

"Really? Where are you?" He sounded both surprised and relieved.

"I'm at work like I told her I would be. She just needed someone to talk to. We're coming back now, ok? So give us about half an hour or so."

Jane agreed and Lisbon hung up the phone, just as Abby was coming around the corner. "Your mom and dad are worried about you." She said.

"I didn't think they would notice me being gone." Abby still looked a little sad, but better after her cry.

"They really do love you." She said, guiding the young girl towards the elevator. "What do you say to some ice cream before we go back to your house? Every one should get ice cream on their birthday."

"I think I'd like that," Abby said as they headed towards Lisbon's car. She knew Abby still wasn't quite ready to go home and knew that this little family tradition of her own would help cheer the little girl up.


	15. Ice Cream

**Authors Note:** Hey everyone! I'm back from vacation, and I had a blast. Disneyland was fun, the wedding was great, I saw friends I hadn't seen in like 6 years, and family, which is always good. I really wish I was still there. And now I miss my babies who are off to spend the month with their dad. So needless to say, I'm a little sad, I hope this chapter didn't suffer too much because of that. This chapter is not betaed, so I don't know if it's crap or not, so I hope it's ok I didn't want to keep you guys waiting. Thanks to every one who reviewed and read. Oh, and bonus points to anyone who can tell me who Lisbon's boyfriend is.

**Disclaimer: **If they were mine, I'd still be in vacation for another week and a half.

**What if? Chapter 14-Ice Cream**

Jane closed his phone and stood looking at the empty kitchen. The table was piled high with all the birthday gifts that Abby's friends had brought her and the leftover food was on the counters. It made him sick that it had taken them so long to notice that Abby had not been there among her friends as they chowed down on the food that was more catered than home made. They hadn't noticed she was gone until it was time to open presents. As soon as she came up missing half of the parents had taken their kids home, not wanting to end up on TV if it came to that. A lot of Abby's friends had very influential parents. It was just the nature of things in this neighborhood and at Abby's school.

"Sarah!" Jane called walking from the kitchen into the living room where she was sitting on the sofa, staring off into space. Jane knew it was her way of showing she was concerned, that was the way she always reacted, she shut herself off, shut others out. Jane realized for the first time that she had been doing that ever since Red John had attacked them. She had been shutting him and Abby out, it wasn't her fault, she just didn't know how to do it any other way.

Sarah jumped off the sofa and almost ran to him. "Did you find her? Please tell me you found her."

"I did. She's ok." Jane said placing his hands on her arms and rubbing them up and down to sooth her.

"Oh thank God." She leaned against him and Jane pulled her into a hug. "Where is she?"

"Um, she's over at the CBI." Jane said, not sure how his wife would react to that news.

Sarah stiffened slightly, "She's at the CBI? What, did she go to see your boss?"

"Well, yea." Sarah pulled out of his arms altogether.

"Why?"

"I don't know, Lisbon didn't tell me. She said that she would bring her back, so it will be alright."

"I can't believe she went to see your boss."

"I know, I know. But she's ok, so it's alright."

Sarah just looked at him as if she didn't believe him and sat back on the sofa, resuming her staring off into thin air.

*************************************************************************************

Lisbon and Abby were standing in line at the local Baskin Robbins. Lisbon had thought about taking her to Cold Stone, but decided that the simple ice cream cone would be the best.

"What's your favorite?" Lisbon asked Abby as they waited.

"Well…my dad likes the mint chip, he calls it funny green stuff cause it's green, and who's ever seen green ice cream. And my mom likes regular chocolate chip, she says it's not as fussy. But you know what? I don't like either of them. I like to try all the ice cream; I don't have a favorite yet."

Lisbon nodded at her rather detailed explanation. "That's ok, you're still young. I like to try different ones too. Today though, I think I'm going to get chocolate peanut butter."

"I've had that, it's good, but today I think I'm going to get bubble gum."

"Bubble gum huh? That's always fun, and this bubble gum ice cream actually has bubble gum in it."

"Teresa?" A voice said from behind them. Lisbon turned around and smiled.

"Brian! What a pleasant surprise." Lisbon said.

"What brings you to Baskin Robbins on this fine summer day?"

"I'm taking Abby out for ice cream for her birthday."

"Abby?" Brian asked looking at her with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Brian meet Abigail Jane, the daughter of Patrick Jane, from my work. Abby, this is Brian Olsen, my boyfriend."

Lisbon almost missed the slightly disappointed look on Abby's face but didn't think about it, she was probably just upset about their time together getting interrupted. "You have a boyfriend?" Abby asked; the disappointment now replaced with another look that Lisbon couldn't identify.

"Yes, I do." Lisbon said chuckling lightly.

"So how did you end up taking Abby out for her birthday Teresa?"

"Well," Lisbon said glancing at Abby, not wanting to tell too much, "My parents used to take me and my brothers out for ice cream every year on our birthdays, and this is a very special birthday for Abby, 12 years, so I thought I'd take her out."

"That's very sweet." Brian said as Lisbon and Abby stepped up to the counter to place their orders.

"So how did you end up coming in for ice cream today?" Lisbon asked as Brian ordered his ice cream, plain chocolate with no chunks.

"To be honest?" Brian asked slightly embarrassed. "I was jogging by and saw your car in the parking lot and wanted to see you."

Lisbon blushed slightly at his attention; it was really very sweet of him, stopping by just to see her. Abby looked at them and smiled as she licked her ice cream cone. She had an idea and spoke before she could change her mind. "Have you ever met my dad Brian?"

"No, no I haven't." Brian replied, a little taken aback at Abby's forwardness.

"You should come with us when Teresa drops me off. I think he'd like to meet you."

Brian looked at Lisbon for confirmation and when she nodded looked back at Abby. "You know what? I think that sounds like fun."


	16. Lunch

**Disclaimer: **The only things I own are whatever mistakes are found, as this is again un betaed. Thanks for bearing with me.

**What if? Chapter 15-Lunch**

Jane was passing back and forth in front of the living room window. They should have been there by now, what was taking so long? He was about to pull out his phone and call Lisbon again when he saw her car pulling up the drive way. He resisted the urge to throw open the front door and run to her car, just to make sure Abby was alright.

He watched as the three of them got out of the car. Wait, three? Who was that man who was with them? It wasn't someone he knew, he didn't look like a cop or a CBI agent. He looked more like a doctor, wait, Lisbon was dating a doctor. She had brought her boyfriend? Why would she do that?

Wait, were they eating ice cream? She should not be allowed to eat ice cream, it should be illegal. The things she was doing with her tongue…No, they were all just eating ice cream, even Abby, that must be why they were later than he expected, they had gone to get ice cream. Ok, breathe. He turned around and faced Sarah who was still staring off into space, facing away from the window.

"They're here." He said quietly and turned back to watch Abby running towards the house just seconds before the door flew open and Abby came running in followed by Lisbon and _the guy._

"Abby!" Jane called as she came over and threw her arms around his waist. "Where were you? We were so worried!"

"I'm sorry dad, I just…I just wanted Teresa to be able to come to my party, and she left so early." To most people her lie would have gone unnoticed, but Jane had been doing this for far too long. He gave her a look that said they would discuss it later when they didn't have guests.

"Thanks for bringing her back Teresa." Sarah said from his side, causing Jane to look up and notice Lisbon standing awkwardly in the door way. "Who's your friend?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Sarah, Jane, this is Brian Olsen, my boyfriend. Brian this is Patrick and Sarah Jane, Abby's parents." Lisbon said introducing them. Brian shook Sarah's hand, a little too long for Jane's liking, and then Jane's, a little too long for Lisbon's liking.

"So Brian," Jane said still holding on to Abby, "How did you get to be with these two fine ladies today?"

"Oh, I was going by the ice cream shop and saw Teresa's car, so I stopped. I didn't realize that Abby was with her, or that she was apparently missing."

"I wasn't missing." Abby said defiantly. "I went to see Teresa." She looked at her dad and smiled, one very much like Jane's. "I'm going to go swimming." She said pulling away and heading up the stairs.

"We're talking about this later!" Jane called after her, but he was smiling. "Would you two like something to eat? We have lots of leftovers."

Lisbon and Brian shared a look before Lisbon nodded. "Sure, that sounds great."

They went into the kitchen and all four loaded up plates and sat around the breakfast bar, as the presents were still on the table. They ate in silence for a few minutes before Jane spoke, with Lisbon keeping a very close eye on Jane, not knowing where his questions to Brian were going to lead.

"So Brian, I understand you're a doctor, but you're not from California, how did you end up here?" Jane asked the curiosity pouring from his voice.

"Um," Brain stalled, taking a bit of salad, not noticing Jane's slightly evil grin. "I was practicing in Pittsburg, but decided to change fields, so, I got a job, first in Albuquerque, and then here in Sacramento."

"So you were fired in Pittsburg, and then left Albuquerque. And was that because of your ex wife? You left Albuquerque after the divorce after all."

Brian was dumb stuck he opened his mouth to say something but all that came out were unintelligent sounds.

"Jane." Lisbon threatened as Sarah sat trying not to laugh as her husband pulled one of his stunts.

"Tell me Brian, have you finally had sex with Agent Lisbon?"

"That's it Jane." Lisbon said standing up and grabbing Jane by the arm, dragging him out of the room and into the living room away from Brian and Sarah. "What the hell was that?" Lisbon hissed quietly to keep the others from hearing.

"I don't know what you're talking about Lisbon. I was just asking him some questions."

"Some questions? Jane you were practically interrogating him! And about things that are none of your business."

"I just want to make sure he's a good guy, that he's good for you, that he'll treat you right."

"What! That is none of your concern. Who I date is my business. I never should have brought him here."

"Why did you bring him here?" Jane asked cocking his head and looking at her with a curious gaze.

"Abby asked him to come. I didn't want to say no, especially after…"

"After what?"

"You know what? It's not my place to tell."

*************************************************************************************

Brain sat staring at his plate, embarrassed as hell about the scene that had just played out in front of them all.

"I'm sorry about Patrick. He's a psychic, sometimes he shows off." Sarah said placing her hand over Brian's on the table. "But, I'm guessing the sex thing is what he was really after the whole time. He likes to get Teresa riled up." The last bit was said with a note of bitterness in her voice.

"Yea, probably. If he's really psychic like you say, then he probably knows when it is we started having sex." Brian couldn't believe he was talking with a complete stranger about this, but there was just something about her, and her smile.

Sarah smiled at him; she was using some of the same techniques as Patrick did on people when he was playing the psychic. A person didn't spend as much time with him as she did and not pick up a few tricks. "Why would it matter? You guys seem like you've been dating for a while, what like six months?"

"Yea, but, well, we just started having sex. It's a little embarrassing really. I mean, Teresa just seemed a little distant, and I didn't want to get into a sexual relationship with someone who was not fully committed. I did that once before, and well, now I'm divorced."

Sarah barely managed to hide the surprised look on her face when Brian told her that he and Teresa hadn't been having sex until recently. There was a nagging in the back of her mind, and she asked Brian another question. "When did you say it was, the first time you had sex with her?"

"Um, a little less than a week ago, On Tuesday." Brian said, swallowing another bite of food.

Sarah sat there not saying anything, thinking back to Tuesday, the day she had told Patrick about the affair.

**Authors Note: **I decided to spare everyone two AN's so there's just this one, at the bottom. Next chapter is a flash back of sorts. I was going to put it at the end of this one, but, well, it got away from me, and ended up like doubling the length of this and, well, I just thought it would do well on its own, so, we're going to get to see what happened after Sarah told Jane about her affair in the next chapter.


	17. That Night

**Authors Note: **This chapter contains sexual situations. Nothing bad, but I thought I'd warn you. Thanks to everyone for all the amazing reviews. I really appreciate it. Not betaed, so if you see any horrible mistakes, please let me know. Told more from Sarah's POV than anyone elses, so you know.

**Disclaimer: **They're not mine, in case you were wondering. I don't even own Brian Olsen. I so totally stole him from The Guardian.

**What if? Chapter 16-That Night**

Sarah sat there not saying anything, thinking back to Tuesday, the day she had told Patrick about the affair.

_She lay in her bed; Patrick had gone off to sleep at the office. She knew he would the second Abby left. She hadn't expected him to handle her affair very well, but she had honestly thought that he had been having an affair with Teresa. Really, she had._

_She heard the sound of the door shutting and quick footsteps on the stairs. Patrick was home. She hadn't been expecting him, and for a brief moment she felt that panic tightening in her chest, the feeling that she got whenever she was lying there in bed and heard footsteps on the stairs, but she quickly buried it._

_Patrick came in the room, he was being quiet, just in case Sarah was sleeping, he didn't want to wake her up if she was sleeping; she always looked so calm and sweet when sleeping. "Sarah" he said in a mock whisper, and smiled when she rolled over on her side to look at him._

_He looked different haunted almost, and the look in his eyes, he hadn't looked at her like that in ages, since the attack. "I didn't expect you to come home." She said quietly, but not in a whisper._

_Patrick didn't say anything, but instead leaned over her and pressed his lips to hers in a hungry crushing kiss. She was shocked at first, but found herself giving in to his forcefulness. Patrick moved onto the bed and straddled her waist, deepening the kiss, thrusting his tongue into her mouth, and biting her lower lip slightly. He pulled his lips from her mouth, kissing along her jaw, down her neck and back to her ear, nipping at the sensitive spot slightly. He continued kissing her all over her neck and down her chest to the part that was exposed by her thin silk nightgown. _

_He kissed her shoulder sliding the thin strap of her gown off her shoulder, paying careful attention to every bit of skin there, as if experiencing it for the first time. She allowed him to pull the nightgown over her head, exposing skin he hadn't seen in what seemed like ages._

_She went to remove his shirt but he just shook his head, pinning her hands above her head. He kissed and licked every inch of her body. Nipping and sucking whenever he felt the need, causing her to gasp and moan. He hadn't been like this in ages, it was amazing, almost like their first time.. He finally released her hands when he removed her panties before continuing with his attentions, allowing her to guide his head to where she wanted the attention the most._

_It wasn't until after she'd had her release that he stripped down and again straddled her waist. She could tell how much he wanted her and gasped when he entered her. It was slow and hard and unlike anything they had ever done before, it was, for lack of a better word, amazing._

"_T-mmm Sarah, oh God, Sarah." Jane muttered as he came closer before reverting to unidentifiable moans and groans. It didn't take long for the both of them to come together, and lay panting next to each other._

"_Patrick, that was amazing." Sarah said when she could finally catch her breath._

_Patrick didn't say anything just pulled her close to him and nuzzled his face in her neck as they fell asleep._

That night and every night since it had been like that. She thought back to that first time in ages and realized that, that the whole time Patrick had his eyes closed. And that slip; she hadn't realized it at the time, being in the throes of ecstasy, but now, thinking back, that wasn't a sound he usually made. What she had thought was a click of his tongue had really been a slip. He'd been thinking of someone else. How else could she explain the passion in the bedroom? She thought that he had just been reclaiming his 'territory', marking her as his. But all the fights during the day and the passion at night were all clicking now.

"Sarah?" Her head snapped up at the sound of her name.

"Brian, I'm sorry. I got distracted there for a second." She looked down at where her hand was still covering his on the table and snatched it back. She shook her head slightly to clear it.

"You looked pretty deep in thought there, is everything ok?" He asked concerned.

"Oh, yea, everything's fine." Lisbon and Jane picked that minute to walk back in the room. Lisbon still looked pissed as hell, but Jane's expression was harder to read. Was that enjoyment? Almost pleasure. As if he had enjoyed the verbal dressing down he had received from his boss, this woman for whom he felt no romantic feelings for.

"Sarah, thank you so much for the lovely meal, but we really must get going. Say good bye to Abby for me will you?" Said Lisbon with a forced smile on her face.

"Of course I will. Thank you for coming, and for bringing Abby back, Patrick and I were both so worried about her." Replied Sarah with more civility than she felt.

Lisbon just nodded as Brian got up from the table, a little confused. He had never met any of Teresa's co workers before, so this whole situation had been odd to say the least.

Sarah was sitting in her chair staring at Patrick until she heard the front door close. She was still sitting there, giving him what she hoped was an accusing look when he rushed towards her and pressed his lips to hers in a hungry kiss.

Even as she felt herself responding to his actions, it just cemented in her mind the thoughts she had been having before. He had been aroused by his argument with Teresa and now had no problem using her for his pleasure. She wondered if he even realized he was doing it.

Sarah pulled away from him as he started to glide his hands up her shirt. "Patrick wait." She said as she panted slightly.

He opened his eyes still heavy with lust. "What?"

"Abby." That one word seemed to bring him out of his haze a little.

"Right." He said before stepping outside and calling to Abby to come inside and watch TV because mom and dad were going upstairs and she wasn't supposed to be in the pool by herself. It took only seconds for Abby to come in, whining the whole time and settle in the front of the TV.

Patrick led Sarah upstairs, smiling and when they were out of sight with Abby, began to kiss Sarah again. Sarah sighed, despite his reasons, there would be no talking to him in this state, it would have to wait until they were done. Having come to this conclusion, she closed her eyes and decided to just enjoy herself.


	18. The Talk

**Authors Note: **I released that I didn't name Sarah's lover, which is unfortunate, because it's going to make this next chapter easier. SO, I think we'll name him Eric.

**Disclaimer: **They are so not mine it's not even funny.

**What if? Chapter 17-The Talk**

Jane lay panting on the bed. It had been amazing. He didn't know what had gotten into him lately, but he'd just been on fire. It was if every time he got home from work and saw his wife, he just had to have her. He didn't understand it and he didn't care. And this afternoon, he didn't know why, but he'd just had an over whelming feeling of lust. It was a good thing his wife had more control of her hormones, or they very well might have ended up on the kitchen floor with Abby just right outside. As it was he'd had a hard time keeping his voice down. He didn't usually make a lot of noise, but, lately, he'd been overly vocal.

"Wow, Sarah, that was just, wow. I love you." He rolled over on his side to look at his wife lying there in the bed next to him.

"I love you too honey." She said looking him in the eyes. He could tell that there was something she wasn't saying; he hoped she hadn't started another affair, he didn't think he could take it.

"What's wrong?"

Sarah sighed, she'd hoped to put off this conversation; it wasn't going to be pretty. She sat up and looked at him. "I love you Patrick, you know that right? I know that I've never been the best wife, especially the past few years. But there was one thing I never did, even while I was...when I was having the affair. I never thought of another person while I was in bed with you."

He wasn't sure where this was going. "That's noble of you. Just thinking of the person you were screwing at the time very noble indeed."

"Patrick, I may have been unfaithful, but when I was with you, I was with you. I wasn't thinking of Eric, I wasn't thinking of what he would be doing, or fantasizing it was him here instead of you. I was thinking of you."

"The fact that we've had sex a handful of time in the last two years, up until a few days ago that is, should probably be noted. What was it, birthdays and anniversaries?"

This was not going as she had planned; time to cut to the chase. "Patrick, I know you're thinking of Teresa when you're having sex with me. I know that you fantasize about her. I know that the only times we have sex is when you've been around her."

"WHAT!" He got out of bed and started to pull his clothes on, this was ridiculous.

"Are you going to deny it?" She got out of the bed too, throwing on her robe that was lying over a chair. "Are you actually going to stand there in front of me and tell me that the reason you couldn't keep your hands off of me today was because you liked the way I looked in a bikini, and not because you got turned on by the verbal dressing down from your boss?"

Jane was speechless he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"The way you look at her, I know you think about her. You know, I probably wouldn't have ever figured it out if you hadn't started asking her about her sex life. Like it's any of your business who she's screwing."

"It was just a little bit of gentle ribbing. She'd been having problems in that department."

"Gentle ribbing. I don't believe it." Sarah mumbled under her breath. Louder she said "You know, the last thing I expected after telling you I'd had an affair was the most unbelievable sex we've had in ages, possibly ever."

"I was mad, did you ever think of that?"

"Yea, I'd thought of that, but then you went and flirted with your boss right in front of me and her boyfriend. Brian told me, after she dragged you out of there to yell at you, that the first time they'd had sex had been just this week. The same night we did, the day I told you about the affair. Now tell me Patrick. What happened between the two of you that would cause both of you to want to have sex with other people?"

"Nothing happened. Nothing would ever happen. I'm married for God's sake! I take my vows seriously. Is there something wrong with wanting to have sex with my wife?" He was trying not to yell, it wasn't working.

"You know you almost said her name that night. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but you know, now that I think about it, you almost said her name. While having sex with me." She didn't know why, but she felt her eyes welling up with tears, this was ridiculous.

"And you were screwing Eric for two years. How many times did you come home to me after being with him and get into bed as if nothing had happened? How many times did you wish you were with him when you were lying in bed with me? And you say you never thought of him while with me? I doubt that."

"No Patrick. I never thought of him while I was with you. I was only thinking of you." He snorted in disbelief, but she just ignored him. "I don't hear you denying almost saying her name."

"I don't remember that. I remember you and how gorgeous you looked and how long it had been and how much I wanted to just, erase all traces of that, that bastard off of you. I wanted to make you want me again. I wanted to want you again. I thought it was going pretty well."

"You think this shared of a marriage is going well? You really are clueless."

"Clueless? Just because I ignored the sings that said you were having an affair? Because I wanted to believe that my wife would be faithful to me? Because I loved you? Because I didn't want to think of you as a whore?"

He didn't even see her hand move before it connected with the side of his face in a hard stinging slap.

"I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I don't think you're a whore."

He almost didn't see her hand again, but caught it just in time, holding on to her wrist, grabbing the other one when she went to hit him with that. Not letting her go as she struggled against him he waited until she stopped pulling against him.

"Let me go Patrick!"

"No, not until you listen to me. I don't think of anyone else when I'm having sex with you, not Lisbon, not a movie star, not my high school girlfriend. I think of you, and only you, the way you taste, the way you feel, the things you do to me. It's intoxicating. It's addicting. It's a wonder that Eric couldn't let you go, I know I don't want to. I'm going to keep fighting, keep working for us to make this work. Keep trying. I have to."

He let go of her hands after his little speech and took a step back. He didn't want her to feel pressured. He was almost knocked off his feet when she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him deep and hard. He might have made a slip that first day, but since then he'd been nothing if not attentive, and she didn't have any room to talk anyway, she was just going to enjoy it while it lasted.


	19. Redwood

**Authors Note: **I'm not sure I like this chapter, or rather, the last half of this chapter. But, I'm posting it anyway. This hasn't been betaed, it's been so long since I've updated this that I didn't wanted to have to wait to post it, so, I hope you all like it.

**Disclaimer: **Oh, you mean I _don't_ own them? Oh, well, I guess I'll just borrow them for a while.

**What if? Chapter 18-Redwood**

"What's up with you and that guy?" Brian asked as he and Lisbon drove towards her apartment.

"What guy?" She was trying to act confused, but was pretty sure she knew who he was talking about.

"That guy from your work we just met, Patrick."

"There's nothing 'up' with us. That's just the way he is, an annoying pain in the ass."

"So really, there's nothing going on between the two of you?"

"You sound like his wife. I can't stand that woman."

"She seemed ok to me." He paused looking out the window for a minute before turning back to Lisbon. "What do you mean I sound like his wife?"

Lisbon glanced at him quickly then returned her eyes to the road. "She was having an affair, and to make herself feel better accused Jane of having one. With me."

"Seriously?"

"I know ridiculous, right? I told her as much and she didn't believe me." They pulled into the parking lot at her apartment complex and parked.

"I guess I should have asked if you wanted to come over, but since we're here, do you want to come up?"

Brian looked at her and smiled. "Do you even have to ask?"

*************************************************************************************

The ringing was what woke her up, she tried to ignore it, but it just kept going. It took a moment to permeate her consciousness, but she finally realized that it was her phone ringing and she snaked an arm out of the covers and answered.

"Lisbon…Where at…yea, I'll call them." And then she hung up. Slamming her phone back onto the night stand she rolled over on her back and sighed.

"Work?" Mumbled Brian from the bed beside her, pulling her to him and snuggling into her neck.

"Yea. We've got to go out to some tinny little town in the middle of nowhere to help find some missing girls."

"I thought you did murders?"

"We help out whenever the locals can't handle something. Apparently, the town called the CBI and asked for us."

"Do you have to go now?" Brian asked allowing his hand to drift down her chest towards her stomach.

Lisbon moaned slightly. "Yea, I have to go now. It's a good three hours drive to get there, and the sooner we get there the better."

"I'll be waiting for you." Brian said giving her a lingering kiss as Lisbon slipped from the bed. This was going to be a long case.

*************************************************************************************

Lisbon was grumpy. She wished, and not for the first time, that she had a normal job. One that did not enable her to get phone calls at 6:00 A.M. on a Sunday. This was not fair. She wanted to be back in bed, in the arms of the man she, well she couldn't say love, but she liked him a lot. She did not want to be out in the muddy wet woods looking for a body. She especially did NOT want to be in the woods with Jane.

Jane smiled. He loved the smell of the woods after the rain. Sure it was bad circumstances but there wasn't anything he could do about that. He watched Lisbon snap at the sheriff as he was leading them to the car, she'd obviously been having a good night, or rather morning. He hadn't been that thrilled either, about having to leave the nice warm arms of his wife.

"She's not really a morning person." Jane mumbled to the sheriff as he walked by him and under the police tape. "She'll improve." He was glad Lisbon hadn't heard; she probably would have gone off on him if he'd heard her talking about her that way.

Lisbon was walking around the crime scene, watching Jane out of the corner of her eye. She hadn't had a chance to talk to him about the 'conversation' they had had yesterday at his house, and she really didn't want to have it out here. Jane was making some sort of degrading comment to the sheriff, and she thought she'd been rude. Of course they didn't look under the car, why would they look under the car?

But, now that they had the body of Nicole Gilbert, there was just one person to look for and that made it easier for the dogs. Not that it made a difference; the dogs still didn't know where Cara Palmer was. And Jane looked about to do one of his stupid stunts. Oh well, what could it harm to gather everybody up and have Jane talk to them.

Jane stood on a stump and smiled. He had asked everyone to raise their hands over their heads and grinned as Lisbon rolled her eyes. He loved getting a rise out of her, and he almost let the smile slip from his face. That was not ok. After his conversation with his wife the night before he was going to have to pay more attention to what he was thinking, he couldn't let his thoughts dwell in Lisbon; or on her cute little exasperated glare when his scheme to catch the murdered in the act failed. He hadn't expected it to work anyway, but it was still fun.

It turned out that a search through the woods had not been needed to find the missing girl, and as Lisbon and Jane made their way to the hospital with the local sheriff they were careful not to say anything that might make the sheriff think less of the CBI, or rather, Lisbon was careful, and Jane was just too focused on the case.

*************************************************************************************

Lisbon sat in the front seat of the big black SUV with Rigsby eating a packet of ketchup. It was ridiculous. They were watching Rulon Farnes get drunk and hit on woman. This is not how she wanted to be spending her time. Then she heard it, the traffic. How had Nicole explained the noise she heard? Like a rushing, the sound of traffic could be mistaken for the sound of water if you were disoriented.

Lisbon called the sheriff, Rigsby could watch this guy get drunk on his own; she would search the buildings near the road. She couldn't believe Jane had got it wrong. It didn't happen very often, but when it did she liked to be able to rub it in his face. She smiled, she would enjoy that later.

They were walking around the cabins when she got the call. A very pissed off sheriff calling about a pain in the ass consultant who made off with what the sheriff thought was the prime suspect. Never mind that none of them thought she did it, she was still a person of interest, and Jane essentially kidnapped her. What had he been thinking?

She tried to call him, not really paying attention to the forest ranger, Kyle was his name, that was with her. She left a rather nasty massage on his voice mail when he didn't answer. "Jane, damn it! What the hell were you thinking? You need to take her back right now, I'm serious. You've gone too far this time Jane. I'm serious, this is the last straw. I've had enough of your stupid shit Jane."

If she'd been calling from a regular phone she would have slammed it down, as it was she simply slid her phone into her pocket and tried to sulk as dignified as she could. They searched a few more cabins before Jane finally called her back.

"Where the hell are you?" She snapped at him when she answered her phone after the first ring.

"Nicole remembered everything." This was much more important than him kidnapping her; this proved that she hadn't done it. "She can describe the suspect. Look for a tall well built man with brown hair and glasses. Mid thirties."

"That's it? That describes half the men in California."

"Yea that's it." What did she expect from him, he wasn't a mind reader; he couldn't make her remember something she didn't know. "But at least we know it wasn't her that killed Kara. And it wasn't Rulon Farnes."

"Nice work." She said with just a touch of sarcasm in her voice. He always had to be right. "For this you illegally abducted her from the sheriff's custody?"

Well she had him there. "Yea, I-I was going to tell you about it, but I figured seeing that it's illegal best to keep you out of it so you have deniability." This had worked in the past, but for some reason didn't seem to be smoothing it over as well as he'd hoped.

"Oh, how considerate of you." Nope, she wasn't taking it well at all. Why did he always do things like this, make her mad. He thought about saying something, but figured it would just make it worse. The last thing he wanted to do was make her even madder than she was, especially after what happened this weekend. "Listen to me carefully and do exactly as I tell you. Take her back to the hospital right now and sincerely apologize to Sheriff Nelson."

He didn't bother saying anything as he shut his phone ending the call. He knew she'd know he was going to do it. He'd misbehaved, she'd yelled at him, and now he'd do what she told him. It was their way, the way they always were. He didn't know why he always pushed her, he just couldn't help himself.

He got back into the car and started driving back towards the town. There had to be a way for him to make this up to her, sure he had proven that their two main suspects were innocent, but he hadn't figured out who had done it.

"Is there anything else? Anything specific you can remember about him?" He was grasping at straws, Nicole had to remember something else, she just had to.

"Just want he looked like, that's all I remember." She didn't sound upset about that, and Jane was glad that she wasn't being haunted at the moment.

"Doesn't matter how small it is," he was desperate, "Little things like what his voice sounded like or what he smelled like or…"

"Pineapple." Just one word, but that's all he needed.

"That's great." He didn't waist anytime calling Lisbon. Pine apple wasn't something you smelt every day; it had to be something they could use to point to the killer. "Pineapple, he smelled like pineapple" He said the second Lisbon picked up her phone.

"Pineapple? What the hell? Go-" but then she stopped. "Ok, good."

The tone of her voice had changed, he was worried now, not enough to interrupt, but enough to make him grasp his phone a little tighter.

She started talking again. "Listen. Tell Rigsby Teresa needs his help." Ok, so who ever she was with had only met her as Agent Lisbon, and didn't know her first name. This wasn't good. He fought to control the rising panic he felt. Why did it feel like it was his fault that she was stuck somewhere with a person who was most likely the killer? "Me? I'm at Eagle Pine Lodge off route 6."

She was talking as if he had been carrying on a conversation with her, so who ever she was with was close enough to hear her, but not him on the other end of the line. "Ok."

He noticed that she didn't disconnect her phone, and for that he was grateful. It didn't take him very long to put her on hold and make a very quick call to Rigsby, relaying Lisbon's location and that she was most likely with the killer. When he switched back over to Lisbon he could hear her talking, but it was muffled, like she had her phone in her pocket. But he recognized the next sound when he heard it. Gun shots and shattering glass.

"Lisbon?" He asked quietly, then louder when she didn't answer. She couldn't have gotten shot, Lisbon didn't get shot, she tackled men twice her size, she didn't get shot.

"Shh"

"Are you all right?" He whispered trying to keep the note of panic out of his voice.

"Yea." She was breathing heavily. "Did you call Rigsby?"

"Yea. Listen I have an idea." A stupid one, but the best he could do on short notice. He didn't have to prod her to agree, it really was her only option until Rigsby arrived, and even then, there was no guarantee that he would arrive with back up.

Listening until he hear the sound of her phone sliding across the floor he counted to three and then shouted into the phone "Lisbon be careful!"

The sound of gunshots and someone scrambling across the floor and then the phone went dead. He tried not to panic. He had to believe that she was alright. He knew it was pointless to call now, that even if she was ok she wouldn't answer her phone, if it was in answering capability. He didn't bother calling Rigsby, how would he explain to the man that he was concerned about Lisbon? He knew it would be taken the wrong way. His marital problems with his wife weren't exactly a secret and the last thing he needed were rumors flying around just because he was concerned about her.

Instead he swallowed the lump in his throat and drove Nicole back to the hospital. It was a few hours before Lisbon and Rigsby were back at the sheriff's office with Kyle. And by then he had calmed down a little. He had finally taken the time to listen to the voice message that she had left on his cell phone when he'd been talking to Nicole. It sounded so much like her that he had a hard time deleting it and instead just sat there listening to it while he waited for her t get back, safe and sound.

They were able to get a few hours of sleep that night before packing up all their supplies and heading back to Sacramento. Handing the keys to the car back to Lisbon she smiled at him. "Hey, can you believe he fell for that old cell phone gag?"

'"Old cell phone gag? I invented it right there and then. Rather brilliantly I thought."

"Oh please, I've seen that done a dozen times."

"What do you mean where?" He really had thought that it was an original, he hated the thought that someone else had come up with it first.

"On TV." Like it was the most obvious thing.

"Oh. On TV, well. Anything can happen on TV. The question is; where have you seen that done in real life?"

Lisbon didn't respond to that, she just shook her head at him. It hadn't been planned for them to be alone in the car together, and they rode in silence to begin with. When they stopped for gas an hour into their four hour drive to get gas, Jane hadn't thought about refilling the tank, the decided to get lunch as well. They were still in the mountains and decided to enjoy the view from a picnic spot just off the highway that over looked a valley full of giant red wood trees.

They sat eating the sandwiches they'd picked up at the little diner next to the gas station, they were surprisingly good, and looking out at the view. They were almost done eating when Jane decided to speak.

"I was really worried about you last night."

"Yea, right." Lisbon said smirking.

"I was. I know you've been in fire fights before, usually because of me, but last night, and I know this is stupid, but, I was even more afraid for you because I wasn't able to be there to protect you."

"Protect me Jane? Usually if you're around it's the other way around."

"I know that Lisbon, I know it's ridiculous. Call it the cave man in me, but I like to at least pretend to be able to protect the women I care for."

Lisbon snorted. "The cave man Jane? I've never really envisioned you as the knuckle dragging type."

"I don't do it very often, but when it happens, what can I say. I hate the feeling of not being in control. Last night when I heard those gunshots over the phone…I thought you were dead when you didn't answer. I know, over reacting, but, I don't know what I would do if something had happened to you."

Lisbon just looked at him; she couldn't have this conversation with him. He was married. She got up from the table and threw the rest of her lunch in the trash. She went and stood by the rough wooden fence that was there to keep people from falling down the side of the mountain. She felt more than saw him come and stand beside her.

"I don't think you know what you're talking about Jane. I think you'd be just fine without me."

"Don't say that. You know it's not true. I…I had a talk with my wife this weekend."

"Really? Did she ask you why you were asking about your bosses' sex life?"

"Um, no not exactly." He paused. It was now or never.

"Does she still think you're sleeping with me?" He could hear the amusement in her voice even though he wasn't looking at her, he didn't think he could do it if she was looking.

"No, actually, I'm pretty sure she's convinced that we have never slept together."

"Well that's a good thing, isn't it?"

"No, I think I'd rather her think we were having an affair to what she's accusing me of now." He was stalling, and he knew it.

"OK." Lisbon said slowly, not sure where this was headed.

"Oh hell. I don't know why I'm telling you this. She says I'm thinking of someone else when I'm having sex with her."

Why was he telling her this? Right they were friends. "That's not uncommon Jane, I'm sure most people around have fantasized about a movie star or rock star when they were with someone else, even when they're in a committed relationship, I'm sure Sarah's done that."

"That's not what she was talking about. She says she thinks I'm thinking of a real person, a person who's accessible to me, but that I can't have; someone I'd rather be with."

And suddenly Lisbon knew where he was going with this whole conversation. "That's ridiculous Jane. Anyone you ask would be able to tell you that you are one of the most devoted husbands and fathers around."

"You could have died last night, and I wouldn't have been able to do anything to stop it, to save you."

Lisbon didn't say anything for a minute, she just thought about what he was saying. "Jane." She turned around, her back to the fence so that she could look him in the face. "I'm still not sure what happened that night when your family was attacked. But I can tell you what I do know. I think your fear for me last night simple stems from remembering that night all those years ago. Coming home to see someone in your house, attacking Sarah and Abby, that's going to affect you for the rest of your life."

Jane opened his mouth to speak but Lisbon cut him off. "Have you ever talked to someone about that night? I don't mean me or even Sarah, although that wouldn't be a bad thing."

"Well, no. No I've never talked with anyone about what happened that night."

"Do you think that maybe you should? I don't mean to be noisy, but, well, I care for you Jane. You're a good friend, I don't know how we'd solve half the case we do without your help. Despite all the hassle you put me through."

Jane laughed and smiled at her. "Come on, you know you like cleaning up after me, it gives you something to do."

"Oh, because my life is so boring." She was smiling too. They headed back to the car joking along the way. The silence wasn't as bad now as it had been before, and that had been her plan. She had known what he was going to say when he brought up the conversation with his wife, and she didn't want him to admit it out loud, there would be no going back if he did.

It wasn't until Jane had gotten into his own car and started heading home that he realized that she had quite cleverly changed the subject when they had been talking earlier, and he realized that that was probably the best thing that had happened all week.


	20. Red John

**What if? **Sorry this took me so long to update. I've been distracted by the heat. Just a quick thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, and for everyone who's given my their opinion on what should happen. I'm always open to suggestions.

**Disclaimer: **If they were mine I'd be getting paid to write this.

**What if? Chapter 19-Red John**

"How's my favorite couple doing?" Dr. Jacobs asked as Jane and Sarah sat down on the sofa in his office.

"See that honey, we're his favorites." Jane said to Sarah in a mock whisper as he settled in. Sarah just rolled her eyes.

"So what would we like to work on today?" Dr. Jacobs asked smiling at them.

"There is one thing," Jane said quickly when he saw Sarah begin to open her mouth to speak. He knew what she was going to bring up, and he didn't really want to talk about it. "One thing that we haven't talked about. The whole reason that we're having these problems to begin with, the reason we started having problems."

"And what is that?" Asked Dr. Jacobs.

"Red John."

"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" Sarah exclaimed, turning away from Dr. Jacobs to face Jane. "Why do you always insist on bringing that up?"

"I don't always insist on bringing it up. I just think we need to talk about it."

"We've already talked about it."

"No we haven't. We sent Abby to therapy to make sure she didn't have any problems with it, but you and I, we have NEVER, talked about it. Ever."

"What's to talk about?"

"I don't know, maybe we should talk about how we don't talk about it."

"Because that's not cryptic."

"You know, I realized something the other day, when Abby went missing, I realized that you shut me out. Whenever there's a problem, you don't talk about it, you shut me out, you just act like the problems going to go away."

"Well it's better than completely changing."

"What?"

"After the attack you completely changed. I could understand that first year, you were doing the book and the movie, but after that, you refused to go back to doing what you had been. You started working with the cops full time. Do you know how crappy that pays? And the people we used to have over-"

"Oh, because the people who were our 'friends' cared that I decided to become a civil servant instead of remaining in the lucrative field of fake psychic."

"They don't know that you're faking it Patrick. All they know is that you've changed completely since it happened."

"And you haven't changed at all."

They sat staring at each other for a few minutes while Dr. Jacobs looked at them. "Ok, I think this is a good thing to _talk_ about today. No yelling, remember, that's not why we're here." He waited while they both nodded then continued. "Sarah, why don't you tell Patrick why it is that you, in his words, haven't changed, since that night?"

"I didn't see the reason too. All that would be accomplished by changing the way I acted and what I did would be to how the world that I could be manipulated by crazy psychos. I saw no reason to show that I had been scared. I figured that the best way to handle it would be to act like nothing ever changed. Act like nothing ever happened."

"Ok, Patrick, it's your turn, why is it that, in Sarah's words, you've changed completely since the attack?"

"Well, for one thing, that attack scared the hell out of me. Do you know what it's like to come home and see a deranged madman standing over the two most important people in your life with a knife? He had already started trying to kill them, he had broken Sarah's arm and Abby had scrapes all along her back. He would have killed them too if I hadn't come home when I did. And it was entirely my fault. I baited him, I was showing off, and he almost killed my family. I just couldn't do that anymore. I couldn't stand there and lie to everyone and do what I had been doing. So I stopped."

"Ok, now I want you two to _talk_ about what you both just said."

"You're never going to give up the CBI are you?"

"Probably not. I enjoy working there, I feel like I'm getting something accomplished. Before, it was like I was just deceiving people, being dishonest, and getting paid for it." He paused for a second. "You're never going to give up the 'high class' are you?"

"No, I don't think I am. I love the glitz and glamor. I know it's odd, but I like the competition of who's the best. I like going to the country clubs and saps and gossiping with the rest of the women there. Even if I know that when I'm not there they're gossiping about me."

"How can you live like that? Knowing that people are always talking behind your back."

"You did it too Patrick, before this whole mess started. You lived in this world with me. You enjoyed it as much as I do."

"But I don't enjoy it anymore. Hanging out with people who are all so phony. Most of the people I work with, the biggest secret they're hiding is that they're gay or are attracted to someone at the office. But if it were to come out, the most that would happen would be a little embarrassment. No one would really care. It would blow over in a day or two. Here, in this world, secrets can come back to haunt you, years after they come out. They never die, they never go away, and I'm sick of it."

"I don't want to give it up. I grew up in this world Patrick. I know what's going on; I know how to deal with it. I like it. You used to like it too. You used to throw a party just to find out what people's secrets are. You thrived on that power you had."

"And it almost got you killed. I can't do that anymore Sarah. I just can't do it. I can't handle that guilt and fear. I worry about it every day, thinking I'm going to come home from work and find you and Abby dead. I just can't live with that."

"I worry too Patrick. I worry that one day you're not going to come home. I worry that I'm going to get a call from that woman you work with say that you were shot. I can't handle that."

They sat there looking at each other, neither willing to concede. They were both stubborn and unwilling to change. They just looked at each other, ignoring Dr. Jacobs who was waiting for them to keep talking. They were both wondering the same thing-_Was what they wanted worth giving up their marriage over?_


	21. Eric Northman

**Authors Note: **I'm not 100% thrilled with this chapter, but, there it is anyway. I hope you all like it.

**Disclaimer: **The only people I own in this fic are Abby and Sarah. I don't even own Sarah's 'boyfriend', I totally stole him. Bonus point for anyone who can figure out where I stole him from.

**What if? Chapter 20-Eric Northman**

Jane was sitting on his sofa doing Sudoku puzzles. Actually, it just looked like he was doing them. Really he was just writing numbers absently in the little squares and thinking about the conversation he and Sarah had the day before in their therapy session. He didn't want to tell anyone but he was thinking of giving up his work at the CBI. He didn't know if it would help, but it was worth a try. He didn't know if he would ever be able to go back to 'work' in the privet sector, but, he loved Sarah, he had to do something. Didn't he?

**********

Van Pelt was coming down the hall from the file room. Jane had been acting odd all day and the less time she spent around him the better. She stopped dead in her tracks when she rounded the corner however. Standing by the elevator, looking a little lost, was one of the most gorgeous men she had ever seen. Taller than Rigsby and not an inch of fat on him. Blond hair, ice blue eyes, he was like a god.

She shook herself when she realized that she was staring and walked up to him. "Hi, can I help you?"

"Yes, I am looking for Patrick Jane." He had an almost undetectable accent, she couldn't quite place it, but if she had to guess, she'd say he was from somewhere in Europe.

"Patrick Jane, sure he's just right in there." She pointed and then watched as he walked away. He was even more gorgeous from behind. She had to share him with someone, someone who would appreciate his beauty. Lisbon, she'd have to go tell Lisbon.

"Hey Lisbon," she said poking her head into her office, "You have to see this guy who just came to see Jane."

"Really? Why is that?" Lisbon asked as she got up from her desk.

"You just have to see him, you'll understand." She walked out of the office and pointed discreetly at the man who was now standing in front of Jane at the couch.

"My god, literally. He is breathtaking." Lisbon whispered to Van Pelt illogically thinking that if she whispered no one would notice that they were staring.

"Hey guys, what's up?" Rigsby asked walking up to them and noticing the odd looks on their faces.

"Jane's got a visitor." Van Pelt said gesturing. Rigsby looked over and let out a low whistle, even he could appreciate that.

As they were watching Jane jumped off his couch and threw himself at the stranger. He was obviously trying to tackle him to the ground. Jane took a swing at the man and brought the rest of the team out of their trance and into action.

Rigsby ran and grabbed Jane's arms and pulled him off the stranger while Lisbon got in between them.

"What the hell are you doing Jane?" Lisbon asked looking at him in disbelief.

"This is my old manager." Jane said in explanation. Only Lisbon understood.

"Oh. Um, Van Pelt, why don't you take Mr.-"

"Northman"

"Mr. Northman to the interrogation room to wait for Jane. Jane, come with me." Grace led the man to the interrogation room and Jane reluctantly followed Lisbon to her office.

She shut the door behind her and gestured for Jane to take a seat in one of the chairs by her desk. He shook his head and remained standing as Lisbon took a few steps closer to him. "I don't care who he is Jane, you cannot attack people."

"He was sleeping with my wife."

"I know that. I also know he's practically twice your size. If he wanted to he could have probably knocked you out."

"Maybe."

"Maybe? Defiantly. What did he say to you anyway?"

"He told me that he loved my wife and was sorry for any problems he may have caused."

"So you tried to tackle him? Did you actually think you would have pulled it off? You couldn't even tackle Rigsby and that Eric Northman is twice his size."

"He's not." Jane said in a tone that was almost sulking.

"Yea he is. Jane, I know he did some pretty crappy things to you, I know he betrayed your friendship, but you CANNOT attack people inside the CBI headquarters. Take him out for a drink and then get the shit beat out of you, don't do it at work."

"Right. Thanks for the advice Lisbon."

"I'm serious Jane. No funny business at work. Go ahead and talk to him, but if you want to get your ass beat, take it outside."

Jane just glared and walked out of her office. She didn't understand. This man had ruined his marriage. He had been sleeping with his wife. He had once been considered a friend. It just wasn't fair. And now Eric showed up and his work and all the woman swooned for him. Jane wasn't stupid. He knew that at least Lisbon and Van pelt had seen him. He had been described as a god by some.

He walked into the interrogation room where Rigsby was busy sizing up Eric. Jane could practically read Rigsby's mind. He was thinking that the new guy didn't seem so tuff, and that, given the chance and enough alcohol he could take him. "Thanks Rigsby, I can take it from here."

Rigsby looked like he didn't believe him. "It's ok Rigsby, I'm not going to try to attack him; Lisbon has sufficiently chastised me. I'll be good."

"Fine, but if I hear anything but talking coming from here, I'm coming back in." Rigsby gave them both one last glare and then walked out the door leaving them alone.

Eric was sitting at the table, in the typical suspect chair. Jane took the seat across from him, the one he sat in so often. "So, before we were so rudely interrupted, what is it that you wanted to say to me?"

"I am sorry Patrick for any harm I may have caused you or your wife."

Jane snorted.

"I'm serious. I had no plans to start an affair with Sarah when I ran into her that day at the club."

Jane just stared at him, waiting for him to go on.

"You never went out with her anymore. It started out innocent enough. We just talked. She told me about the attack, about how you changed, about how she didn't really know Abby anymore. She really is your daughter, always has been. And it hurt her to know that Abby was closer to you than she would ever be to her."

"She talked to you. That's how this all started? Because she talked to you?"

"Yes. And for a while that's all it was, talk."

"Is that what they're calling it these days?"

"Humor was never your strong point Patrick. No, really we'd talk. She'd come to the club and we'd have lunch and we'd talk. It wasn't until one night when you didn't show up that we moved our relationship forward."

"When _I_ didn't show up?"

"Yes. It was a function for the art museum. You were supposed to meet her there but called at the last minute and said that you couldn't come because of work. She was devastated. She said that she just didn't understand you anymore."

Jane glared at him, waiting for him to go on.

"I didn't plan on it happening Patrick, and when I found out that not only had she not told you but that she never planned on telling you I broke it off. She's a very special woman, I love her, and I want her to be happy. Despite what the problems in your marriage are, I couldn't be with her when I knew that she must still love you."

"How'd you come to that conclusion?"

"Because she didn't want to leave you."

Jane just sat there looking at him, not saying anything. After a few minutes Eric got up and left, not saying good bye, just leaving. Jane continued to sit there after he left, thinking. He thought about why Sarah had an affair in the first place, because he hadn't been there for her. He remembered that case; it was during that case that he first felt _something_ improper for the small woman who was now watching him from the interrogation room.

It was that feeling that had kept him from making it to the art museum that night. He'd been with Lisbon as she tracked down a suspect, he didn't need to be there, but he was. He thought about what they had talked about in their last therapy session. Was he going to be able to leave the CBI and go back to those functions? The art museum had been the first one he'd missed in the entire time they had been married, and he hadn't gone to one since then.

Had Eric been the one to accompany Sarah to everything that he, Patrick Jane, now loathed. He thought about why he had stopped going, other than the reason he'd thought of before. He hated going and deflecting people's requests for readings. At crime scenes he could play around and have fun and not have to worry about anyone asking them to contact dead relatives or channel cheating spouses.

He made people laugh now, not cry. And when he made _her_ laugh, that was more important than anything.

Jane sat bolt upright in the chair. This was not good. He needed to talk to Sarah, and he needed to do it now. Not caring who was looking or who would see he practically ran out of the CBI building to his car. He needed to see her now. He needed to know.


	22. Surprise

**What if? Chapter 21-Surprise**

Jane had slowed his frenzied rush slightly once he had gotten to his car. The more he thought about it the less he wanted to know the answer to the question he was going to ask Sarah when he got home. Abby had dance practice after school today so he didn't have to worry about her coming home at a bad time. With any luck it would all be over by the time she was dropped off.

He pulled up the long drive towards the house and parked in the garage. He noticed that both his "nice" car and his wife's car were parked in there as well. He hoped that there wouldn't be anyone there that wouldn't have had a car, as there were none parked in the drive way, but he knew that Sarah usually parked in front of the house if she was going to have to give anyone a ride anywhere.

Jane entered the house through the door in the garage; it entered into the laundry room, which neither of them used very often. They had a maid who took care of most of the house hold chores, including the laundry. He didn't even know if Sarah had ever set foot in the laundry room other than to get to and from the garage.

He walked down the hallway quietly; there were really only a few places she could be. It was too late for lunch, so she wouldn't be in the kitchen. She'd always teased him about how much he loved to cook; she probably wouldn't even be able to turn on the stove. He doubted that she would be in the bedroom. She wasn't much of a nap person, and he really didn't want to think about any other reason she might be in the bedroom. That really only left the TV room and the living room.

Sara wasn't really a TV watcher, not that she didn't but, she had a new book and if he had to bet on it, he'd say that she was reading it in the living room. Jane remembered when she brought it home the night before. She was so excited and it just radiated from her, in her face and the rest of her body, it was rather sweet really.

He found her right where he thought she would be, curled up in the corner of the sofa with her feet tucked up under her, only she wasn't reading. The book was sitting on the table in front of her, an object of some sort keeping her place, but from the angle he was a he couldn't tell what it was. She was looking out the window, but her eyes weren't focused, it was obvious that she was deep in thought.

He walked up behind the sofa, resting his hand on her shoulder to let her know he was there. She didn't jump at the unexpected touch so much as take a deep breath and turn her head to see him.

"Hey, you're home early." She said, stretching slightly and going to stand up. Jane patted her on the shoulder to encourage her to remain seated and walked around the sofa, sitting and pulling her into his embrace.

"I had an interesting visitor at work today."

"He came to see me too."

"Eric?"

"Yea."

"What did he say?"

"He came to tell me that he was going to see you. He stayed on the porch."

"Thank you for having him stay on the porch, but I don't care that he came to see you."

"Really? Why is that?"

Instead of answering her he pulled her closer and kissed her on her head. The way he was holding her her head was resting on his chest and he looked down at her hair. He tried to remember what her original hair color had been when they met 20 years ago. She had been a dark blond, by the time they were married 5 years later she was more red than blond. When Abby was born she was a brunet, and now, she was back to blond. He shook his head slightly to clear it, what her original hair color might be and whether she died and how often was not why he was sitting here right now, in the middle of the day. "Eric came to apologize to me."

Sarah made a slight noise that wasn't really anything more than an acceptance of what she had said.

"He told me he loved you. And that was why he broke it off with you."

"Really?" She was slightly concerned about where this was heading, and she still hadn't told him her news.

"Sarah, I never asked, I never thought it was important or any of my business, but," he took a deep breath, "do you, or did you, love him."

Sarah sat in his arms, just enjoying being close to him for a minute. She wasn't planning on answering his question, at least not right now. It wasn't as important as he thought. "Patrick, I love you. That's what matters."

"So you do love him."

"Wither I did or do or not is not important."

"I think it is. Eric told me that the only reason that he broke off your 'relationship' was because you hadn't told me. Why is it that he thought you would have told me? Why did it take him leaving to get you to tell me?"

"I don't know. I guess I couldn't stand to see that disappointment in your eyes when you found out. I knew you loved me, and despite all my protesting, I knew that you would never be unfaithful to me. And there I was, sleeping with you old manager. But, Patrick, it was like you had checked out of our relationship. You spent all your time at work, and when you weren't at work you were thinking about it. We never talked, we were rarely intimate, it was like we were just going through the motions. Eric, he was everything that you used to be, when we first met, everything that I wanted, still want."

"I'm sorry I can't give that to you." Jane said, this was it, now was the time. He had to tell her that he wasn't as innocent in all of this as she thought. That although he never slept with anyone else, it wasn't as if he hadn't been tempted, it wasn't as if he hadn't picked someone else over her to spend time with. He opened his mouth to speak again when Sarah beat him to it.

"Can you hand me my book?"

Jane pulled back from her slightly so he could look her in the face. "Your book, we're having a serious conversation here."

"Please, just hand me my book."

Jane sighed, she was shutting him out again, he could feel it. He pulled away from her so he could lean over and grab her book off the table. As he handed it to her, the thing that had been stuck in the pages marking her place fell out. Jane bent over to pick it up and stopped cold. In his hand was a small white stick; on the stick were two marks. A little blue line, and next to it, a small blue plus.


	23. Surprise Again

**Authors Note: **Because there was some confusion on the time line (actually there wasn't, people just had the hopeless notion that Eric might be involved in the next part of our tail) let me quickly review. Eric ended the affair with Sarah just before school got out for the summer. Abby's birthday party was in the summer, and in the last chapter it was mentioned that Abby was back in school. So, let's say that it's been 5 months. So, that would make it September. As my kids are going back to school in a week, yea, that's possible.

**Disclaimer: **Yea, no.

**What if? Chapter 22-Surprise Again**

"Sarah."

"Yea?" Her voice was quiet, as if she was afraid of his reaction.

"Is this what I think it is?"

"Yea."

He was trying to control his reaction, he wanted to know how she felt about it, she had always said she didn't want to have another one, and well, he didn't want to get too excited if this was going to be a bad thing. "Are you happy?" He looked at her then, wanting to gauge her reaction.

"I-I don't know. Still a little shocked I think." She paused and smiled at him. "But you can be happy, that might help."

It was only then that he let a huge smile erupt on his face. This was not what he had expected at all when he had come home, was it what he wanted? He wasn't sure, but, he was going to be a daddy again. He pulled Sarah into a soft tender kiss, he was happy, really, that they were going to be having another baby.

He pulled back and smiled again. "We need to celebrate."

"By doing what?"

"Dinner, tonight. I'll see if I can get a reservation at that Italian restaurant that you love. And I'll get Abby early from dance so she can get ready too. Oh does she know yet?"

"No, I just took the test this morning, right before Eric came."

"That's ok, we can tell her tonight." Jane was trying not to jump up and down, this was a good thing, he had to keep telling himself that. This was what they needed to make their marriage work, this was what they needed.

*************************************************************************************

Lisbon sat at the table in the rather upscale Italian restaurant across from Brian. He'd been acting odd all week, and tonight was no exception. He had excused himself to the men's room and so to occupy her time until the food arrived she looked around at the other people in the restaurant.

There was an older couple who were clearly celebrating, she noticed the loving looks that he kept giving her and the way that she rested her hand on his across the table. It was very sweet. She let her gaze linger on them for a minute before continuing on.

He gaze stopped again when she saw a familiar face, Jane was here, and so was Sarah and Abby. Well, it certainly seemed that the visit from Eric had done some good today. She had been sure when Jane left in such a rush she would end up finding him sleeping on the couch at the CBI building later that night, but it looked like they were all very happy, Jane more than the others though.

Her table was positioned in a way that she could see them but that they couldn't see her, not unless they made it very obvious and knew that she was there, so she decided to just watch them being a family. He watched as the waiter came up and offered wine, Jane accepted but she noticed that Sarah declined. That was odd, Lisbon didn't know Sarah very well, but she'd never seen her turn down a drink.

Jane was talking to Abby now, and the smile on his face was getting even larger than it had been it that was possible. As Lisbon watched, she saw Jane place a hand over Sarah's abdomen and rub slightly, then Abby got a look on her face that was a mix of shock excitement and happiness. What was going on at that table? She thought about it a bit more. Sarah's accusations of Jane thinking of someone else when they were having sex obviously meant that they had been, and then it hit her. Sarah was pregnant.

And for some reason a little part inside of her was sad and disappointed. She quickly tramped it down, but could tell that it was going to creep back up when she least expected it. She was still sitting there in her chair looking over at the family Jane when Brain came back to the table blocking her view. The food arrived right afterwards and they ate in relative silence, both lost in their thoughts.

"Would you like desert Teresa?" Brian asked her after their plates had been cleared.

"No, not tonight." Teresa said, smiling, she had been distracted by her thoughts on Jane and his new baby. She was wondering if it had been planned, or if it had been a surprise. Sarah had certainly not looked nearly as excised as Jane had, and Lisbon thought she remembered Jane telling her once that Sarah didn't want any more children. Lisbon hoped that whatever happened that they would be happy together and that the children would always be the most important thing.

Lisbon felt a hand on her knee and looked down to see Brian's hand, which was attached to his arm, which was attached to the rest of his body currently down on one knee in front of her. He wasn't happening, there was no way that he could be doing what she thought he was.

"Teresa Lisbon, will you marry me?"

No, he was doing what he thought she was. "Brian I-" She looked up, now that Brian was on the ground her view of Jane's table was once again unobstructed. She saw how happy he looked and she could practically see the sparkle in Abby's eyes from here. She wanted that, and this was the closest she was ever going to get. "Yes. Yes, I'll marry you.

*************************************************************************************

Jane was having fun at dinner. He always had fun when he went out with Abby. They had been talking about how school was going and how the rehearsals for the fall dance concert were going. And of course the baby. Abby had been thrilled when they, or rather he, had told her that Sarah was pregnant. They talked about if Abby wanted a brother or sister, what names she liked, how they should decorate the baby's room. Really, Abby seemed more excited about it than Sarah did, but he figured she's come around. This was a god thing.

There was a lull in their conversation as Abby busied herself with the chocolate cake she had for desert and Sarah went to the ladies room and Jane decided to look around the restaurant for the first time that night. The large group that had been sitting near them had just left and as Jane looked out he saw a man down on one knee. Apparently he wasn't the only one here tonight to celebrate a life changing event.

He felt a grin spreading to his face, again, as he looked up to the woman who was getting proposed to, and the smile stopped. It was Lisbon. Lisbon was getting proposed to. By Brian. Jane didn't know why but he felt a small flicker of jealousy stir inside him. That was ridiculous. Why would he be jealous that Brian was going to be marring Lisbon. He had no claim to her, she was a free single woman.

He watched as Brian slid the ring onto Lisbon's finger and sighed. She wasn't a free single woman any longer, she was engaged, to a man who didn't deserve her. To a man who had waited for the woman to make the first move. There wasn't any way that Brian could love her as much as he did.

WAIT! What the hell was that? There was no way he just thought that. He didn't love Lisbon. She was just a friend, a friend who was going to be getting married and having a family, like he did. There was no reason that he should be jealous of Brain. No, no there was no reason not to be happy for her. No reason at all.


	24. Baby Shower

**What if? Chapter 23-Baby Shower**

Jane stretched down on his old brown leather couch in the CBI building. He'd forgotten how comfortable it could be. Sure he still laid on it while he was at work, but not as often. Even since he'd found out that Sarah was pregnant he'd made an extra effort to be more than just the annoying consultant at work. He knew that Sarah wanted him to move back into the public circle, but, he just couldn't do it.

It had been forever since he found himself in the CBI office after hours. Tonight though it wasn't a fight or a fear that had caused him to come back to work after everyone had left. Tonight was Sarah's baby shower. She was 7 months along now, and seemed to be warming to the idea of having a baby at home again.

He sighed as he closed his eyes and thought back two months ago to the sonogram, he'd been so excited to see if they were having a boy or girl. And when he'd seen it, well, there was no denying what the baby was. A little boy. He was going to have a son. A little Patrick Jr. Only, Sarah wasn't thrilled with that as a name. They were still debating on it.

He was still lost in thoughts of the future when he heard the ding of the elevator. That was odd. Usually the only person that he ran into this late at night was Lisbon, but she was at the baby shower, as was Van Pelt. Jane sat and listened to the sound of someone walking, it _was_ Lisbon, why was she here?

He waited to see if she was going to come into the bull pen to see him or if she was going to go into her office. He hadn't really had a chance to talk with her one on one like they used to, and he missed it. But with the baby coming, he really didn't trust himself not to do something unwise if he were alone with her for very long.

"I thought I'd find you here." She was leaning up against his desk, he could tell just by the sound of her voice.

"I thought you were off enjoying a baby shower?" Jane said opening his eyes and sitting up, gesturing for her to take a seat next to him. She was dressed much very differently than the last time they sat on this couch together. In a jeans and a t-shirt she looked like she'd dressed more for comfort than anything else.

"Turns out I was stealing Sarah's thunder, my ring kept distracting people." She was trying to joke, but Jane knew she was self conscious about it.

"Let me see it."

"You've seen it Jane. You were one of the first people who saw it."

"Come on Lisbon, let me see it."

"Fine." She held out her left hand for him. She tried to ignore the slight tingle as he grabbed her hand and smoothed his thumb over her fingers.

"Well, it is a little on the large size."

"A little? The thing is huge, way too big for my hand. It's not something I would have picked out." And it wasn't. It was a platinum band with a large diamond in the middle, surrounded on both sides with a series of progressively smaller diamonds and it stuck out a good fourth an inch.

"It's what 2 carats?"

"3. I don't even want to know how much it costs. I'm afraid to wear it at work, I'm afraid I'm going to scratch it or lose it."

"It's a diamond Lisbon. You can't scratch it taking a down a suspect."

"I know that. I just, it's too loud for me."

"It is a nice ring though."

"Yes, and apparently all of your wife's friends just love it. They were all telling me what they thought. I had to get out of there."

They sat in silence for a minute before Jane spoke again. "So, have you picked a date yet?"

"Have you picked a name?" Lisbon retorted.

"No. But, we still have 2 months. Sarah isn't due until June 3 and it's only April 9th."

"The nursery looks lovely by the way. Sarah made sure to show everyone." She paused for a second. "How's she doing anyway? I seem to remember you saying before that she never wanted more children."

"It's growing on her. I think she's come to except it. Not hard to do when you can't fit in your clothes anymore."

"I hope you don't tell her that."

"No, I'm a good husband, I tell her she's beautiful, no matter what."

"How are _you_ doing? I know it was really rough there for while, that can't just go away over night."

"We're still seeing the counselor, only, I don't think it's doing any good. It's almost as if we've resigned ourselves to the way things are going to be."

"At least you still love her."

"Right. There is that."

"How's Abby taking all of this?"

"Oh she's thrilled with the baby. She's always wanted a little brother. She said that she's glad it's a boy because now she doesn't have to worry about him getting into her stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her that it won't matter to the baby if she's a girl, he's still going to try to get into her stuff."

"Isn't that the truth. Four brothers and every single one of them played with my makeup at some point in their lives. Only one of them still wears it."

Jane chuckled slightly. They had both leaned back against the couch. Jane had kept a hold of Lisbon's hand, not on purpose, but because there wasn't really a reason to let it go. Every once in a while he would brush his thumb over the back of her hand, he wasn't sure why, he just enjoyed doing it.

They just sat there like that talking for what seemed like hours. Both just enjoying each other's company. Jane would regal her with tales of his life as a psychic and the tricks he used to pull on his teachers in high school and Lisbon would tell him about her brothers and their antics, and even what they were doing now. Jane learned that one of her brothers had also just gotten married and was pressing her to have a duel ceremony with her.

"What would have happened do you think if Sarah hadn't gotten pregnant?" Lisbon asked after telling Jane about the time one of her brothers tried to give the cat the same summer hair cut all the boys had gotten, shaved to the scalp.

"I don't know." Jane said, looking anywhere but at her.

"Liar."

"Why are you marrying Brian?"

"I love him."

"Liar."

"What would you have done if Sarah wasn't pregnant and I wasn't marrying Brian?" It was Lisbon's turn not to look at Jane as he struggled with wither to answer or not. His phone ringing kept him from having to make that decision.

"Hello…Oh, it's over…yea, I'll be home in just a bit…I love you."

"Sarah?"

"Yea, I guess the party's over. Time to go home." They both stood and walked towards the elevator. "I've missed out little chats," He said as they rode down the elevator together.

"I know, I've missed them too. We should get together sometime before the baby's born. I don't think you'd have much time afterwards."

"You're right. I'll have to see if I can get some time off right around then, I know Sarah's going to need me at home."

Lisbon smiled a sad sort of smile at him. "I'm sure that won't be a problem. You never use your vacation time."

"Yes, Sarah likes to remind me of that"

"At work tomorrow we can check and see how much time you've got so you can put in for the time off." They separated to walk towards their cars when Lisbon turned around and called to him, "Jane!"

"Yea!"

"Engagement party next month."

"You've been engaged for six months already."

"Apparently that's how long it's taken his mother to plan the thing. As soon as it's over, we'll have to set a date so she can start planning the monstrous affair."

"That bad huh?"

"She sent out 100 invitations for the engagement party, and that doesn't include any of my friends."

"We'll be there."

"Abby too, I'm sure she'd have fun, there's going to be dancers there, I guess that's the way to make sure people dance."

Jane just laughed and watched her walk away. He hoped she was happy, because lately he wasn't so sure himself.

**Authors Note: **Want to know what the ring should look like? Because I did a horrible job describing it. Just take out the spaces before the dots.

http://www .tiffany .com/Engagement/item .aspx?GroupSku=GRP10014&selectedSku=21393967#p+1-n+6-cg+viewPaged-c+-s+0-r+-t+-ri+-ni+1-x+-pu+-f+0/1008/0/0/0/1008


	25. Engagement Party

**Authors Note:** I just wanted to give a quick thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed and favorited and alerted and all that jazz. it relaly means the world to me to know that this story seems so well liked. Oh, and for anyone who hasn't reviewed, just have to trust me, it all works out in the end.

**Disclaimer:** Oh, I so wish that I owned them, but then, the people who do own them do such a good job at it, that I don't think it would be a good idea for me to own them

**What if? Chapter 24-Engagement Party**

Lisbon walked around the large house. She hadn't even known that there were places like this, huge homes that were rented out to hold huge parties. It was not something that she would have chosen. She hated her dress. It was too long, but not long enough, it made her look short, and even with the four inch high heels she was still short. And the color, all it did was wash her out. It was not something she would have chosen either. In fact nothing in the room was anything she would have picked for herself. And to think, she'd taken the day off work to get ready for this party.

And it was raining, so they couldn't even use the garden, which was really the best part of the whole house. She sighed. Most of the guests had already arrived. Even some of her friends had managed to come when they got done laughing at where the party was going to be. They all assumed that she was joking with her when they got the invitations. Her brothers couldn't come, there hadn't been enough notice for them to get the time off work, but the both promised to come for the wedding, as long as they could get away with wearing simple suits.

She smiled as she saw Van Pelt, Rigsby and Cho coming in the door and hurried over to them. "I'm so glad you guys could come."

"Wow, never thought you'd be into this sort of thing." Cho said, looking around.

"Yea, well, it's not something I would have chosen." She sighed and looked around. "So how was work today?"

"It was fine boss," Rigsby answered quickly.

"What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything."

Lisbon looked at him with a skeptical look on her face, if there was one thing she knew it was that she couldn't leave this group unattended and not come back to some sort of disaster. She smiled a slightly evil smile, one that she had learned from Jane, and turned to Van Pelt. "What did these idiots do?"

"Eating contest." Lisbon smiled, it was almost too easy.

"An eating contest? Between you and Jane?" She was addressing Rigsby again. But he didn't answer, Cho did.

"No, between Rigsby and the new mail boy. Jane was just the official. Guess who lost."

"Can't eat your weight in food anymore Rigsby?"

"The contest was fixed. You can't drink a gallon of milk in less than 4 minutes and keep it down. Jane knew that and he tipped off the new kid."

"Or maybe," Van Pelt said with a smile, "You're just a sore loser."

Lisbon just laughed. She was actually sorry to have missed it, not that she wanted to see Rigsby barf up a gallon of milk, but she could have made a little money out of the deal. "You guys should really try the food, it's really good. Apparently Brian's mom went through 3 caterers before settling on this one."

"Three caterers for the engagement party? I'd hate to have to help plan the wedding." Van pelt said as Rigsby and Cho went off to find the food.

"You're telling me. I'm beginning to think eloping might be a good idea." They were walking through the party so that Lisbon could give the allusion of mingling with the guest she didn't even know.

"No, you can't elope." Grace said as they both grabbed tall glasses of campaign off of trays as a waiter passed by.

"Why not?"

"Because then I wouldn't get to be a brides maid."

"Well, I guess I'll just have to suffer through." Lisbon said smiling. She began to ask her what else was accomplished at work today besides Rigsby losing his eating champion title when Brian walked up to them.

"Teresa, there you are. I've been looking everywhere for you."

"Oh, I was just chatting with Grace here, have you met Grace?"

"Um, no, I don't think that I have."

"Grace, this is my fiancé Brain, Brian, this is Grace Van Pelt, she's one of the agents on my team at work."

"So Teresa's your boss? How's that like?"

"Fine I guess. She's fair and a good agent." Van Pelt was a little uncomfortable, She wasn't thrilled with Brian, she had met him before, he's come by the CBI and they'd been introduced, but apparently he didn't remember. Which was all well and good because he'd tried to hit on her.

"That's nice, Teresa dear, I've got some people I need you to meet." Brian said, sliding his arm through hers to lead her away.

"I'll see you later ok Van Pelt?" Lisbon asked as she walked away. Van Pelt nodded and walked to where Rigsby was holding a waiter with a tray of shrimp hostage.

"She seems very nice dear." Brian said as he walked towards one of the smaller rooms off of what had originally been the living room.

"She is, she's been on the just over a year and she's proved invaluable."

"That's nice." He didn't really care about her work, but it was something that she liked, so he tried to pay attention. "I want you to meet a few people from the hospital."

For the next hour she was dragged around meeting people who she didn't care about, who she would never meet again, and she had to smile about it. She caught occasional glimpses of Van Pelt, Rigsby and Cho as well as the rest of her friends who had been invited and looked at them longingly before being redirected to meet another doctor who was a head of something.

Finally unable to take anymore hand shaking she excused herself to go to the lady's room. She waited until she was sure she was out of Brian's line of sight and then grabbed a drink and headed for the patio. It had stopped raining, and the sky was starting to clear. She looked up at the sky and saw the moon peaking through the clouds, illuminating the walk in front of her.

She wound her way through the garden, enjoying the fresh smell that always followed rain. She bent to smell a rose and wished she had someone with her to enjoy it. She thought about Brian, but knew that he had very little patience for things like a leisurely walk. He was a runner and liked to remind her of that. They were running together every morning before she went off to work. But they never went for walks.

That's one thing she always thought she'd do with the man she married. It was an old-fashioned notion really. She remembered that her mother and father used to go for walks. They all would go. Her and her brothers would run down the street in front of their parents, running races and seeing who could get to the next driveway, fence post, street corner, before the rest of them. They would always holler at their parents to walk faster, but they never did. They would just smile at each other and hold hands, not paying attention to the complaints of the children in front of them.

Lisbon looked down at her hands, they were small like her mothers had been. She looked at the ring, it was a very pretty ring, but it was just too large for her hand. She smiled as she thought about the baby shower that she had left early from. She'd really enjoyed just talking to Jane that night, even if there were those uncomfortable moments. They had made an effort to get together once a week just to talk.

So what if she didn't tell Jane that Brian thought she was staying late at work? Brian was unfairly jealous of Jane. Lisbon didn't know why, she couldn't figure it out, but, he was, and would probably not be happy if he knew that once a week she went out to dinner with him. As colleges only of course. They just both needed someone to talk to.

She stopped then and thought. She didn't remember seeing Jane here, or Sarah and Abby for that matter. She knew they would have found her when they got here. Where were they? She was turning to go back to the house, she had left her cell phone in the kitchen in the care of one of the cooks because her dress didn't have pockets and she wasn't carrying a purse. Just as she was almost to the large French doors that were still closed to the subtle breeze the same cook that she had left her cell phone with came hurrying towards her.

"I've been looking for you everywhere. Your phone's been ringing for the past 5 minutes nonstop."

"Oh, thank you." Lisbon said, taking the phone from the woman who hurried back to the kitchen.

She looked down and noticed 15 missed calls, all from Jane. It was a little bit of over kill she thought, if he hadn't been able to come one phone call and message would have been fine. She decided to check her voice mail before calling him back, with any luck she could find out what was so urgent.

She held the phone to her ear as she listened to the first message, They were on their way, it said, but running late and they would be their soon. He made a joke about making sure to save some food for them if Rigsby got there first and then hung up.

The next message though was the one that stopped her in her tracks. As she listened the blood drained from her face and she almost dropped the phone. She had to leave. NOW.


	26. She's Not Moving

**Authors Note: **So I managed to get this done last night, so here it is. I know no one cares what I have to say, but congrats to the people who guessed-Elodie Wolfe, 7, hollas, and JelloFanatic123.

**Disclaimer:** Obviously they're not mine, I'm surprised you even had to ask.

**What if? Chapter 25-She Wasn't Moving  
**

Van Pelt was smiling, not because she was having a good time, but because it would have been rude not too. She had just spent the last half an hour dancing, and while that normally would have been something she would have enjoyed, the man she was dancing with was making her want to tear her hair out. He had spent the whole time listening to him tell her how wonderful he was. She had to get away from him.

Saying that she needed some fresh air, which to her surprise worked, Van Pelt looked around quickly to see if she could find Rigsby before she made her way over to the large French doors that lead to the patio. It had stopped raining and it looked like the clouds were clearing. As she got closer she saw Lisbon standing outside with her phone to her ear. Van pelt smiled, she was thinking that Lisbon was probably trying to figure out where Jane was.

She was getting ready to open the door when she saw the expression on her bosses face change. The blood drained from Lisbon's face and she looked like she was going to fall over. Rushing through the door Van Pelt practically ran up to the smaller woman.

"Lisbon, what's wrong?" She felt helpless watching her boss just stand there, staring into space.

Lisbon didn't say anything, instead, she held her phone out for the younger woman to take. Van Pelt gave her a questioning look before holding the phone to her ear. She heard an automated voice saying that the message from just a few minutes ago was going to repeat before she heard a voice she recognized.

"_Lisbon, you have to help, there's blood, everywhere, the car, it just came out of nowhere. Abby, oh God, Abby, I don't know where she is, Sarah, she's-she's not moving. You have to help."_ There was the sound of sirens in the back ground before the call abruptly ended.

"Oh no." Van Pelt breathed as she heard the message. "We have to find them."

"Yeah," Lisbon seemed to snap out of it when she heard Van Pelt speak. "I'm going to call dispatch, you go find Cho and Rigsby. I'm sure they'll want to know too." Van Pelt nodded and rushed back inside the building.

She found the guys quickly enough, they were trying and failing to hit on some of the female doctors that had come to the party. They knew something was wrong as soon as they saw Van Pelt coming and were immediately in business mode.

"What's wrong?" Rigsby asked as soon as Van Pelt was close enough that they didn't have to shout.

"It's Jane, he's been in a car accident. I don't know where, Lisbon is finding out."

"Who was with him?" Asked Cho.

"Abby and Sarah, it didn't sound good."

"Let's grab a car."

It didn't take long for the three of them to be outside in Van Pelt's Jeep waiting for Lisbon to come join them. Van Pelt noticed that she looked slightly less shaken than she had before. Actually she looked a little angry.

"You ok boss?" Cho asked as they headed down the road to the hospital that dispatch had informed them which hospital Jane and his family had been taken to.

"Yeah, just, some people don't understand how close our team is, they don't understand why we all needed to leave."

No one wanted to comment on that, they all knew that she must be talking about Brian, but they all knew better than to pry. They were at the hospital faster than they should have been but no one seemed to care. It didn't take long to find out where the Jane's were. They had to flash badges and pull the CBI card, but they found out.

"You three go find Jane, he should be upstairs waiting outside of the operating rooms for Sarah, I'm going to find Abby."

"Sure thing boss." Was the response as the rest of them headed for the elevator and Lisbon walked towards the emergency room to find Abby.

She walked in the direction that the woman at the front desk pointed out and stopped by the nurses' station to see where Abby was. She saw a uniformed cop standing there chatting with one of the nurses and pulled out her ID to identify herself.

"I'm looking for Abigail Jane, can you tell me what room she's in?"

"Yes, Agent Lisbon, she's in 109. Can I ask why it is you need to see her?" Asked the nurse.

"I'm a friend."

"Maybe you can help me out." Said the cop. His name plate identified him as E. Engstrom.

"Help you with what Officer Engstrom?"

"I've been trying to take that little girls' statement about what happened in the accent, but she won't talk to me."

"Well did you talk to her dad? He was there too and he might be able to tell you with what happened without getting upset."

"I already did ma'am, he hit his head pretty hard, he doesn't remember much more than they were driving then he woke up and couldn't find his daughter."

"I'll see what I can do but I make no promises, I can understand if she doesn't want to talk, she was just in a car accident."

Lisbon turned and walked to wards the room that the nurse had pointed out, knocking gently as she opened the door. "Abby, are you in here?"

She heard a noise that sounded like a sniffle before stepping in and looking at the young girl huddled on the bed. She noticed that Abby was cradling her arm as if it was injured and there was a nasty gash on her forehead. "How are you doing sweetie?" She asked as she sat on the bed next to her.

"Is mom going to be ok?" Abby asked, scooting closer to Lisbon. Lisbon took this as a sign and pulled her into her arms, comforting her.

"I don't know. I sent Wayne, Grace and Cho to check on her and your dad. They'll call me when they hear something." They were quiet for a minute before Lisbon decided to ask her about what the cop had said. "Officer Engstrom said he needed to talk to you about the accident, are you up to that?"

"I guess, are you going to be here?" Abby looked up at her with a scared look on her face.

"I'm not going anywhere. Well, I have to go get the officer, but other than that, I'll be here the whole time." Lisbon stuck her head out into the hallway and gestured for the officer to come into the room. She sat back on the bed with Abby as she told the story of what happened on the way to the engagement party.

"We were driving along, Mom was driving, the rain had stopped. It was quiet, Mom and Dad weren't talking, which means they weren't fighting, it was nice. I was looking out the window. I was thinking of the party, Dad said that there was going to be dancers, I love dancing. Then there was a crash, and there was glass and I think Mom screamed, I think I screamed. And then it all stopped. I hit my head and my arm on the door when the other car hit us, then the car stopped moving, the glass stopped falling and it was quiet. I had to get out of the car.

"The other car, it had hit us on Mom's side, I was sitting behind Dad so I opened my door. I looked in Dad's window his eyes were closed and he, he couldn't hear me. But when I went to Mom's side, her head was bleeding and she wasn't moving, and I was just so scared.

"The driver of the truck, the one that hit mom, he was coming out of his car, he called the police. I just stood there. My arm hurt, my head hurt. Dad started moving just before the ambulance got there."

Abby started to cry then and Lisbon pulled her close, holding her as the tears fell. The officer quietly excused himself and left them alone. Lisbon stayed there, holding Abby until the doctor came to check on Abby and X-Ray her arm. Only then did she allow herself to wonder and worry about what had happened to Jane and Sarah.


	27. Jane

**Authors Note: **Stupid uploarder, wouldn't let me update. Anyway here it is. I'm not a doctor, nor am I a professional author. I don't spend months researching a story to get all the little details right, so, bear with me in the next few chapter please.

**Disclaimer: **I wish.

**What if? Chapter 26-Jane**

Jane sat in the waiting room outside the operating rooms. He wanted to be in there with his wife and baby. He was really beginning to hate this hospital and he'd only been there for a half an hour. The chair he was sitting in wasn't the stereotypical hard plastic chair that most people think of when they think hospital waiting room. Not that they were soft, but they weren't plastic. They were upholstered in a hideous blue abstract pattern, and while they were padded, Jane found himself almost wishing that they _were_ made out of plastic, they might have been softer.

He had told the paramedics that he didn't want any medical attention but he was beginning to regret that decision. His head hut where he'd hit it on the window, his ankle was throbbing, he was pretty sure it wasn't broken, but it was definitely sprained, and the whole right side of his body hurt from where he had been slammed against the side of the car in the impact.

He thought about Abby and realized that he should probably be with her and not sitting out in the empty waiting room. There was nothing he could do here except worry about Sarah and the baby. He stood up and began to hobble towards the elevator when the doors slid open silently and three people stepped off. Seeing his coworkers was enough to make him want to let the tears he'd been holding in out, but, he still held on to the foolish notion that as a man he shouldn't be seen crying, he shouldn't show that weakness.

"You look like hell man." Cho was the first one to speak and Jane found that he was smiling despite the gravity of the situation.

"How is she?" Van Pelt, always the practical one.

"I don't know. She had a lot of internal bleeding, and a pretty nasty head wound, and a bunch of broken bones. I don't know what's going on, I don't know how the baby's doing, I'm sick of waiting and I need to find Abby."

"Lisbon's with Abby."

"Oh, she came? She should be at the party."

"You're the one who called her. What did you expect her to do?" They walked back to the chairs as Rigsby asked the question that didn't really need an answer.

"I don't know why I called her."

"Are you're sure you're ok? You look like you should be down stairs in the emergency room with Abby, not up here." Van Pelt was always the one to be concerned.

"I'm fine. I just, I need to know if Sarah is going to be ok."

"Jane, it's not going to do any good for Sarah or the baby if you don't get looked at."

"I'll be fine." Jane said brushing off her concern. He was getting grumpy, it was to be expected though, he'd just been in a car accident, his pregnant wife was in surgery, and he didn't even know how is daughter was doing. And he had a head ache, not that he would admit it. "I need to find Abby."

"Lisbon's with her." Patience was obviously needed with him right now.

"Right, she'll let me know if anything is wrong." Jane stared into space, not thinking, just sitting. Van Pelt sat next to Jane on one of the less than comfortable chairs. Rigsby and Cho took turns holding up the wall next to the door and pacing in front of the elevator.

None of them knew how long they've been waiting when the elevator door slid back open and Lisbon and Abby stepped off. Lisbon had her arm wrapped around the young girl and it was obvious that Abby has been crying.

They walked over to where Jane was sitting. "Dad?"

"Abby, oh, I'm sorry I wasn't down there with you, I don't know what I was thinking."

"It's ok Dad, Teresa was with me." Jane pulled his daughter into a tight hug and then pulled back from her so he could look at her. He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and started

"You had to get stitches. And you arm. It's broken." He pulled her back to him, not caring that it caused pain to course through his body when he did.

"Three stitches on her head and her arm was fractured, it's a simple break though, so it shouldn't take too much time to heal. I've got the paper work here, you'll need to take her to her regular doctor in a week to get the stitches out and have her arm looked at again to make sure it's healing properly." Lisbon sat on the other side of Jane as she explained what the doctor had told her.

Jane nodded and winced as the pain shot through his head.

"You need to get looked at." Lisbon said frowning at him.

"No, I need to be here with Abby and Sarah." Jane insisted, not wanting to leave before he knew what was going on.

Lisbon changed tactics. "Abby, would you be willing to wait here with Grace while I take your dad down stairs to see the doctor?"

Abby looked up at Lisbon and nodded. "Yes, sure I can stay here. I'll make sure mom is ok."

"When did you get to be so big?" Jane asked giving her a kiss on her forehead and standing slowly.

"I'm almost 13 Dad." She said, as if he could have forgotten

"I know sweetie." He said giving her one last hug before hobbling towards the elevator. He looked back over his shoulder as they waited for the elevator and started to turn around. "I've changed my mind; I think I'm just going to wait."

Lisbon grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the elevator that had just arrived. "You're not going to be doing anyone any favors if you're in so much pain you can't see straight."

"Fine, but I'm coming back the second the hear anything about Sarah."

"This is the hospital that Brian works at, I'm sure I can get him to pull a few strings so that you're seen first." She pulled out her cell phone and started making phone calls.

It only took three calls and one argument with Brian-he wanted to know why it was so important that this guy from work get special treatment, he did after all pull her away from the party-and Jane was sitting in an exam room getting his foot x-rayed by a portable x-ray machine.

"What am I going to do?" Jane asked after the technician left.

"Do about what?" Lisbon was sitting in a chair on the wall next to the bed looking at him.

"What if Sarah doesn't make it?" His voice was quiet, but she could hear the raw emotion behind it. She went over and sat on the bed with him, just as she had with Abby.

"I'm sure she's going to be fine, she's strong." She pulled him into a hug, just holding him.

"You weren't there, you didn't see her. She wasn't moving and I couldn't wake her up. There was blood everywhere." She could tell he was trying not to cry. "I-I don't know what I would do if…"

"Don't think about it Jane. Just don't think about it. She's still in surgery, I'm sure she and the baby will be fine."

"The baby, I almost forgot about the baby."

"I'm sure he's fine." She needed to get his mind off the worrying, it wasn't helping anything. "Have you settled on a name yet?"

"I still Like Patrick Junior, but Sarah thinks we should name him after her dad."

"What's his name?"

"Frank."

"Frank Jane? I'm not sure I like that."

"I know me either."

"You could do Patrick Frank Jane."

"Yeah, maybe not."

"What's her grandfather's name?"

"Arthur and Michel.

"Art? No, that doesn't quiet go with Jane. You have an infuriating last name, you know that right?"

He chuckled and settled more into her, enjoying her comforting warmth. The pain pills that the doctor had given him were starting to work and he wasn't in as much pain. "Hey, it was the name I was born with."

"What was your father's name?"

"Samuel."

"I think I still prefer Patrick Junior. Then you could call him P.J."

"P.J. I like that." The doctor walking in kept Lisbon from answering him.

"Well Mr. Jane, it looks like you've got a mild concision, a sprained ankle, and other bumps and burses. In short, it looks like you've survived a pretty nasty car accident."

"Thanks, but I knew that." Jane said with slight disdain, he hated hospitals.

"I'm going to give you a couple of prescriptions for pain, this one is a narcotic, don't take it if you plan on driving anywhere, and this one is a little more mild, no narcotic, but should help take the edge off. You'll need to follow up with your regular doctor if the pain doesn't go away or if your ankle gets worse, but other than that, you're good to go."

"Thanks, I've got to check on Abby and Sarah." He stood, wincing as he put weight on his injured foot.

"Take it easy for a few days Mr. Jane; I really don't want to see you back here."

"Don't worry; I don't want to come back." He slowly made his way to the elevator with Lisbon help and they went back up to the waiting room where he had been before.

When they stepped off the elevator the first thing they saw was the rest of the team, all sitting down. Jane walked towards them and smiled. Abby was curled into a ball on one of the chairs, her head resting on Rigsby's shoulder.

"She's sleeping." Jane whispered as he sat down.

"Yea, I read all the paper work Lisbon had from the doctor; they all said she needed to rest, so I didn't think it would be a problem." Grace had obviously been the one watching Abby, even if it was Rigsby who was acting as her pillow.

"Any news yet?" Asked Lisbon as she sat down next to Jane.

"No, not yet." Cho said from his seat in the corner.

Jane sighed; he had really thought there would be some news by now. The only thing that was for sure now was that it was going to be a long night.


	28. Dr Brown, MD

**Authors Note:** I'm sure we've already discussed the fact that I don't have an original thought in my head. That being said, this chapter was really hard for me to write. With the site being down this weekend you think I could have gotten this done and all the other fics I should be writing too, but no. I got stuck, so, while watching the season finally of In Plain Sight (Just got on that show, the look on Marshals' face when he found out Mary was engaged, that right there sealed the deal for me) and totally decided that the scene with the doctor was perfect. So, yea, I stole it and adapted it for my purposes. SO, if you watch IPS and haven't seen the finale, sorry.

**Disclaimer: **I'm not a doctor, nor do I own these characters.

**What if? Chapter 27-Dr. Brown M.D.**

Jane found himself dozing off, he didn't know how long he'd been sitting in the chair, waiting for someone to tell him what was going on. He wanted to make a stink; throw a fit and demand to know what was happening to Sarah. Lisbon was holding his hand, a comforting gesture that he found more distracting than comforting, and he was having a hard time deciding if that was a bad thing.

Just when he was thinking that he couldn't handle the waiting anymore the door to the elevator slid open and the last person Jane ever wanted to see again walked off. "What the hell is he doing here?" He grumbled into Lisbon's ear.

"Who?" She looked in the same direction that Jane was looking. "Oh. I don't know, don't do anything stupid ok?"

"No of course not." He dismissed as he stood up and hobbled to the center of the room to meet Eric. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I had a friend who was at your boss's party; he mentioned that she left very quickly and that you never showed up, it didn't take long to figure out what happened."

"Right, but why are you here?"

"I wanted to-I love her Patrick, no matter what, I've loved her for a while now, but, even if she's with you, I still care, I wanted to see how she was doing, offer my support."

"Yea, right."

"I know you hate me, but please, let me be here with you, for her. I'll leave as soon as we find out how she's doing."

"And the baby."

"Baby?"

"She's eight months pregnant."

"Congratulations. I'm sure _your_ baby will be fine."

Jane felt a hand on his arm and looked down to see Lisbon standing next to him. "Just come sit down Jane."

"Oh, I see you wouldn't have had any problem moving on," Eric sneered at him.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Just, just sit down Eric. I don't want to fight with you. We both care about Sarah and this isn't helping any."

Eric was about to respond when an older man in a blue scrubs with a face mask pulled down around his chin walked in.

"Are you the family of Sarah Jane?"

"Yes," Jane said turning to the man, "I'm her husband Patrick."

"I'm Dr. Brown, please, why don't we all sit down." The doctor pulled up a chair and gestured for the rest of them to sit down. Jane took the chair directly across from the doctor, but still with a clear view of Abby who was still resting against Rigsby's shoulder.

"How's she doing? How's the baby?" Now that the doctor was here he was even more impatient.

"Mr. Jane, your wife suffered massive internal injuries, head trauma, and blood loss due to the car accident. We had to perform an emergency c-section to save the baby's life. Luckily your son is stabilized. He's in the NICU right now; I understand that he's only about 4 weeks early at this point, so he should be fine. Your wife however," he took a breath and continued, "She was in full cardiac arrest when she arrived, but we were able to shock her heart back into a somewhat regular sinus rhythm and I clamped off all the bleeding that I can. But, before we can attempt any further surgery we have to get her blood volume up to an acceptable level and her heart stabilized before we'll be able to operate again.

"Right now, we just have to wait and see. I'm concerned about her head injury, if the swelling gets any worse, there's a chance that there might be irreversible damage."

"When can I see her?" Jane asked, trying to keep his voice from cracking.

"You can go in and see her one at a time," the doctor looked over at the young girl who had come to stand by her father, "or in groups of no more than two. If you'll follow me, I'll show you to her room."

The doctor stood and Jane followed, pulling Abby to him. She was alive at least, and so was the baby, that's all he could ask for.

**Authors Note: **Don't you hate 2 authors' notes? Anyway, so this story can go in one of 2 directions at this point, I'm sure you can all figure out what they are. What I don't know is which way it should go. I've really been struggling with this chapter. That's why it's so short. SO, let me know what you think about it. It's a simple question really.


	29. And Then We Wait

**Authors Note: **Yea, so even with all the opinions I still don't know what to do. It does seem an overwhelming number of people want Sarah to live. It also seems that the overwhelming opinion is that she shouldn't be with Jane (no real surprise there). So, without further ado, I'm off to postpone the inevitable. My kids are back from seeing their dad for the summer, and even though school starts Thursday, sadly updates aren't going to be as frequent as they have been the past week.

**Disclaimer: **I wonder if real authors have these many problems.

**What if? Chapter 28-And then we wait**

She was pail, a ventilator was breathing for her and there was a slow steady beeping that was her heart beat. There were tubes and wires everywhere. If Jane hadn't known who was supposed to be in that bed, he almost wouldn't recognize her. It was horrible. He found the tears that he'd been barely holding back start to spill over.

He looked down at Abby, his baby girl, more grown up than he'd ever wanted her to have to be, especially at this young age. He couldn't even imagine what she was going through. He reached out and grasped Sarah's hand in his. "Honey, I don't know if you can hear me, but, I just wanted you to know I love you. No matter what's happened in the past, or what might happen in the future, I love you. The baby's fine. I'm going to go see him now, just wait till you get to hold him."

He looked back down at Abby. He noticed for the first time that she had tears streaming down her checks, and that she wasn't trying to stop them. "Mom, I love you." She sobbed slightly. "Please, please don't die." She turned around buried her face in her father's chest. "Dad, what if something happens to her?"

"I don't know sweetie, I don't know."

*************************************************************************************

Eric waited in the hall until Jane and Abby had left the room. He gave Jane a head nod as they walked by. "She'll be fine." Jane whispered to him as they walked past. Eric wasn't sure who he was trying to convince, him or himself.

"Sarah, my love." Eric said as he saw her, lying there, not breathing under her own power. "Oh, how I wish things had ended up different. I heard about the baby. Congratulations. I never thought you wanted more. I know Patrick always enjoyed being a father. I miss you. I really do. Oh how I wish things could have ended up differently. But worrying about that now isn't going to change anything. I promise, if you make it out of here, I'll make sure things work out the way they're supposed to."

Eric stood by her bed, holding her hand until a nurse told him that he needed to leave. Eric took one last look at the woman he love and walked slowly out the door.

*************************************************************************************

Jane stood in front of the window to the NICU. Abby had gone back to sit with the rest of his, well, they were certainly more than co-workers. Co-workers didn't drop everything to come and wait with you at the hospital while a woman who didn't like them was waiting to be stable enough to be operated on. They were more than that, they were his friends. He looked through the glass at his son, _his son_, in the incubator. He was small, smaller than the doctors would have liked, and his lungs were still a little under developed. But, for everything he'd been through he was doing wonderful.

The baby was wrinkled and pink and he had more hair than most full grown men. Even from where Jane stood he could tell that the hair was just as curly as his and Abby's. He was so tiny and frail. It was hard to believe that just a few hours earlier the baby had been safely inside Sarah.

Sarah. He needed to go back to the waiting room and see if there was any news on Sarah. He walked slowly through the long corridors to the elevator and then back to the floor where Sarah was. The waiting room was much emptier than it had been the last time he had been in there.

"I sent them home." Lisbon said in answer to his unasked question. "There need to be a few people actually alert enough to fight crime tomorrow."

"Where's Abby?" He asked sitting down next to her.

"Bathroom." She didn't say anything else, just waited got him to say something.

"What am I going to do?"

"You're a strong person, and a wonderful father. It will all work out for the best."

"I'm worried about Abby."

"She's an amazingly resilient young woman, she'll be fine."

"I just, I guess, I keep thinking of her as a little girl, but she'd not anymore is she?"

"No, she's almost 13."

"What if Sarah doesn't make it?"

"Stop talking like that. Of course Sarah's going to make it."

They sat in silence for just a moment longer. Abby came back into the room and sat on the other side of Jane, taking his hand.

"How's my brother?"

"He's doing good, he looks like your mom."

"Really?"

"Yea."

They sat in silence, no one really knowing what to say, all of them knowing that nothing would help them right now. It wasn't long before Dr. Brow came back in to see them.

"Mr. Jane, I'm glad to see you're here. We just checked on your wife. She's doing remarkably well, she's doing well enough that we're going to be able to resume surgery on her and fix the rest of her internal injuries. Her head injury doesn't appear any worse, so we shouldn't have to worry about that."

"That's good right? That you can continue surgery?"

"Yes, we are cautiously optimistic."

Jane nodded and watched as the doctor walked back through the doors. Was it possible, Sarah was going to be ok? He almost couldn't dare to hope.

*************************************************************************************

It was late; or rather, very, very early. Jane thought that if he were to go outside right now it would probably be just before sunrise. That time when it was the coldest and darkest. He didn't know how long he had been sleeping, but knew that falling asleep in the uncomfortable chair at the hospital hadn't been one of the smartest things he had ever done. He was stiff and sore in was he hadn't been since college when he would fall asleep in strange houses on old smelly sofas. He stretched, working out a crick in his back; and looked down at his watch, 5:24.

He sat up straighter and looked around. Abby had pulled two chairs close together and had managed to lie down slightly to get more comfortable than he had. Still sitting in the chair next to him was Lisbon. She'd stayed with him the whole night. He nudged her slightly to wake her up.

"Hey sleepy head, you should probably get going, don't you have to work today?"

Lisbon started awake and stretched. "What time is it?"

"About 5:30." He whispered; he didn't want to wake Abby.

"No news on how the surgery went yet?"

"No, but you should probably head home and shower so you can get to work. Thanks for staying with us last night."

"Are you sure you'll be ok? I can wait."

"No, we'll be ok. I'll let you know as soon as we find out anything." They both stood and walked to the elevator.

Just before stepping in Lisbon turned around and hugged him. "I'm here if you need anything, don't forget that, ok?" He nodded and walked back to the waiting room. It was 7:00 before Dr. Brown came out to talk to him.

Glancing over to see Abby still sleeping Dr. Brown came up to him quietly. "Well Mr. Jane, it looks like the surgery was successful. She's going strong. Her head injury seems to be doing well, as well as her internal injuries. I'm still cautiously optimistic, but she looks like she's going to pull through."

Jane smiled, this was the best news he'd heard all day, wasn't it?


	30. Meet Patrick Jane

**Authors Note: **There might be a little OOCness in this chapter. I apologize in advance. not betaed, let me know if you see any painful mistakes.

**Disclaimer: **Let's just review for a few minutes-I'm not a doctor, I don't own this show, I don't own these characters, and oh, right, I am NOT a doctor. Poetic license taken. If anyone has major problems with how this works out, let me know, I'll see what I can do.

**What if? Chapter 29-Meet Patrick Jane**

It had been a week since that fateful night. A week since his world had been turned upside down. A week since Sarah had survived surgery. A week since his son had been delivered. Off and on for the past week Sarah had been slipping in and out of consciousness. The doctors told him this was perfectly normal. He tried to convince himself of this, she was going to make it, she had too; he didn't think he could do it alone.

But he wasn't with her right now. Right now he was down in the nursery visiting his son. He was coming home today. Jane had spent a good deal of time yesterday making last minute purchases of baby supplies. He and Sarah had the nursery set up since the baby shower, so he didn't have to worry about the furniture and all of that. But, the baby was still so small and all of the clothes and diapers that they had bought for him weren't going to fit.

He had managed to charm the nurses into bringing the baby into his wife's room before checking him out. He knew he needed to get him home, but he could sleep just as easy in his car seat at the hospital as he could at home. Abby wasn't due out of school for another hour, but Lisbon had agreed to pick her up for him today and bring her to the hospital. As much as Abby had wanted to spend all the time with her mom as possible, Jane knew that when Sarah woke up she'd be pissed as hell if she found out Abby had been skipping school.

Jane slowly entered the hospital room. He wished, and not for the first time, that Sarah would wake up. The baby still didn't have a name. They had never agreed on one. He didn't want to give the baby a name only to have Sarah mad at him latter. He knew the nurses would be along with the baby soon and he wanted to talk to her in private before they came.

"Hi sweet heart. The baby's coming home today. He's doing remarkably well. You should see him; he looks just like you, other than the hair. He definitely has my hair. He still doesn't have a name. I wanted to wait to see what you thought about it first. I know you wanted to name him after your dad, but, well, I still like Patrick. Call it the caveman in me, but I like the thought of having someone carrying on my name.

"I know, it's silly, but that's what it is. Maybe we can use your father's name as a middle name. Patrick Frank Jane. We could call him P.J., you know, Patrick Junior."

"I like it." Said a horse voice from above him

Jane looked up from where he'd been holding and looking at Sarah's hand to see her looking at him.

"Sarah, oh, Sarah. You're awake, do you need anything? Water, pain medication, the doctor?" He was trying to contain his excitement. This is what he'd been waiting for for the past week.

"Water." She managed to scratch out again and Jane nodded, leaving the room quickly to find a nurse and let them know that Sarah was awake and talking and that he needed water for her.

Ten minutes later Sarah was sitting upright in bed. The doctor had come into look at her, and other than saying that she was going to need to stay in the hospital for at least another week; Jane didn't really hear what was being said. Jane was pretty sure that the doctor was telling her what all had happened to them, but he wasn't paying attention. All that mattered was that Sarah was awake and that she was going to be ok.

It was just after Dr. Brown left that one of the neonatal nurses brought in little P.J. and the final paper work that needed to be filled out.

"Good afternoon Mr. Jane, oh and Mrs. Jane, I see you're doing better. Are you ready to see your little bundle of joy?"

"He's doing ok?"

"He's doing great." The nurse said wheeling in the portable bassinet that the hospital used to transport newborns.

"Oh, is that him? Patrick he's so gorgeous." Sarah looked over the side of the bassinet as it was wheeled to her bed side.

"I'll just leave the paper work here for you to fill out. There are a few papers you need to sign for the birth certificate and the social security number. I'll be back to get them in a little bit."

Jane nodded and kept watching his wife and son. "Do you want to hold him?" Jane asked Sarah with a slight smile.

"Oh, yes, please. He's so tiny."

"He's gotten so much bigger too in the past week." He picked P.J. up from the bassinet and handed him to Sarah.

"Hi there baby. Oh, you're so tiny. Oh, I love you." Sarah held him close to her chest. It was hard for her to think that they had all been in a car accident and that she had almost died a week before. And now, here was her perfect little bundle of joy. True, she hadn't actually wanted another child, but she was going to try to be the best mother that she could he to him.

"Abby should be here soon. Lisbon is picking her up from school and bringing her here to see you. She's going to be so happy."

"How is Abby?" Sarah asked still cuddling P.J. in her arms.

"She had five stitches in her forehead, she got them out yesterday. The doctor said that the scar shouldn't be noticeable in a few months. And her broken arm is doing fine. It's healing just like it should."

"She broke her arm?"

"Yea, but she's ok."

Jane sat on the bed next to Sarah and stroked P.J.'s head. "We were all very lucky. I'm so glad you seem to be doing better." He leaned over and gave her a kiss on the forehead as the door to the hospital room opened.

"MOM!" Abby squealed. "Mom, you're awake. You're holding the baby. Are you ok?"

"Oh honey, I'm fine. A little tired, but otherwise fine." Abby rushed over and gave her mom an awkward hug. "How's your arm?"

"Oh, it's fine. It doesn't really hurt anymore and it's not like it's my right arm, so it's more of annoying than anything." She looked at Jane and smiled. "Teresa said to tell you she was coming up, she's got a question for you about a case she's working on."

"Oh, she's still here? I wonder…" He picked up his phone and hit one of his speed dial numbers. "Lisbon! Yea, she's doing great, better than great in fact…Yea, hey; do you have your camera in your truck? Yea, can you bring it up…I'm sure it will be fine…Thanks."

"You are not taking my picture the way I look." Sarah said in defiance, handing P.J. back to Jane to hold and started to run her fingers through her hair.

"You've never looked more beautiful to me than you do right now."

"Liar." A voice said from the doorway. "Sarah I'm so glad you're awake. I'm guessing that Jane wanted to get some pictures of all of you. Here Jane, hold the camera, I'll see if I can help Sarah with her hair for a minute."

"Ok." He said; a little startled at the way Lisbon was acting. What was up with her? He didn't think that she would be this…_happy_ about Sarah being out of the coma. Sarah had always been less than civil with the people that he worked with. And all of them, Lisbon especially, had been very supportive. It wasn't that he minded in the least, he just never realized how much the team cared about him, or how much he cared about them.

"Ok, I think that'll do." Lisbon had pulled Sarah's hair back into a tight pony tail in an attempt to disguise the fact that it had been over a week since her hair had been washed. Jane noticed that it looked like Sarah now had on the most basic of makeup. She didn't look nearly as tired as she had and actually looked as if she were read to take pictures.

"Wow, that was…how did you, you know what. I'm not going to say anything." Jane just smiled. The woman in his life never ceased to amaze him.

"Alright," Lisbon said as she took the camera from Jane. "Let's get this show on the road."

She took pictures of all of them together, they all looked very happy. Lisbon was even able to get pictures of Sarah and the baby alone together. "Did you settle on a name?"

"Patrick Frank Jane." Sarah said, handing the baby back to Jane. "P.J. for short."

"I like it." Lisbon said, looking at the baby who was cradled in Jane's arms. "You guys have a nice evening. Jane, when you get a chance I've got some things I want you to look at for a case we're working."

"Ok, I'll give you call later tonight after I get P.J. here settled."

"Works for me. I hope you get out of here soon Sarah." Lisbon said smiling as she left.

Jane stayed for just a few minutes longer. Sarah was getting tired and needed to rest. "I love you Sarah, I'm glad you're finally awake." He gave her a soft kiss on her lips and picked the baby up with all of the papers and other things that he was coming home with.

"I love you mom," Abby said, also giving her a kiss, "I'll come see you tomorrow when I get out of school."

"I love you both so much. I'll see you tomorrow." Sarah watched as they left before sliding down her bent and closing her eyes. She really was very lucky to be alive, or at least, that's what everyone kept telling her. She was just glad that she had got to meet her son before he had gone home from the hospital.

**Authors Note: **And in case anyone was wondering, yes, it is important to spell P.J. with the periods. I know, I'm a little OCD about things like that, but, what can I say, it's my story.


	31. I'm Sorry

**Authors Note: **Just a reminder to all those out there who've asked, you just have to trust me. Thanks to everyone who's been kind enough to read and review. Serious, I get a good deal on my ideas from my reviews and review replys. I may not always remember to thank the people who give me the idea, but, I really do appreciate it. Not betaed, so let me know if you see any horrible mistakes.

**Disclaimer: **I can't think of anything witty to say, so, yea, I don't own them. Never have, never will.

**What If? Chapter 30-I'm Sorry**

Lisbon was sitting at her desk. She really should be home by now, but she didn't want to go. Brian was still fuming about her leaving the party early last week. He just didn't understand. Sometimes she wondered if she was making a mistake by marring him. She sighed and looked down at the papers on her desk. They were working a cold case right now, one that was apparently near and dear to the governor, nothing that they couldn't solve on their own given enough time; and goodness know with a cold case there is always enough time; but still, Jane's amazing powers of observation could prove invaluable to them.

The case was an odd one. The killer sent letters to the victims' families after they were killed. The victims were all teenage female runaways. Their families didn't even know that they were dead until they got the letters saying that the killer was sorry and where the body was buried. It was possible that there were more than the 10 victims that they knew about. The other odd thing was the time between cases. Ten deaths spread over the past fifteen years. There wasn't an apparent pattern to the deaths. No two cities were the same, no two times of the year, nothing. The only thing that was the same was that the victims were runaways. But, even that was odd.

You would think that the runaway's would all be prostitutes or druggies, but these weren't. True, there were a few that had been prostitutes, but there were also those who had been working at regular jobs, who had graduated from high school, who weren't living on the street, they just didn't live with their parents anymore. She couldn't figure out what the connection was.

She sighed and threw the papers back on to her desk. It was late, she was tired, it was a cold case, it wasn't going anywhere. She really needed to go home. It was past time for her to make up with Brian anyway. He really did mean well, even if he didn't always understand why she did the things she did. She was placing some files in her bag to bring home with her when she heard a gentle knock at the door.

"Hi, Honey." A soft voice said from the doorway.

"Brian? What are you doing here?" To say she was surprised would be an understatement.

"Can't a man visit his fiancé at work?"

"No, I mean, of course you can visit me at work, but you've never done it before."

"I know. I just, I wanted to say I was sorry for the way I acted the other night. I know that you spend a lot of time with the people you work with and that you care about them. I just, I wanted to say I know I over reacted and I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted for now, but we still need to talk about it." She picked her bag up from where she had placed it on her desk. "Now what are you going to do to make it up to me?"

"I was thinking dinner and desert at your favorite Chinese restaurant."

"Sounds good." They walked out of the office hand in hand and split in the parking lot to take their respective cars to the restaurant. Once in her car she started shaking her head. What was she doing? Not ten minutes ago she was cursing him and thinking that they just weren't meant to be together. But then he shows up at her office, apologizes and she's all too eager to forgive him. What was wrong with her? They really did need to have a talk.

She followed him to the restaurant and found a spot to park next to him in the lot around the side of the building. It was just a small restaurant, dark and intimate. They had gone there on their first date. She had picked this restaurant because she knew she could go there straight from work and not have to change.

She waited until they were at the table before she began to talk. "Do you remember when we first met?"

"At the hospital, you were there because one of your co workers hurt themselves on the job."

"Right. Van Pelt tripped over a rock while perusing a suspect and fell on her wrist. She didn't break it, but it was sprained and she couldn't use it for a few weeks."

"Right, the red head. I remember that. Why?"

"I wasn't at the hospital just because I'm her boss. I was there because I'm her friend. Her family all lives out of state, Iowa, she works long hours, really; we're almost like a family. Sometimes, we're all that each other have."

Bran looked at her; he could guess why she was bringing this up. "But you have a family. You have your brothers, and Patrick is married."

"I know. But, we can spend 60 hours a week with each other when we're working cases. You get really close to people in that amount of time. When something happens to one of us, we just go in support." She paused in her conversation as they ordered. "It's like; remember when your brother was in that skiing accident this winter?"

"Yea and I dropped everything, even though we had planned to spend a romantic weekend together so I could go be with him at the hospital. I think I understand."

"I know it's hard, but, sometimes I need to be with my friends. They would be there for me if anything were to ever happen."

"You know I love you right?"

"I know, I love you too."

They smiled at each other as the waitress brought their meals. The conversation was light during their dinner; they exchanged office gossip, even though they really didn't know each other's coworkers. It was still fun to talk about and see that the gossip was remarkably the same. In fact, if you had taken out the names and places it probably could have been any place of work in any town in any state anywhere.

"Oh goodie, fortune cookie time." Brian said rubbing his hands together as the waiter brought the check with two cookies.

"This is so not Chinese." Lisbon said rolling her eyes and picking up a cookie.

"Trust, but, it's traditional after eating Chinese in an American restaurant." He cracked his cookie open and pulled out the fortune to read it. "_Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today_."

"Are you kidding?"

"No, here look, that's what it says." He held out the fortune for her to look at.

"_Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today_. Ok, that's just off the wall."

"No kidding. What does you're say?"

Lisbon cracked her cookie open and pulled out the small slip of paper. "_Someone can read your mind_. Well, that's not much of a fortune."

"At least mine was funny. Did it tell you who was supposed to be able to read your mind?"

"No," She was about to say that she already knew who could read her mind but thought better of it. "So, are you coming over tonight?"

"Of course. You know, it would really save a lot of hassle if you just moved in with me." Brian said as they walked towards their cars.

"I still have a year and a half left on my lease. I'd have to see if I could get out of it."

"Well, still, it's something to think about."

The parted ways at their cars, agreeing to meet back at Lisbon's apartment to continue their night of making up. She found herself sighing again as she got into her car. She was going to be marring this man, she really should move in with him, but, she just valued her solitude to much to give it up. She just didn't know if she could handle living with him. She just didn't know.

**Authors Note: **I wish I could take credit for the fortunes, but I can't. Here's the website I got them from, just take out the spaces after the dots http://weirdfortunecookies. com/


	32. What Are You Doing Here?

**Authors Note: **I want to know why it's my fault that my brother (20) has been drinking and my sister (17) has gone emo. I can't control their actions. It's a lot like writing fan fic. The characters just do what they want; I just put it down on paper (so to speak). My laptop had been sporadically just shutting off on me for no apparent reason; this is sadly the third time I've written this, because I keep forgetting to save. And the last time I was almost done too. Stupid computers. This chapter is dedicated to Innoxa23 who wanted a little more action, enjoy :) So without further ado, here it is, in all its third time's the charm glory.

**Disclaimer: **My daughter just got into the craft paint. She should be sleeping but that is beyond the point. What I'm trying to say is that, I don't think that anyone who owns the rights to anything related to this show has to worry about clearing the right color of white paint with the landlord before the paint over the lovely art work that the kids do on the wall.

**What if? Chapter 31-What Are You Doing Here?**

Jane was tired, exhausted really. He hadn't been sleeping well this past week. He'd spent as much time as possible at the hospital with Sarah and the baby, and when he wasn't there, he was at home worrying about them. But now, now it looked like all the worrying was for naught. Sarah was awake; she was going to be fine, P.J.-he smiled as he thought of his name on a tiny baby, _his_ tiny baby-was home from the hospital.

He just couldn't get over the baby. Sure he'd already been through the whole new parent thing with Abby, but, he never actually thought he'd be able to go through it again. He was still in a little bit of shock.

Abby was up in her room doing homework, he was tempted to go check on her again, but had to remind himself that he had just check in on her when he laid P.J. down. She was after all almost a teenager as she liked to remind him of. He didn't know what he was going to do about that. He didn't know how the parents on TV with 8, 12, 18 kids handled it all. They must go crazy. Here he was with a pre-teen that was practically self sufficient and tiny baby that didn't need much more than food and a clean diaper and he was stressing out. He couldn't wait until Sarah was well enough to come home. Sure she would need extra care for a while, but at least he would be able to have her there for moral support.

Jane wandered around the house aimlessly, not sure what he was going to do. He knew he should probably call Lisbon, she needed his help with a case, but, he just wanted to take the time to relax for a little bit before going to work. It was like all of the adrenalin that had been driving him for the past week and suddenly left and he was exhausted.

He made himself a cup of tea-boiling water, cream added first, no sweetener- and wandered into the TV room to see if there was anything good on. He didn't usually watch TV, but tonight he wanted to be able to do something that would just be mind numbing. He didn't want to have to think or figure out anything. He flipped lazily through the channels until he settled on the National Geographic Channel and a documentary on the big cats of the African grass lands.

He was watching a cheat chase down a wildebeest. The narrator was describing the way that the female chased down her 'terrified pray' when he heard a noise behind him. Turning his head from the seat on the couch to see the last person he would have expected.

"Lisbon! What are you doing here? How did you get in?" To say he was surprised would have been an understatement.

"I knocked, but you didn't answer; the lights were on, so I decided to come find you." She walked over to the couch and sat down next to him closer than she should have really with the rings that were on both of their fingers.

"I was going to call you in just a little bit, but, I just wanted to take a minute to relax." He was nervous in her presence; he always was, especially when she sat close to him. He couldn't help remembering the day he found out Sarah was pregnant, and wondered at how things might have been different.

"I'm not here because of the case. It's a cold case anyway; it doesn't matter if you can't look at it for a few days."

"Then why are you here?"

"Patrick, I've been thinking and I just can't take it anymore. I know there's something between us and I just can't stand not acting on it. I just wanted to, well…" She trailed off as she pressed her lips to his.

Almost immediately two different parts of his brain reacted. The more primal part o his brain, the part that was connected to his inner caveman and the devil on his shoulder, was telling him to just let go, that this was what he wanted. It told him to kiss her back, and he found himself nibbling at her lower lip until she opened her mouth and he was able to thrust his tongue into her.

The other part of his brain was screaming at him to stop. He was married, Lisbon was engaged. His children were upstairs, his almost teenage daughter and newborn baby son. And his wife was in the hospital.

The devil didn't give much time for the relational faithful part of his brain to conduct an argument. Right now it was telling him to focus on the fact that Lisbon was running his hands down his chest and slowly unbuttoning his shirt. And besides, wasn't it just under eight months ago that he was planning on telling Sarah that he was in love with the amazingly beautiful woman in his arms?

Jane stopped listening to either voice for a minute and allowed his hands to roam over Lisbon's back to her waist. He let one hand drift lower; barely skimming over her ass and the other one pulled her shirt out of the waist of her pants and then made its way under it. He stopped all thinking at that point; the feel of her warm soft skin under his hands was mesmerizing. He knew it was wrong, but she was there, leaning on him, and her skin was so soft and warm and her mouth warm and inviting

He was drawn back to her hands now on his bare skin, barely touching him and driving him crazy. He drew his hand that was on her back between them to stroke along her stomach and up over her ribs. He let his hand rest just below her breast, kissing her deeply once more before allowing his hand to reach its target.

It was her moan as he cupped her breast gently and ran a thumb across her hardening nipple that caused his mind to focus on the matter at hand.

"Lisbon, Teresa, we have to stop, this isn't right, you're engaged to Brian."

"He's not right for me, he never was. That whole relationship isn't going anywhere. This right now is what matters, this is what's important." As she spoke she trailed kisses down his jaw to the sensitive spot just behind his ear and then down to nibble on his pulse point. She was making it very hard for him to remember why he wanted to stop at all.

"Sarah," yes that was right, "Sarah is still in the hospital, she's going to need help. I can't-"

"It's ok Honey." Jane jumped; standing in the doorway was Sarah. Lisbon didn't seem to notice and continued kissing along her neck and chest. "I understand. I've felt the same way you do right now. We love each other, but, we're just holding each other back. We aren't happy."

He pulled away from Lisbon slightly, only managing to fall backwards on the sofa so that he was lying down on his back, he tried to scramble up, but Lisbon was crawling up his prone body. "But, you're still in the hospital, you're still hurt, you shouldn't be here."

He looked at her closely; she looked different than when he'd seen her at the hospital. She looked rested, younger even. She looked like she had when they had met twenty years before. He was confused now.

"Don't worry Patrick, I love you, I always have. It's ok to let me go." Sarah was just standing there looking at him with a sad, but pleasant look on her face.

"Wait, I don't understand." He was confused, she'd walked in, and who knew how that had happened, on him and Lisbon making out like teenagers and she wasn't upset, she was just going to let him go? He started shaking his head, this wasn't right, there's no way this could be happening.

He closed his eyes; he couldn't look at either of the woman in the room right now. He kept shaking his head. He thought he heard Abby calling to him, she kept getting louder. Suddenly it wasn't just his head that was shaking, but his whole body. His eyes flew open.

He was lying on the sofa, Abby standing over him shaking his shoulder. "Dad, Dad, wake up, you're phone's been ringing, I would have answered it, but I didn't recognize the number."

Abby handed him the phone that was now registering a missed call and a voice mail. He sat up slowly. It had been a dream. He'd never had such a vivid dream before. Him with Lisbon and then Sarah showing up…His phone started ringing again and he answered.

"_Mr. Jane?" _The voice on the other end of the line asked.

"Yes, this is he."

"_Mr. Jane, this is Dr. Brown, we need you to come down to the hospital, some things happened with Sarah, it is very important."_

Jane felt his heart stop. This could not be happening.


	33. Yoga and Dreams

**Authors Note: **You'd have thought I'd have learned my lesson the last time I had to rewrite a chapter three times because my laptop has started randomly shutting down, but no. So, this took forever to write because I was literally almost done when I had to start all over again. So, it took 8 chapters, but here it is, it really wont be much of a surprise to most of you I'm sure.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own this show. I'm not a doctor. The last time I was a teenager was almost 7 years ago. And the last time I was around a one week old baby was over two and a half years ago.

**What If? Chapter 32-Yoga and Dreams**

Abby was sitting at her desk in her bed room trying to concentrate on her homework. It wasn't easy though. Her mind kept wandering. She remembered when she was a little girl and had wanted a baby brother or sister so bad. It seemed to her that all of her friends had at least one sibling, either older or younger, they had someone. As she'd gotten older she'd been the envy of her friends whose little brothers broke all their stuff and who had little sisters would steal their clothes.

Now though, all of her friends were jealous of the baby in her house. At first Abby hadn't known if she was happy about the baby or not. She had felt a sense of foreboding when her dad had told her about the baby. Her mom didn't seem too happy about it, but her dad was so excited, it was hard not to share in the excitement.

Still, now that the baby was here she didn't feel any more at ease. Everything should have been perfect. Her mom should have been downstairs with her dad right now, smiling and making goofy faces at P.J.. She should be sitting there acting embarrassed at the way they were using baby talk.

Sarah wasn't supposed to be in the hospital, P.J. wasn't supposed to have spent _any_ time in the special ICU for baby's. He shouldn't have even been born for another month. But here he was, in the house, just down the hall from her. Abby had heard her dad laying him down just a little bit ago. She knew that her dad was tired. He'd been spending all his spare time at the hospital. He'd come home to shower and change and sleep, but she knew that if it hadn't been for her he probably would have slept at the hospital too.

Abby looked back down at her book. Algebra. She just couldn't concentrate on it. How could she think about _math_ when her mom was still in the hospital? She knew that Sarah had woken up this afternoon, she'd seemed fine, but, Abby was still worried. She kept thinking of how tired Sarah had looked, how she had dark rings under her eyes. How she'd seemed just too happy to see her and P.J.

She knew it wasn't really fair to say, but she did feel just a little out of place when her mom was around. She'd always gotten along better with her dad. She'd try with her mom, spend time with her and all, but she always felt like she was asking a big favor.

Abby sighed and threw her pencil at her book. Maybe the near brush with death had changed her mom; she had seemed more pleasant today. She didn't get snarky at Teresa when she came in the room and she even let Teresa get her ready to take pictures. It was almost surreal.

Abby decided she needed to take a break from 'studying' and stood up. Her dad was always teaching her tips and techniques for how to do his job at the CBI; not that she was anywhere near as good as him. One of the things he was always stressing was the ability to be calm and in control of your emotions and to only show weakness when it suited you.

When she had been younger they had practiced every day. It was simple really, just meditation, only she hadn't known it at the time. One of the units they had done in P.E. last year had been yoga. She had been surprised to learn that the meditation that her dad had taught her all those years ago was really quite well known. She was the only person in the class who had ever actually understood the point. It was her favorite class.

Abby settled on to the floor by her bed, crossed her legs, and straightened her back. Taking deep breaths she closed her eyes and attempted to clear her mind. She concentrated on breathing in through her nose, out through her mouth, until she had regulated her breathing to a point where she could simply breathe in and out through her nose. She was just reaching that calming center where there was nothing, just calm and relaxation, when she heard a voice calling to her. It was a familiar voice.

Abby's eyes flew open. "Mom?" She called quietly. There was of course no way that she could have heard her, but it was like she had been standing in the room with her. She shook her head slightly and strained to see if she could hear anything else. She heard what sounded like a squawk coming from P.J.'s bed room. Abby stood up to investigate.

She had never really been around baby's growing up. Sure she'd see the occasional baby while going through the store, but had never really been around any. Her friend's siblings were all too close to them in age for her to have known any of them when they were P.J.'s age.

She quietly slipped into the room, turning on the soft light that was on the dresser by the door to investigate. She looked over at the crib and saw the baby lying on his back with his eyes open. His head was turned towards the door and it seemed as if he were looking at Abby.

"Hi P.J.," she said walking towards the crib and kneeling down so she was at eye level with him. "I'm Abby, your big sister." She reached through the crib to stroke his head and took a deep breath that she immediately regretted. "Oh, gross, you stink."

She stood again and went in search of her dad. There was no way she was changing his diaper, it was too gross. She walked towards her dad's bedroom, hearing his cell phone ringing and figured he was lying down. She knocked and opened his door, but he wasn't there, she picked up his phone, thinking that it was probably Teresa calling but a quick look at the display reveled a number that she didn't recognize, so she grabbed the phone that had just stopped ringing and headed down stairs.

It didn't take long for her to find him sprawled on the sofa in the TV room sleeping. Holding his cell phone in one hand she shook his shoulder gently to wake him up. "Dad, Dad, wake up, you're phone's been ringing, I would have answered it, but I didn't recognize the number."

She handed him his phone as he sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes. The phone started ringing as Abby kept talking to him. "Dad, P.J. smells, I think he needs a new diaper. Do you want me to bring him down here?"

She waited while he talked quietly into the phone, watching the expression on his face sink. "What's wrong?" She was worried, maybe hearing her mom's voice had been a sign of something bad.

Jane hung up the phone and looked at Abby. "We need to go back to the hospital. Something's happened with your mom."

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It didn't take them long to get to the hospital, after changing P.J. and breaking several traffic laws they were there, asking for Dr. Brown and being shown into his private office. Abby couldn't help thinking that this wasn't good, nothing good could be happening right now.

Dr. Brown came in moment later and sat in a chair across from them. Abby didn't hear most of what was said, she recognized some of the medical terms from the medical dramas she and her friends liked to watch, words like 'blood clot' and 'pulmonary embolism' and 'cardiac arrest' were all just words. She didn't know what they all meant when they were together. She tried to focus on her breathing as she had been earlier that night in an attempt to figure out what the doctor was saying.

"Before we could figure out what was going on it was too late. I'm sorry."

Too late? Too late for what? She looked over at her dad who had tears streaming down his face and she knew.


	34. I Loved Her Too

**Authors Note:** This chapter is influenced by two things, my sister in law sending a mass text out at midnight that made it sound as if she was going to commit suicide and then by brother not answering the phone (she's alive, but needs her medication adjusted). Oh, and the second thing is a good thing. This chapter is dedicated to Eve215, enjoy the hot Viking vampire my friend. Oh, and school starts for me on Monday, I'm only taking 15 credits, but, still there's the possibility that it could effect my updating ability.

**Disclaimer: **No witty disclaimer today, just a simple I don't own them. You can try to sue me, but the only money I have right now is extra student loan money, and that I have to pay back.

**What If? Chapter 32-I Loved Her Too**

Wayne Rigsby hated funerals. He had to wear an actual suit, a black one to boot, and his black suit was wool that made him itch. He hated having to morn, it was depressing. It was even worse when it wasn't someone he really knew, then he was depressed and didn't even have the benefit of a good cry, not that he would ever cry, being the big strong man that he was.

But he was there anyway, for moral support. He'd thought that everything with Jane was going to be fine. He remembered the night a week ago when Lisbon had come back from the hospital and told them that Sarah had woken up that afternoon. Really he thought that they wouldn't have to worry about her anymore. He'd never liked her anyway, and having to care for Jane's sake was starting to wear on him. He looked at the red head standing next to him and took her hand; this was going to be a long hot day.

*************************************************************************************

Grace Van Pelt was not a cruel person. Far from it. She prided herself on being kind and loving of all people. That was until she moved from her small Iowa town to Sacramento California and joined the Serious Crime Unit. Since then she had meet two people who just made her want to hit them.

One of them was Brian, Lisbon's fiancé. Her distaste for him had come almost the second she had met. He'd hit on her; and not very subtly; by asking her straight out if she wanted to have sex with him. If that wasn't enough of a turn off, to find out just seconds later that he was engaged to her boss…well, that pretty much sealed it.

The second person she couldn't stand was currently being laid to rest. She'd never thought Sarah would be the first to go in her marriage. Honestly, she always pegged her as the type who would kill of her husband in order to keep all his money. When she heard that they were trying to solve whatever problem they had in their relationship she had been very surprised. She had never figured out exactly what the problems had been but she figured that it had something to do with the large blond man standing opposite of Jane and just out of his line of sight.

She felt a slight pressure on her hand and looked up to see Rigsby next to her, grasping her hand. She smiled slightly and then quickly wiped it off her face. This was a funeral, but it was still nice to be standing next to someone she cared so much about.

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Kimball Cho stared at the preacher at the top of the grave. He hated funerals. He knew he wasn't the only one, but he was here for Jane. He'd never really known Sarah, at least not well enough to form more than a basic opinion of her.

She was stuck up, stubborn, spoiled and in every way how he had come to expect rich people to act. He was sad that she was gone. No one should have to die so young, especially with a family. He felt sorry for Jane and Abby. Less so for P.J., he was just a baby after all. He wouldn't feel the sting of missing his mother until he was old enough to know she wasn't there.

Cho looked over that the family in question. They really did look like they were in morning. They were all wearing black, even the baby. Cho didn't even know you could get pure black outfits for a baby that size. That was probably why he hadn't been the one to get it for him.

He turned his attention back to the preacher and heard him talk about how loving Sarah had been and how she was going to be missed. He let his attention wander again as he looked around again, noticing Lisbon standing next to Jane and hid a smile. At least Jane had a strong support system, and maybe she could even help Abby through what was surely going to be a very hard time in her life.

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Teresa Lisbon didn't mind funerals. Some might think that because of the all the death she had early on in her life that she wouldn't like them, but she recognized them for what they were, thinly veiled attempts to hang onto loved ones for just one minute longer.

She couldn't imagine what Jane was going through. To lose someone you had spent 15 years of your life being devoted to, it was hard to fathom. She did however know what Abby was going thought, or at least she understood her situation. She'd been about Abby's age when her mom had died. It had been like her world had been turned upside down. She'd thrown herself into her school work as a means of escape. She'd spent all of her time that wasn't spent caring for her brothers studying so that she could get into the best college possible.

She looked at the family that was standing next to her and felt a sharp pain in her chest. She would never wish the death of a loved one on anyone, even her worst enemy. She thought back to that night a week ago when she'd gotten a phone call from Jane just as she was getting home. He sounded so heartbroken. She hadn't known what to do. Since then she'd probably spent more time at his house than at her own.

Brian hadn't been thrilled with that arrangement, her helping Jane out, but she'd explained it to him and she thought that now he understood. After all, Jane was a good friend, his wife was dead and he had a new baby and a teenager, she was just helping out.

*************************************************************************************

The service was short and to the point, Jane spoke about what a loving wife and mother Sarah had been and how much she would be missed. One of her friends who was on most of the same comities as Sarah spoke about all of the charity work that she had done and what an example she had been to the rest of the community.

It was only after the priest said the last prayer over the grave and people started to leave that Jane realized the one person he thought he'd never have to see again was standing in front of him, waiting to offer his condolences.

Jane put P.J. in his car seat that had been waiting off to the side for the whole service and asked Abby to put him in the car before facing the tall muscular blond man in front of him.

"What are you doing here Eric?" Jane asked in a forced whisper.

"I came to offer my last respects to the only woman I've ever loved."

"She was _my_ wife. She had picked me to stay with. You have no right to be here."

"Oh really? Where were you when she died?"

"I was at home with our children."

"I know. I was at the hospital; I was there while you were off dinking around. You should have been at your side."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I was there when she went into cardiac arrest. I was there when they were trying to save her. And you weren't."

Jane just stood there staring at him. No he hadn't been there when Sarah had died. He'd been at home sleeping and dreaming of another woman. Not just another woman, but Lisbon, arguably the closest friend that he had, and she hadn't just made an appearance in his dream, but had practically been the star. If Abby hadn't woken him up he wondered how far his dream self would have gone with his dream Lisbon.

"I'm sorry if you don't think that I did a good job being a husband, but when she died I was busy being a good FATHER." He shouted the last word, he didn't need to but his anger at himself was just too much.

"I never wanted to hate you Patrick, I just love-loved, Sarah so much. I just don't know how I'm going to go on in life without her. While she was alive there was always the thought that she might end up picking me after all, but, now that she's dead, there is nothing else."

"Oh, get over yourself. You are not the only one who's morning here. My wife died. My daughter lost her mother, my son will never know his mother. And you want me to feel sorry for you because as her sorry excuse for a lover you no longer held a place in her heart? You want me to care that you were the driving force behind our reconciliation. I'm sorry but I don't. If you hadn't come along there wouldn't have needed to be one in the first place."

"You don't know that she wouldn't have chosen me."

"Yes I do." Both men seemed unaware that there were still people around them. Some of the people who had been there for the funeral were frozen in place watching the display while others were embarrassed for the two men, obviously in so much pain that she couldn't bear to watch. "If she had wanted you she would have left me a long time ago. She wouldn't have had a problem telling me that she was having an affair, she wouldn't have had a problem just saying that she wanted to be with you. But no, she picked me, her husband and not you. Face it you were nothing more than her fuck buddy, she could have gotten what she got from you from anywhere."

"I was not just her fuck buddy. That's more of what you were in the end. She never wanted to have another child. That's what she told me when I went to see her that night. That she never wanted to have children, at least not with you. She told me that last night that she didn't think she could do the whole baby thing with _you_ again. She was going to leave you."

"NO! You're just upset that you're the one that ended it with her, that you're the reason she even ever had to consider having another child."

"I loved her Patrick." He had stopped yelling now, and there were tears streaming down his face, "I always loved her. I always will, and I just, I don't know what I'm going to do."

Jane just stared at him; the broken man in front of him was not what he was expecting. It was like the anger had been a mask for the grief. "I loved her too." He said, the tears welling up in his eyes as well, "I loved her too."


	35. It's Only Been a Few Months

**Authors Note: **Spoilers for Red John's Footstep's, I played with it a little, but it's still recognizable. A big thanks to Eve215 who kept on me to update, and to Leighannamarie who lent me her story and feelings for this and probably the next chapter too. Not betaed, and I apologize if the characters are slightly off, I need new inspiration, I've been watching every ep from the first season, but I yearn for more. Is it the 24th yet? That, and I feel like crap, I'm pretty sure that doesn't help any either. So, I apologize in advance if this is crap.

**Disclaimer: **I'm glad I don't own them. If this bombs I disappoint maybe 200 people, if the show bombs, it's a few million.

**What If? Chapter 34-It's Only Been a Few Months**

Jane didn't know what he was going to do. On the surface everything seemed fine. He'd found a nanny who was working out wonderfully, his house keepers niece, and was back at work. Abby had thrown herself into her dancing and school. She had requested to start private lessons with her ballet teacher. This concerned Jane. In the past the teacher had recommended private lessons for Abby because she was such a skilled dancer, but Abby had always declined saying that between school and friends she just wouldn't have the time.

But in the months since Sarah had died Abby had spent more and more time with her dancing and school work. Jane didn't know if he should be concerned or not. She didn't seem to be suffering at all. He had expected her to loose interest in her dancing or to start doing badly in school as she moved through morning, but she seemed fine.

He had tried to talk to her doctor, but the therapist wouldn't tell him what Abby talked about in her sessions with him, something about doctor patient confidentiality. It didn't matter that Jane was her father, or that she was a minor, or that he was the one paying for the sessions. All her doctor would tell him was that Abby was a wonderful child who'd just lost her mother. Jane already knew that.

That's why he was getting ready to call what seemed like the only number he ever used these days. He needed to find out from someone who'd been through this before, someone who'd lost their mother at a young age, what to expect. At this point he was still a little scared that one day Abby would walk out of her bedroom with a shaved head and nose ring. Not that he would try to make her conform; he just didn't want to lose his little girl that way.

*************************************************************************************

Lisbon sat at the table in the kitchen of her apartment. Brian had been pushing for them to get a larger place together, but for some reason she was reluctant to take that step. She didn't know why, she was marring the guy after all, but, no she still couldn't bring herself to take that step. As it was Brian spent most of his time at her place anyway.

Brian had cooked dinner for her tonight, as a special treat after a long day at work. The case that they'd just wrapped up was a hard one. A pair of 19 year old girls had gone missing, twins, and one was found dead in a state park. They had found her killer and the other twin, it had been the local sheriff, apparently he'd been infatuated with the twin he'd kidnapped. It had been hard and long and there had been a lot of hot emotions when they'd figured out who had done it.

All she wanted to do tonight was take a hot bath and sleep. She had no interest in a large meal, she wasn't really that hungry, but she blamed current predicament on herself. She had called Brian from the road, telling him that they would be coming in early. She hadn't expected him to be waiting for her in her apartment, cooking dinner. She knew he went through a lot of trouble, she didn't want to make him mad, but she just wanted to sleep.

She'd had to endure enough of his dislike for her job on a normal bases, let alone her trying to explain to him how she managed to get bruises on her face and torso. How do you tell your fiancé that you single handedly disarmed a large crazy man in the dark? It wasn't supposed to happen that way, but it had, and she wasn't able to avoid every punch and kick. It probably wouldn't have been so bad if she hadn't come home with a spit lip and black eye.

So now she was sitting at the table watching him cook, not that he was very good or very neat, and listening to him complain about her job some more. Not everyone could be happy sitting behind a desk or staying indoors all day long. She liked going out on cases and interviewing suspects. It still gave her a thrill to catch the 'bad guy'.

Brian was in the middle of a monologue on his thoughts on her getting a job as perhaps a private security guard, or she could become a teacher at the local college that had a program in criminal justice, anything had to be better then and job where she could get beat up, when her phone rang. She welcomed the interruption.

"Lisbon." She said getting up from the table and walking into the living room.

"Hey it's me." The voice on the other end of the line said causing Lisbon to smile.

"And am I supposed to know who 'me' is?"

"Very funny Lisbon."

"What's up Jane?" She sat on the sofa sinking into the softness of the overstuffed goodness. She concealed the relaxed sigh, this was so much better than the hard kitchen chair.

"I just wanted to, what I mean is, I'm worried about Abby."

"Why?"

"Well, she's just acting so normal. I just, I don't know if that's ok or not. I mean, shouldn't she be morning?"

"Maybe she is. Have you talked to her?"

"Well, no, not really."

"Talk to her Jane, ask her how she's feeling, how she's coping."

"I guess I could try that."

"You're her dad Jane; all she needs from you is to know that you're there for her."

"I guess you're right."

"How are _you_ doing Jane?" This she suspected was the real reason he was calling.

"I've been better. It's not as easy as I thought it was going to be, you know, being the single dad and all."

"I can imagine."

"I just, I don't know, maybe it's too soon to tell."

"It's only been a few month Jane. P.J.'s only three month old, give yourself time."

"Did I tell you he's holding his head up now?"

"Really?"

"Yea, I didn't think he'd be able to do it for another month or so, but he's really able to support his head really well."

"That's great Jane." Brian walked into the living room and just looked at her, his way of telling her that dinner was done. "Look, I have to go, Brian cooked dinner, but call me after you talk to Abby, let me know how it goes."

"Good luck with dinner, I hope his cooking doesn't kill you." She had mentioned once in passing to him that Brian's cooking was atrocious.

"Bye Jane." She hung up the phone and smiled slightly.

"Was that Patrick from your work? What did he need?" Asked Brian as Lisbon slowly got up off the comfortable sofa, she really didn't want to move.

"We should eat in here tonight; the sofa is so much more comfortable than those chairs in the kitchen."

"You didn't answer the question." He ignored her request and began to walk towards the kitchen.

"His wife just died, he's trying to raise two kids on his own, and he's worried about his daughter. He just needs an encouraging word now and then."

Dinner was quiet and tense, she ate without complaint what she guessed was supposed to be a stir fry. But the meat was tough and the vegetables were mushy, and the rice was dry and flavorless. She really would have preferred to eat out.

They washed up without much talk and headed off to bed. She was asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.


	36. Let's Dance

**Authors Note: **I promised an update once a week and I am here to deliver. I know, these slow updates are horrible, but I've just got more work intensive classes this semester. I just don't have the time, that and my kids don't seem to realize that the beds in their rooms are actually for sleeping in. Just in case anyone was wondering, I'm not a dancer, not have I ever taken dancing lessons. So, I apologize if I got any of this wrong. Also, not betaed and it's after 1:00 am, so if you see any horrible mistakes, let me know.

**Disclaimer: **No, they are mine. Amazon sent me an e-mail saying that I was going get them in the mail. Oh, wait, that was just the DVD's. I guess they're not mine after all. (and yes, I've been waiting like 3 months to use that)

**What If? Chapter 35: Let's Dance**

Jane had become an expert on the various places to sit in the CBI office building. He knew that if you were in Minelli's office that you didn't want to sit in the chairs across from his desk. They are hard and uncomfortable, and if you're going to get a dressing down, you want to be on the couch. It's only slightly more comfortable than the chairs, the frame is hard and the arms to high, but it's more comfortable than those chairs.

In Lisbon's office the chairs are nice, but hands down, the sofa is where someone would find him if they showed up in there unannounced. He still preferred his couch for most every day lounging and procrastinating, but, lately he'd been spending more and more time with Lisbon in her office. They didn't always talk; they didn't always pay attention to each other. It was more that Jane just needed her comforting presence.

Today though he had a specific reason for being in her office, for laying on her sofa, for not saying anything very loudly. It had been six months since Sarah died. Six months to the day. Abby had a dance recital tonight; she had a solo, and a large one at that. She'd been practicing even more than usual for it. He'd tried talking to her as Lisbon had suggested the night they'd got home from that horrible case, but it hadn't really led anywhere.

Sure, she'd told him that she missed her mom, that she was sad about it, but had insisted that she wasn't spending any more time than necessary away from her friends. When he'd asked her about the extra time dancing she'd told him that she decided that she really enjoyed it, and that if she was going to make a living out of it she was going to have to start working harder. That had surprised him. He'd never thought of it as more than just a fun past time for her.

"Are you planning on sitting there all day thinking very loudly, or are you going to talk to me about what's on your mind?" Lisbon asked not looking up from the file on her desk.

"It's been six months." He didn't have to say since what, he knew she would know.

"Abby has a dance recital tonight?"

"How'd you know?" He knew he hadn't told her.

"I overheard you on the phone the other day talking with her dance instructor."

"Oh." He was quiet for a few more minutes. "Would you like to come?"

"I was already planning on it. What time is it at?"

"Seven, same place it was the last time you came to one. Do you want me to pick you up?"

This comment caused Lisbon to finally look up from the file. "Why? I was planning on just leaving from here."

"Really?" Jane looked at her like he didn't believe her. "Or is it that Brian has been bugging you to spend more time with him and if he found out that you were going to be spending time with me he'd be livid?"

"Brian couldn't get livid if he tried. No, I just have some paper work to finish up, and thought I'd just head out from here."

"All right." He'd let it go for now, but she knew she hadn't heard the last of it.

It was an uneventful day after that, Jane left early for home and Lisbon, true to her word, stayed late working on paper work until it was time to go to the recital. It had been over a year and a half since the last time Lisbon had seen Abby dance, though it seemed longer than that. So much had happened since then.

Lisbon sat with Jane, smiling as she slid into the plush seat of the theater. "Where's P.J.?"

"With the nanny, I didn't think he would be able to stay quiet for two hours while everyone dances."

"When's Abby on?"

"She's up last for her solo, but her dance troupe is somewhere in the middle."

They watched as the youngest of the dancers came out onto the stage, the girls in tutus, and the lone boy in a pair of white stirrup pants.

"Are you going to have P.J. take dancing?" Lisbon whispered into Jane's ear.

Ignoring the completely inappropriate shiver that ran down his spin when her breath tickled his ear he whispered back, "I'll let him decide, that's what we did with Abby." The smile that had been toying at his lips when he began started to slip when he thought of Sarah. Lisbon noticed and reached over and grabbed his hand, smiling at him to say she understood, the settled in to watch the rest of the recital.

The dance groups were split by age and ability level. The groups all preformed different types of dances ranging from ballet to tap and more modern dance moves. Abby's group was one of the last to perform before the soloists. They did a jazz number that was truly unique. The solo dancers were all amazing. Lisbon could tell that the dancers had put a lot of time into their routines. The last dancer before Abby was an older teenage couple doing an elegant waltz. The announcer had mentioned that they were going to be going to a regional competition in a few months.

Then it was Abby's turn. The music was soulful and the dance was one of mourning. It wasn't like anything else that had been done that night. Lisbon found herself watching even more intently than she had before. The emotions that it evoked caused tears to prick at the corners of her eyes. Sadness, despair, mourning. This is what went through her.

Without meaning to images of her mother and father came into her mind, thought of her mother's death and her fathers' downward spiral. Thoughts of her child hood and what could have been. Before she knew it the dance was over and everyone was standing applauding.

"She was amazing." Lisbon said as they made their way outside to wait for Abby.

"I know. I'd seen her practicing bits and pieces as she went around the house, but, I hadn't seen it all in one." He was still in awe of the dance; it had been so full of emotion.

"Did she choreograph that herself?"

"Uh, yeah, I think she did."

They watched as the dancers started to stream out the doors to meet waiting parents and grandparents with open arms. It wasn't until there were only a handful of people left waiting outside that they realized that Abby was taking longer than usual.

"I should go see if she's ok." Jane said the worry evident in his voice.

"Let me check on her Jane, I think I might know what's going on." Jane just nodded, settling onto a bench by the front of the theater to wait. Normally he would have insisted on coming with her, but tonight it just seemed right to let her go. Jane had been worried about Abby, and knowing that Lisbon cared enough about her to find her when she didn't have to made his heart just a little lighter.

Lisbon walked through the halls of the theater. She had stopped to check with one of the instructors and was told that Abby was indeed still in the dressing rooms and had been pointed in the right direction. There were really only two options that Lisbon could think of for why Abby hadn't come right out to find them. The first option she would have preferred, Abby sitting with friends laughing and talking about how much fun the whole evening had been. As much as she wanted this, she just didn't think it was going to happen.

No, the second option was much more possible. And that's what worried Lisbon. She got to the dressing room that the instructor had told her was used by the girls in Abby's troupe and knocked softly. Not hearing a response she cracked the door open slightly and the sight she saw nearly broke her heart. There curled up in a ball in the corner was Abby sobbing slightly.


	37. It Will Get Better

**Authors Note: **I'm going to put a special thanks to Divinia Serit in this chapter. I was reading the most recent update of 'And the Mighty Will Fall' when I was hit with portions of this conversation, so thanks for that, even though you really didn't do much more than do a fabulous job writing. And thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I know it was a little slow, but, this should be better. Oh, and thanks a bunch to Eve215 who keeps on me to update, without her, we'd still be back to the last update I did in August.

**Disclaimer: **If they were mine, we wouldn't have to wait till next week to see the new ep. I so want to see Lisbon lose control like that. I can't wait.

**What If? Chapter 36: It will get better**

_Lisbon got to the dressing room that the instructor had told her was used by the girls in Abby's troupe and knocked softly. Not hearing a response she cracked the door open slightly and the sight she saw nearly broke her heart. There curled up in a ball in the corner was Abby sobbing slightly._

"Abby? Can I come in?" Lisbon asked quietly from the door.

"Um…" Abby paused, wiping her eyes and sitting up a little straighter. "Sure, I'm just getting the last of my things together."

"Take your time, I don't think your dad's in a hurry." Lisbon walked towards her and settled onto the floor next to Abby.

"I just, I just need a minute." The sobbing had slowed since Lisbon had come in and now Abby was just sitting on the ground close to Lisbon. She was obviously hurting and Lisbon decided to take a stab at what she thought the problem was.

"That was a great dance. You're mom would have loved it."

"Yeah, right." Abby wiped her nose on her sleeve and looked up at Lisbon, "I bet I know what you're thinking right now." He voice was almost bitter.

"I bet you're wrong." Lisbon smiled at her slightly before continuing. "I'm thinking that in the beginning everyone was telling you how sorry they were for you that your mom was dead, how sad they were, telling you they knew what you were going through, how you were feeling. And then, people started to forget, your friends started to act like nothing had ever happened, they would talk about their moms as if they were something to be loathed and they didn't understand when you got upset. And if someone did manage to remember that you no longer had a mom then it would get uncomfortable, and they wouldn't know how to act. I bet that eventually it just because easier to pretend that they weren't there at all, that it was easier to just throw yourself into your dancing and your school work and pretend that nothing had ever changed, but it did and you just didn't know what to do, and eventually, it led to this, me finding you sobbing on the floor of the dressing room after one of the most emotional performances I've ever seen."

Abby looked at her through wet eyes. "How do you know?"

"When I was your age my mom," Lisbon paused for a minute to get her emotions under control. "My mom was killed in a car accident by a drunk driver. I went through school getting looks of pity. My friends couldn't understand what I was going through. All their thoughtless comments and platitudes were actually more hurtful than if they hadn't said anything at all."

"Sometimes, I think the teachers are even worse. They treat me different than they did before; they take it easier on me. I don't ask them to. That makes some of the kids upset. I just want everything to go back to normal."

"Someday, you'll wake up and it'll be just a little bit lighter. It might take a while, but day by day it'll get better until one you wake up and it's not the first thing you think about, and you'll find that it doesn't bother you nearly as much as you'd think it would."

"Really? How long did it take for you?" Abby was truly curious, no one else-not even her therapist-had been able to share something like this with her.

"I don't really know. It's something that happens gradually. But it does happen." She pulled Abby to her and gave her a comforting hug. "And until it does, anytime you need something or someone, call me. Anytime, just give me a call and I'll be there for you."

They sat there for a few more minutes just thinking, both lost in their own worlds of grief and missing loved ones. Jane was sitting outside on a bench when they came out, Abby liked to pretend that her dad couldn't tell that she had been crying, but she knew he could tell.

Jane lifted his head when he saw them coming, opening his mouth to ask Abby what was wrong, but a shake of her head made him change his mind. "Abby, you did such a good job tonight, how about some dinner?"

"Can Teresa come?" Abby asked turning to look at Lisbon and direct the question to her too.

"I-"Lisbon was cut off by her phone ringing. "Let me just take this, give me a minute"

Jane tried, though not very hard, to put distance between him and Lisbon so that she could have some semblance of privacy.

"Brian, hey…No, yeah, I'm still at work…What do you mean why didn't I answer my office phone…I'm not in my office…There are other places at the CBI that I could be…" Her voice was rising, and she looked over her shoulder to see Abby and Jane very obviously not looking in her direction. She lowered her voice before talking again. "We'll talk about this when I get home."

She stood there for a minute, calming her emotions before turning to face Jane. "So where are we going for dinner?"

"Asian, that new sushi place." This was Abby's suggestion. They parted at Lisbon's car that was parked closer to the building that Jane's.

"Are you ok?" Jane asked quietly, resting a hand on her arm.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll see you at dinner."

Jane got in his car and watched her drive away. She wasn't ok, he knew it, he just didn't know what to do about it.


	38. Happily Ever After?

**Authors Note: **Ok, I know this is late, but **LAST NIGHT'S EP WAS FREAKING AWESOME!!!!** And as such I spent the time I was supposed to be writing re watching the episode. Eps like that are the reason I feel in love with the Mentalist to begin with. I used the name P.J. in my original fic for my creative writing class. Just thought I'd share, cause it's late and I ramble when I'm tired, and didn't Grace look pretty in Red Badge? Oh, and a special thanks to those of you who noticed that I accidentally called Brian by the wrong name at one point. Peter is the name of a guy in the pice I'm doing for my creative writing class. I've been working on it, and the name jsut came out. Their personalities are similar, I've been doing it all week.

**Disclaimer: **The quality of my writing is nowhere near the writers of this fine show, so, no, I don't own them or anything to do with them. I'm just using them for my enjoyment.

**What if? Chapter 37: Happily Ever After?**

"Oh, right there, that's the spot." His hands continued the gentle ministrations on her neck and shoulders.

"I don't know why you let yourself get so stressed out and tense before you do anything about it. Really, I should be doing this at least weekly."

"Yeah right, Jane. Just be glad you're good at this or I would have broken your hands when you first tried to touch me."

She could almost feel his deep chuckle vibrating down his hands. "I don't understand what has you so stressed out."

"It's the wedding. Now that we've set a date, it's just started getting more and more stressful."

"Isn't that why you have a wedding planner?"

"She thinks that the bride needs to be involved with every step of the process. She fails to realize that planning this wedding is not the most important thing in my life right now."

"Shouldn't it be?"

"You're as bad as she is. That's what we have her for, so I don't have to think about it."

Jane didn't say anything to that. Really he had wanted to ask her why it was that she didn't want to think about it, but knew if he did she would just pull away from him, and he really didn't want that to happen. He knew it was wrong, but lately he'd wanted to spend more and more time with her. It was as if those emotions he had buried almost two years ago were coming back to the surface. He wondered if it was because they were coming up on the one year anniversary of Sarah's death.

"Hey, P.J.'s birthday's coming up." He needed to get his mind of other inappropriate thoughts.

"Yeah, I know." He felt her tens under his hands and sighed internally, she would be pulling away soon.

"We're just having a small family party, me, Abby, the nanny. I'd like you to come." He paused, "Brian too if he wants to." It killed him to say that, but he needed to be a good friend.

"I'd love to come Jane. I wouldn't miss it." She pulled away from his hands, just like he knew she would. "We should get back to work. I'm supposed to go out to dinner with Brian tonight, and he's been upset that I've been working so many late nights."

"You didn't work late last night, you were over at my house for dinner, you helped Abby with her homework."

"I know that." She stood from where she had been sitting on the small sofa in her office and moved around the back of her desk to sit in her chair. "But Brian doesn't know that. He thinks I was working late."

Jane spoke before he could stop himself this time. "Why is it that you don't tell Brian that you're spending time with your friends after work? Surely he does the same thing."

"He does, but, this is just easier. He wouldn't mind if it was just Abby, or if I was going out with Van Pelt, but, it because you're a guy. He's just insecure, and there's no reason to add to that."

"And you don't think that you should be worried about that? That maybe that's a sign of things to come?"

"I didn't ask for your opinion Jane."

"Just tell me one thing," he stood and walked over to her, leaning over her desk, moving into her personal space. "Why did you say yes? I was there at the restaurant that night when he proposed. I say you, that look on your face was not one of love and affection."

"I just want a chance of happiness Jane, and Brian is the best I've got, so please, just leave it alone."

He could tell by the sound of her voice that she was done talking, even if he hadn't gotten a satisfactory answer to his question.

"Alright Lisbon, next Friday, 7:00, P.J. will miss you if you're not there." He smiled at her slightly as she left the office.

Lisbon sat staring at the papers on her desk, sometimes she wondered what made her chose Brian I the first place, then just gave up. She remembered alright, she had seen Jane at that restraint and wanted what he had so much, wanted to be the one at his side, her hand in his, that smile focused on her. Her phone ringing startled her from her memories

"Lisbon."

"Hey honey. I'm on my way, want me to come up?"

She looked out her office window, seeing Jane chatting with Rigsby and Cho in the bull pen. "No, I'll come down and follow you to the restaurant."

This was the right thing, she loved Brian, she was going to marry him. She wasn't too old for happily ever after. Was she?


	39. Choose

**Authors Note: **I know, I've been threatening to have it happen for ages, I mean, Brian just keeps hanging around and I keep promising to get rid of him, well, I think you all have waited long enough. Oh and thanks to lilsmiles and tater bug 7 for reading the last chapter close enough to notice that I called Brian the wrong name. I fixed it, but, yeah, thanks for noticing, I fixed it. And an extra special thank you to Eve215 for reading this through and giving my some awesome suggestions. This is a quick update, don't get used to it, the next one will be back on the regular day, Thursday, in celebration of Lisbon letting Grace out of the office (was it my imagination, or was she dressed as a biker chick in that preview?).

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

**What if? Chapter 38: Choose**

"I'm leaving Brian!" Lisbon called from the front hall way in her apartment.

"Where are you going?" He came out of the kitchen wiping his hands on a towel.

"P.J.'s birthday party. I told you last week. Then again on Wednesday. I asked if you wanted to come, you said no…Ring any bells?"

"I still don't get why you're going to this thing. It sounds like a family affair, why did that guy invite you?"

"_That guy_ is my friend. I'm going because he asked me to come."

"And if I asked you to stay?"

"Brian, don't do this."

"Do what Teresa? Ask you to do something and expect that you would do it because I'm your fiancé? Don't think I don't know that you've been seeing _him_ when you said you were working late." His voice was almost mocking in its accusation, as if daring her to deny it.

"What are you talking about?" She started to get an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach, he had known? Brian had known that she was spending time with Jane and his family and was just _now_ doing something about it.

"You know what I'm talking about Teresa. A friend of mine has a son who goes to the same dance school that you _friend's _daughter goes to. He saw you at that recital, the one where Abby was dancing. He saw you there, all cozied up to Patrick. What I want to know is why you told me you were working late, why didn't you ask me--tell me that you were going to be going out with him?" Anger now was showing through his voice, though he tried to keep it in check, he didn't see a reason to show his hand to early.

"I've been going to Abby's recitals for a while now; I didn't see why I needed your permission to go."

"But that doesn't change the fact that you didn't tell me you were going. You lied Teresa; you lied to _me_." Neither of them was yelling, but it didn't seem to make a difference. They could be screaming at the top of their lungs or whispering and the words would still have the same meaning. They were still angry and fierce.

"You want to know why I lied to you? You never understood why I wanted to spend time with my friends from work. You couldn't get over the fact that the person named Jane that I worked with and hung out with was a guy. Forget the fact that he's a grieving widow, that doesn't seem to matter to you." She was raising her voice now, she couldn't help it. All the anger and frustration from the past few years were coming back at her.

"The night of the engagement party, the night P.J. was born, you were mad that I left to go support a friend who had been in a car accident. One that put his wife and unborn child in danger, one that ultimately did end up killing his wife. I needed to be there for my friend, and the only thing that you could think of was that I wasn't there to kiss your boss ass."

"Oh, so this is my fault!?" Brian was yelling now too, no longer bothering to hide the anger. "It's my fault that I want to spend time with my fiancé? It's not that I don't trust you around him Teresa; it's that I don't trust him around you. I've seen the way he looks at you. Even before his wife died. He looks at you like he wants to be more than just a friend."

"That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Jane doesn't think of me that way." He voice wasn't as sure and strong as it had been just a few seconds ago.

"No? Think about it Teresa. You feel the need to lie to me about spending time with him." Brian said. Lisbon couldn't place to tone in his voice, was it _jealousy?_ No matter what it was she could tell it wasn't good. "You've always placed him before me, and you need to choose. It's either this…_friendship_, or me. It can't be both."

"Brian, don't do this, it's not fair to ask me that."

"It's not a hard question Teresa. You should be able to answer it without thinking so hard."

"I work with him every day; do you want me to give up my job too?"

"No, I'd never ask you to do that; I know how much you love your job."

"Well, that's what you're asking me to do." She looked down at the ring on her finger; it was beautiful, and completely impractical. It was all wrong for her, just like the man in front of her. "I'm sorry, Brian. I can't do this. If you're going to make me chose I'm going to chose Jane, because having a friend I can talk to is better than having a husband whom I can't stand"

She pulled off the ring and stepping towards where he was still standing in the doorway to the kitchen and pressed the ring into his hand. "We never were right for each other."

"Teresa?" Brian sounded confused and hurt. He hadn't expected it to go this way.

"You'd better give me my key and leave. I'll bring your stuff by in the morning."

"What the hell! I've put up with your job and your life for over two years now, and this is it! You just want to walk out of the door and forget all about everything we've been through?" Lisbon had never seen him so angry before, had she not been a cop trained to deal with people when they lost control she might have been tenser.

"I don't know why you want to hang around then, if it's been so hard and trying for you. So just get the hell out of my house." She stood pointing towards the door as Brian twisted her key off his ring and threw it at her.

"You're just a thankless bitch, that's what you are. I can't believe I wasted my time with you." He started walking toward her, but Lisbon didn't move.

"Don't do something that you're going to regret Brian."

"I already did." He glared at her for a few seconds before turning and walking out the door slamming it behind him.

It wasn't until the sound of his footsteps stopped echoing outside that she let herself relax. She could feel the tears burning in the back of her eyes, but refused to cry over this man. She had loved him, she really had, but it had never been right. Despite her best efforts she felt the tears falling down her cheeks. She felt herself sliding to the floor, hugging her legs to her, she allowed herself to grieve for what could have been.


	40. Happy Birthday!

**Authors Note: **So Thursday (October 15th) was my birthday, 11 hours of which I spent in a car driving. 6 of those hours were spent with two sick kids in the car, one of which has been throwing up for the past 2 days. I loved it (does sarcasm come across on this Internet). My brother and I decided that we are going to celebrate our birthday on the 16th this year. As, needless to say, this was late getting written. I know it's short, but at least I didn't blow it off all together. Oh, and as a side note, we taught the same brother mentioned above to walk at 9 months using the same trick as the one in this chapter, my mom was not pleased.

**Disclaimer: **Was anyone else disappointed in last night's episode? See, you can tell they're not mine, I wouldn't have shown that episode after last weeks, it just wasn't at the same caliber.

**What if? Chapter 39: Happy Birthday!**

Jane was sitting in the living room watching P.J. playing. The nanny, Gabby, was there too, teasing P.J. from the other side of the room trying to get him to walk towards her to get his favorite toy while Abby sat on the sofa with a video camera shouting words of encouragement. Jane was very busy not noticing that it was almost an hour after Lisbon had said she was going to be there and she hadn't called. He was busy not thinking of all the reasons she would have to not be here, a car accident that left her unconscious and incapable of calling being the things he wasn't thinking about the most.

"Dad! Look!" Abby's excited voice caused him to turn his head just in time to see P.J. take three wobbly steps towards Gabby before falling on his bottom with a giggle.

"Please tell me you got that on video." A voice said from the door way.

"Teresa! You made it." Abby handed the video camera to her dad and ran over to the door to give Lisbon a hug.

"Sorry I'm late, or rather, just in time to see P.J.."

"I know; we've been working on it all night."

Jane watched from his spot of the floor. P.J. had lost interest in the toy that Gabby was holding and was playing with a particularly interesting piece of carpet fuzz. Jane wasn't able to see Lisbon's face from the angle that she was standing, watching P.J., but he could tell by the sound of her voice that something wasn't right. As Lisbon turned to say hello to him, he saw her eyes red rimmed and swollen, she had been crying. Why would she have been crying?

"Lisbon, are you ok?" The words were out of his mouth before he could think about what she would say to them.

"I'm fine Jane, just got stuck in traffic is all." She shot him a look that clearly said to stop asking, and he gave her one that said it wasn't over, but neither of them said anything else about it.

"Have you met Gabby, Teresa? She's the nanny, she's really good with P.J., she's the one who got him to walk."

"Nice to meet you." Gabby stood up and shook Lisbon's hand. "I'm Teresa Lisbon; I work with Jane at the CBI."

"Nice to meet you, Abby talks about you all the time."

"Hey, who wants dinner?" Jane asked bending to scoop P.J. off the floor.

They made their way into the dining room, the three adults taking turns with the video camera capturing all of P.J.'s first birthday dinner on camera down to his dumping his bowl of mashed potatoes on his head.

When it came time for the cake Lisbon took control of the camera. "You need to be in this one Jane, he's your son."

They turned off the lights so that the only illumination was the candle on the top of the cake. Lisbon watched as they all sang "Happy Birthday" and Jane helped P.J. blow out the candle on his cake. She felt her eyes began to mist up with tears and quickly blinked them back. The touching family scene was just serving to remind her that this was another thing that she was never going to have. A loving husband and father for children she was not likely to ever have.

Jane watched her out of the corner of his eye as Abby turned the light back on. There was defiantly something wrong, and even if it took all night he was going to figure it out.


	41. I'll Always Love You

**Authors Note: **I'm a bit high on pain meds right now, so if there's a glaring mistake in this let me know, I'll fix it. Oh, and because I know someone's going to mention it, my daughter didn't get teeth until well after her first birthday. The dentist said this wasn't unusual. I like to think that it's made her jaw just that much stronger, she could break skin with her gums, let me tell you, that's more painful than with the teeth… Oh, sorry one more thing. A special thanks to everyone who's taken time to read and review, especially those who've recently started reading and read all 40 chapters in one go. That's a lot of reading. Thanks bunches to everyone.

**Disclaimer: **I own P.J., I kind of own Abby and Sarah. That's it. I don't even own Brian or Eric, though, I have adapted and changed them slightly for my purposes (because who would believe vampires in broad daylight?)

**What if? Chapter 40: I'll Always Love You**

Gabby put P.J. to bed before leaving for the night and Abby had gone up to her room a half an hour before to 'do homework' that would probably amount to her playing computer games until 10:00 when Jane usually checked on her. Jane stood in the kitchen with Lisbon, washing the dishes from dinner. Lisbon was rinsing them off to go in the state of the art dishwasher and Jane was wiping the counters down, cleaning up invisible crumbs and specks of dust.

He was debating on how to bring up the way that Lisbon had been acting all evening. It hadn't escaped his notice that she had been crying silently while they were all singing happy birthday to P.J., or that she had pretty much commandeered the camera after that, making sure that there were lots of pictures, but effectively making it so that there were none of her, with her red rimed and puffy eyes.

He looked over at her now washing out the sink for the third time and sighed.

"Ok, Jane, ask, I know you've been wanting to all night, so just go ahead and ask." Lisbon threw the sponge at the sink and turned the water off.

"Why don't we go sit down?"

"Stalling now?" She asked, but that didn't stop her from walking towards the living room where P.J. had taken his first steps just that night. On the way out of the kitchen she grabbed the camera and started reviewing the footage of the event. "I can't believe P.J.'s walking already. It feels like yesterday we were celebrating him holding up his head."

"I know; he's gotten so big." Jane sat on the sofa and gestured for Lisbon to join him. She ignored him and sat on the arm chair next to the sofa. He couldn't help but wonder at the act, as if she was trying to put as much distance between them as possible.

"He looks just like his daddy." She had stopped on a view of P.J. with a huge toothless grin. "Still no teeth though."

"No, no teeth, but Abby's dentist said that's not unusual. It's just been so long since Abby was that age that I forgot."

Lisbon smiled at the shot of P.J. again, his short golden hair already showing the same curls that both his father and sister had. His light green eyes a perfect match of Jane's as well. She felt tears pricking at her eyes again; they'd been hiding there all night, lurking right behind her eyelids. She knew that Jane had caught her 'leaking' eyes a few times.

"Are you going to keep changing the subject, or are you going to tell me what's going on?" Jane leaned forward on the sofa to be as close to Lisbon as possible

"I got into a fight with Brain." Her voice was quiet, a tone Jane had never heard before.

"About what?" He could guess, but thought that this was something she was going to need to tell him herself.

"Work." One word answers, never a good sign.

"Work?"

"Well, not really." Just a bit more, but he didn't want to prod, at least, not that much, he wanted to make sure she was comfortable, after all, he was her friend.

"Not really? Then what was it about?"

"He got upset because I was coming to P.J.'s party tonight. He said I spent too much time with you."

"And do you?"

"You're my friend Jane, you're going through a hard time in your life right now, your wife died almost a year ago, you're a single father," Jane opened his mouth to stop her, but she just kept going without looking at him, "with a teenage daughter. And as a former teenage girl, try it's been a while, but I know that you can use some help, teenage girls aren't easy to deal with."

"And I'm glad that I've got a friend like you, but-" she cut him off, not wanting to stop talking now that she was on a roll.

"Jane, he asked me to choose. To choose between him and you, between my fiancé and my best friend, between him and my job. I couldn't do that Jane. I couldn't give up my job Jane. It's the one thing I've always had. It's what I'm best at. I just couldn't do that."

"Lisbon…" He trailed off, not sure what to say.

"I'm not getting married Jane. It's over. And tonight, watching you with P.J. …I'm never going to have that am I? I thought that with Brian I might be able to have the happy family that I remember from my childhood, from before my mom died, but now…"

"Lisbon, look at me." He waited until she was looking at him, leaning forward so that he was almost off the sofa and put a hand on her knee. "Never give up on what you want the most, it will happen for you, I know it. I know it seems hopeless right now, but, it will get better."

"I know Jane, it's just the realization…I'm not as young as I used to be, my brothers all have kids, even Jack and his partner have adopted, and I don't. I'm the only one who comes to family reunions without someone. I have to sit and listen to my sister-in-laws talking about their kids and giving my pitying looks and talking behind my back about 'poor Teresa' who never has a boyfriend. I'm sick of it."

The tears had started to fall even more readily. Jane moved his hand off of Lisbon's knee and to her arm, bringing his other arm up he pulled her out of her chair and into his arms so that she was effectively sitting in his lap. She didn't protest, just leaned her head on his chest and continued crying and talking. Jane knew by her lack of reaction that she was really hurting.

"We had all the family come visit last Christmas, all my brothers and nieces and nephews. For once I got the envious looks; I didn't get the pitying looks I always did. My brothers were all so happy for me, and now…Now I'm going to have to call them and tell them that I'm not going to get married anymore, that their big sister has once again managed to screw up her personal life."

A sob racked her body. He held her close, stroking her hair and whispering soft unmeaning sounds in her ear. The same sort of sounds he used with P.J. when he was up at night fussing. This was _not_ his Lisbon, this frail woman in his arms. He found himself unsure about how to react.

"It wasn't you're fault. I blame Brian. If he was making you choose between your friends and him, then he wasn't the man for you."

"I know, but it still hurts." Those were the last words she spoke as she continued to cry. He held her in his arms, stroking her back until she stopped shaking and her crying ceased and her breathing became slow and regular.

Jane leaned back slightly to see her face, eyes closed, she was asleep. He spoke the first real words in half an hour. "I'll always be there for you, Teresa, I'll always love you."


	42. She Wouldn't, Would She?

**Authors Note: **Blame for this chapter goes to Eve215; who wanted to see Eric again; and a little bit to the 2009 Scream Awards, because he was on them (OK, not him exactly, but the guy who plays him in True Blood) and actually won the award for, I believe it was anyway, Best Horror actor. For those that need a refresher Eric is the person that Sarah was having an affair with, and who used to be a good friend of Jane's. There's nothing wrong with a little self promotion is there? I finished my first original work for my creative writing class and posted it over on fiction press .net. There's a link in my profile, the story is called "It Wasn't Supposed to be Like This", be warned, it's a bit depressing.

**Disclaimer:** For the past 40 some odd chapters we've been doing this song and dance, so you really think the answer's going to change? No, I don't own them and never will. Oh, and as an added bonus, I don't own "True Blood" or the Southern Vampire Mysteries.

**Spoilers for episode 2x01 Redemption-you have been warned.**

**What if? Chapter 41: She wouldn't, would she?**

It was late, well after midnight. It had been a horrific week at work and Jane was having a hard time sleeping. Couple that with the cold that was going around Abby's school; making her grumpy and irritable and P.J. sick and causing Jane to be at his wits end. And today it had showed. He had been hasty at work and Lisbon had ended up having to shoot a suspect. He hated that. The man had died. Sure he was a killer, but that didn't change the fact that the man had been killed by Lisbon's hand. And it was _his_ fault.

If only he hadn't been so lazy, so cavalier with his tactics. If only he had been more responsible, more subdued; more of everything Lisbon wanted him to be. The killer wouldn't have ran, he wouldn't have tried taking a hostage, she wouldn't have had to fire her weapon, no one would be dead. That image was haunting his memories. He'd seen her shoot people before, but never had it been purely because of laziness on his part.

He slowly made his way to his bedroom, checking to make sure that the baby monitor was on. Wouldn't do any good to have Abby wake up because she heard P.J. crying, her room was closer to the nursery than his was. She would only get grumpy, well grumpier than she already was. He slowly peeled off his clothes. He knew he should take a shower; he was covered with the dirt and grime that always came from a crime scene no matter how clean it was; but really couldn't bring himself to care.

It had been three months since the P.J.'s birthday party, the night that Brian had crushed Lisbon's heart. He refused to think that Lisbon had anything to do with it, she was after all the one who was forced to make a choice no woman should ever have to. Three months and he still hadn't gotten up courage enough to ask her to do more than come over to the house after work for dinner with him and his kids. Even Rigsby knew that wasn't the way to woo a woman. He'd never had a problem before, why now? He was even having problems with his own stead fast advice, love and affection. How do you show love and affection to someone whom you already shared so many things?

He collapsed on to his bed, wishing, hoping, that P.J. would sleep though the night, praying that he would be able to sleep.

A noise from somewhere causes him to open his eyes and he looked around, he was at the CBI building, on his old leather couch. He wondered briefly how he managed that before thinking that every day the past week he'd ended up at work without thinking; he was living on auto pilot. It wasn't his week for the car pool so he didn't have to drive Abby to school and Gabby usually got P.J. ready for the day; the commute was mind numbing and with how little sleep he was getting every night it was no surprise that he could end up at the CBI building without even noticing.

"Hey Jane." Rigsby said coming into the bullpen reading a file.

"Welcome to the land of the living." Was Cho's remark as he followed Rigsby into the room.

"Was I really that out of it?" Jane sat up and stretched, enjoying the relaxing element of a good sleep, which was odd; he usually didn't sleep deeply enough to get good rest on his couch.

"Yeah, you completely slept through Lisbon's announcement." Rigsby was talking again, though he had taken a seat at his desk.

"What announcement?"

"We figured you must already know, with all the time you spend with her." Dead pan Cho. He wasn't usually this emotionless. Odd.

"Sure I do, just remind me."

"Is it possible that there's something Jane doesn't know?" Rigsby asked Cho, not falling for Jane's innocent act.

"No way."

"Want to bet?"

"Sure, how much?"

"20 bucks."

"You're one. Hey Van Pelt!" Rigsby called across the room to get the attention of the red headed agent who was leaning over a table looking at yet another file.

She looked up at Rigsby before answering. "Yeah Rigsby, what did you need."

"Can you come over here and look at Jane, we want to figure out if he knew what Lisbon's announcement was earlier. He slept through it."

"Sure." It took only seconds for her to reach them and Rigsby turned back towards Jane and spoke with no preamble.

"Lisbon's getting married."

Jane laughed. "No, she's not. She broke it off with Brian three months ago."

"Not to Brian."

That stopped his laughing. "What?" His voice came out strangled and slightly odd sounding, even to him. There was no way he missed that, in all the time they had spent together in the past few months he would know if Lisbon was seeing someone.

He stood up, ignoring the curses and cheers from the immature members of the Serious Crimes Unit and almost ran to Lisbon's office. He hadn't even reached it when he saw Lisbon walking out of her office with a man that he would recognize anywhere. The man who had been a friend in his psychic days; Eric Northman. He was about to call out ask what he was doing there when Lisbon did the unthinkable.

She kissed him. Not a friendly kiss like one might give a friend or relative. It wasn't even a kiss someone would normally give a lover in broad daylight at their place of work, the typical chaste kiss on the lips. No, it was a full on open mouth kiss with tongue. Tonsil hokey is what Abby had used to describe this style of kissing the last time they had seen it in a movie.

It took everything in his power not to break down right there in the hallway. He could feel his heart breaking. It wasn't-how could she, he loved her and Eric was-he was losing another woman that he loved to this man how used to be his friend; he couldn't breathe this couldn't be happening.

"Jane?" Lisbon surfaced from her lip lock, noticing him for the first time. He couldn't face her, he turned and started to run, he could hear her calling, but couldn't go back the world was spinning and then he was falling, falling, falling….

He woke with a start, sweat pouring from his body, soaking the sheets. He looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table, 5:30, he still had an hour before his alarm went off, there wasn't any way he was going to get back to sleep at this point.

He took a long shower thinking about the meaning behind his dream. He didn't give much credence to things like dream interpretation, but this time, he wasn't going to deny that his dream was telling. He was going to lose the only chance he had with Lisbon if he didn't act soon. Sure, it had only been three months, but, at the same time…

Jane arrived at work with a new determination. He was going to ask Lisbon to come to dinner with him. He wasn't going to call it a date; he just wanted to be able to spend time with her alone. Take it slow, not rush, that wasn't too much.

He smiled at the security guard, whistled on the elevator and cheerfully waved at the team already assembled in the bullpen. He bypassed his couch and turned to go to Lisbon's office. No time like the present to get on with the rest of his life.

He was almost to her office when the door opened and Lisbon stepped out followed by the very man who had inspired his change burst of courage, Eric.

**Authors Note: **I'm sensing a theme in my writing lately. I promise the next chapter of all of my fics that I am currently writing will NOT involve a dream sequence.


	43. Just Not Today

**Authors Note: **Right, so I didn't make the self imposed Thursday Deadline, I tried, really, but round about midnight when I was starting to get heavy eyelids, I realized what I was typing was crap, so, yeah. I worked an extra shift at work so we could get all more testing done, what can I say, I've got a soft spot for those kids. Sorry this is late and so short. Thanks to all those who reviewed and added me to alerts and the like (always makes me happy to get new readers). And a special thanks to Eve215 and Ebony10 for giving me gental nudges to update this.

**Disclaimer: **Anyone else notice how much Jane is getting away with this season? Yeah, starting to bother me. That's how you know I don't own them.

**What If? Chapter 42: Just Not Today**

_He was almost to her office when the door opened and Lisbon stepped out followed by the very man who had inspired his burst of courage, Eric._

Jane stopped in mid stride. Was it possible? Was his dream coming true? Would Lisbon, _his_ Lisbon, really be going after the mad who had almost ended his marriage? It wasn't possible, she wouldn't, he would have known. He watched as Eric leaned towards her, his heart cracking. He couldn't tear his eyes away; it was like watching a train wreck. And then, Lisbon grabbed his hand and shook it, much as she did for all of the formal visitors to her office. She was smiling, but it was her professional courtesy smile.

He forced himself to walk closer so he could hear what was being said.

"I was sorry to hear about you and Brian." Eric was saying.

"It was for the best I think, besides, if I was still engaged you'd have come to him for assistance with your charity event, and not me."

"I'm glad you were able to help, I'll be in touch with what we're going to need." Jane watched as Eric turned and walked towards the elevator, and away from him. Letting out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding and rushed towards her.

"What was he doing here?" Jane demanded a little more forceful than he had planned.

"He was asking for my help with a charity action." Lisbon said giving Jane an odd look and walking back into her office.

Jane shut the door behind him as he followed her into the small office. "And you didn't think to ask me first?"

"I didn't know I had to ask your permission before I talk with people and volunteer my time."

"That's not what I meant and you know it." Jane could feel anger simmering inside of him; this wasn't going like he planned. He was supposed to come in here and tell her he loved her and then it would all be perfect and there wouldn't be any problems, but then Eric really had been there. "It's just, that man, why him?"

"I know what he means to you Jane, but that's in the past, I've worked with him before and all those charity events that Brain and I went to when we were engaged, and he came to ask me for help. I haven't really done anything since I broke up with Brian, and I felt like I needed to do something."

"What do you mean you haven't done anything?" Confusion mixed with the anger now, she'd been spending time with him and Abby and P.J., that was doing something, wasn't it?

"I've been sitting at home, or your home, doing nothing for the past three months Jane, I need to get out and move on with my life. I can't do that if I'm playing house with you." She angrily sat down in her chair behind her desk. "I don't want to fight with you Jane, but I've got to see the shrink today because of that shooting yesterday and I'd like to get some work done before hand."

Jane stood gaping at her, at his dismissal of him; this wasn't how it was supposed to go at all. And what did she mean 'playing house'? He didn't want to play house with her; he wanted to date her, maybe more. "Lisbon I-"

She cut him off before he could continue. "Jane, just, not today ok. Later, we'll talk—later ok?"

She gave him one more look before she picked up a pen and began to write on the papers in front of her. He just looked at her, confused and angry, and just a little sad, before turning and walking out of the office. This had not happened the way he had planned at all.


	44. I'm Worried About Her or Red Badge 1

**Authors Note: **Ever seen a kid with a stuffy nose try to suck their thumb? It's pretty funny stuff. This chapter is dedicated to Eve215 who just got awesome news; at least I'm assuming its awesome news. Anyway, this early update is for her.

**Disclaimer: **My Jane shows remorse, yet another way to tell that I don't own them.

**SPOILERS FOR 2x03 "RED BADGE" **come on, you couldn't tell I was setting that up?

**What If? Chapter 43: I'm Worried About Her **or **Red Badge 1**

Jane sat on his brown leather couch trying not to think. It had been well over a month since Lisbon had been forced to shoot that murder suspect. Over a month since she had been going to see Dr. Carman, the department psychologist. Over a month since he had had that dream, the one that had Lisbon getting married to Eric of all people. Over a month since they'd had the carefree relationship that they'd shared before his dream. He tried, really, but it seemed forced, and he wasn't sure why.

He thought about the last conversation he'd had with her, Abby had been asking about her, wondering when she would be coming over.

"_Lisbon, you have to talk to me. Abby's been worried about you. Be pissed off at me, but don't take it out on Abby, or P.J., you know he misses you."_

"_I'll make sure to give Abby a call tonight and make sure she has my cell phone number. Then she can call me whenever she needs and you don't need to worry about it. P.J. I'm sure is fine"_

That's all she had said, she'd just ignored him the rest of the time he was in her office. His lumpy couch wasn't nearly as comfortable as the one in her office, at least, not lately, now that he wasn't able to spend time in there with her. He tried, but she was always short with him. It was like he had gone back to the way it was when he first started working at the CBI.

He looked up as he saw her walking down the hall towards Dr. Carman's office. Third time this week she'd gone to see him. She'd yet to be able to get the hack of a doctor to sign off on her. Jane didn't know if it was his distrust of psychologists in general, or just Dr. Carman, but something about that man rubbed him wrong.

It wasn't even five minutes later when Lisbon came back down the hall, a relived look on her face. Maybe he'd finally signed off on her.

"We've got a case everyone, let's go. We've got to find a body.

* * *

Jane was pretending to sleep. He was worried about Lisbon. Somehow since their slight falling out she'd fallen apart, and he hadn't noticed. And now she was accused of murder, MURDER. That was not the Lisbon he knew; the Lisbon that hated to take another human life, even in self defense. And she was lying about it.

He didn't know why she was lying, was it so bad for her to admit that she couldn't remember the night that the murder took place? But she'd lied and now it was even worse. He had offered to hypnotize her so that she could remember, but she had said no. He suspected that she would change her mind. He's heard the other team investigating the case talking about the fact that she'd failed her polygraph.

"Jane." Her voice sounded so defeated and almost broken. He knew he needed to keep it light, if he was serious she would break down, and he didn't want that to happen here, she would hate herself if she had a break down at work

"Oh, hey Lisbon." He paused for just the briefest of seconds. "I imagine you want me to hypnotize you know."

A quick nod of her head. "Yeah."

* * *

Jane sat in his car, staring at Lisbon's condo, or was it an apartment? He wasn't sure, her home though, and that was the important thing. He'd just hypnotized her, and apart from learning that she thought that the mail room guy was hot, that she thought that Van Pelt shouldn't sleep with Rigsby, and that she still sometimes danced to the Spice Girls, nothing had been learned about the night that the murder had taken place.

He knew there was something fishy about it, but he hadn't gotten a chance to ask her about it. She had told him to leave and asked him not to tell anyone about her supposed failing. He just couldn't bear to see her so broken, he had to do something. He looked down at her watch and noticed that he was late picking up Abby from school. Sighing, he started his car and drove towards Abby's school.

He was happy to notice that Abby wasn't the only child still standing outside the building when he drove up. He didn't really notice who she was standing with, so lost in his thoughts that he was. He barely glanced as Abby got into the car and Jane headed towards their house.

"OK dad, what gives? You've been acting off all week, and now you don't even give me a hard time about the boy I was waiting with."

"You were waiting with a boy?" Jane glanced at Abby, surprised that he hadn't noticed. "I'm sorry honey, it's just, I'm worried about Lisbon." He knew she'd seen the news, knew that she knew a cop had been accused of killing a recently released child molester, and knew that Abby knew he was no longer working the case, she was a smart young woman, she was bound to have put two and two together eventually.

"Still not talking to you?"

"No, well, yes, she still not really talking to me. I tried hypnotizing her today, to help her remember, but, well, it didn't go well."

"Why not?"

"She still couldn't remember."

"Was she ling to you? Like she really remembered but didn't want to tell you what she remembered?"

"No, she truly could not remember." They sat in silence, both lost in their thoughts and concern for the woman they both loved.

"Did I ever tell you the story about when Addie's mom started her new medication?" Abby asked suddenly, her face brightening.

"No, no you didn't." Jane said, not sure how this tied into their previous conversation.

"Well, she started a new medication, and the doctors put her on two high of a dose. It made her act weird, distant like, and really forgetful. It was kind of funny."

"OK." Jane said, the idea forming in his head.

"I mean, what if Teresa's been drugged?"

"Drugged? No who would have drugged her?" Jane asked, though as he spoke he had some ideas. Was it really possible? She had been acting odd recently, more than just his getting upset about Eric would have caused.

He remained distracted the whole ride home, dropping Abby off with a comment that he would be home late and to let Gabby know. He drove to Lisbon's home, not knowing what he was going to say when he got there, but hoping that she would listen to him this time.


	45. It’s going to be OK or Red Badge 2

**Authors Note: **SO, I figure we all know how the episode went, and I'm more interested in the after affects, and all that jazz, so I've decided just jump ahead to the important parts. Hopefully you all will like that. Let me know what you think. And I know it's short, but if you're all nice, I may not wait a whole day before posting the next chapter.

**Disclaimer: **If they were mine, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be trying to scrounge around for a new cell phone. Stupid thing won't work for more than a day at a time, if that.

**What If? Chapter 44: It's going to be OK **or** Red Badge 2**

"Hey Dad, how'd it go with Teresa this afternoon? Did everything get worked out?" Abby asked as Jane walked by her bed room late that night.

"Oh, everything went great." Jane said, distracted by the stunt that they had both pulled to find out who the real killer had been.

"What was the problem? Why has she been acting so weird?" Abby was still sitting at the desk in her bedroom, work on homework so Jane entered, sitting on the bed so he could talk to her.

"You were right, she had been drugged, we figured out who did it, she should be ok, hopefully."

Abby looked at work she was doing, Algebra, again. She hated algabra, but figured that had moer to do with the fact that it was algebra homework she was always doing when she thought of her mom than the class itself.

"Dad, are you and Teresa going to be ok?"

The question caught Jane off guard and he opened his mouth unsure of what to say.

* * *

Lisbon sat hevaly on her sofa. She had no desire to walk up the strairs to her bedroom. Despite the way she may havce been acting earlier she was still emotionally exhausted. Knowing that she had been drugged and almost framed for murder took a lot out of her. And then there was the whole Jane thing.

She'd been wrong to push him away this past month, but she didn't know what else to do. At first it was just in relatioation to his idiotic reaction to her talking with Eric, but then, it was something else. She hadn't been feeling like herself, she was…off somehow. She knew now it was the drugs that the hack of a psychiartrist was slipping in her coffee, but it still left her off balance.

How had she not noticed that something was wrong. She had been pushing Jane away and then, when she need him the most he was there for her. And she didn't know what to think about that. They'd been joking while she sat back up her office tonight, about how much fun it had been to pull one over on the doctor, but she had still been nervous.

She wondered if it was an after effect to the drugs that the doctor had given her. What had Jane said it was? Lorazepam. She had looked it up on line when she'd finished reagrangin her office. The confusion and fatigue she'd been feeling for the last month were all results of the drugs, and as much as she didn't want to admit it, she had been unfair to Jane, she hadn't even really told him thank you for the help.

She slowly made her way to her bedroom, slipping into her pajams, not the jersey she had worn when Jane was here, but rather, a plain whit t-shirt. She would figure out what to do for Jane in the morning. Something to say she was sorry for the way she had been acting, not only towards him but Abby and P.J. as well, and also something to say thank you for his help and his support. For his love.


	46. It's Saturday

**Authors Note: **So I was looking at some stats earlier, and gosh darn it if I didn't notice the number of reviews this little story of mine has got. Now, I'm not normally one to care about things like that, but, well, WOW! Over 600 and I couldn't have done it without all of you my faithful readers, even those of you who don't review. I really appreciate it. I really do. And yes, I know it's short, but I'm posting it anyway.

**Disclaimer: **I've been freaking myself out this weekend after reading an article in TV Guide about next week's episode. If I owned them I wouldn't have had that problem, I'd know who was going to die.

**What If? Chapter 45: It's Saturday**

Lisbon woke up slowly, the sun was streaming through the window and it looked to be a beautiful fall day. Saturday, a day off. She had thought about what she was going to do for Jane while trying to sleep last night and thought that she finally had it penned down. She hadn't spent any time with him or his family in the last month, something so unlike how she had been acting. And while she knew it wasn't' 100% her fault, some of it was, and she needed to change that.

She quickly showered and dressed, there was a lot of prep work to do before she could go over to Jane's house today. She quickly picked up breakfast and two sets of tickets, it wasn't cheep, but it would be worth it.

She wasn't sure if Jane would be up at 9:00 AM, but figured someone would be, she doubted that with P.J. being so young he was still asleep. Standing on the door step she took a deep breath before knocking. She heard noises like someone scrambling to the door before it opened.

"Teresa! What are you doing here?" Abby asked excitedly.

"Well, I haven't been around very much lately, and, well, I felt bad about that. So, I thought we all might spend the day together."

"Did you bring breakfast?" She asked eyeing the pink pastry box and grocery bag in Lisbon's arm.

"I did, come on, let's go in the kitchen."

They made their way into the kitchen where P.J. was sitting in his high chair, mashing bananas with his hands. Smiling, Lisbon opened the box and pulled out a plain cake donut for P.J. "Here, you go bud, I bet this tastes better."

"Dad would get mad if he knew you were feeding P.J. a donut." Abby said, grabbing a bear claw out of the box and pouring a glass of the orange juice that Lisbon had brought.

"Well, it's his own fault for not being up." Lisbon said taking her own donut out of the box.

"Who's not up?" Jane asked walking into the kitchen.

"You, but apparently I was wrong, though, not by much." Lisbon eyed his attire, a loose pair of pajama pants and a plain white t-shirt. His hair was in complete disarray, as if he had just rolled out of bed.

"I heard voices; can you blame me for wanting to investigate?" It was a joking tone and Lisbon smiled, she was afraid that there might have been permanent damage to their relationship, but so far it seemed ok. "So, what brings you to our house so early on a Saturday?"

"I know I've been distant this past month, and I want to make up for it, so, I thought I'd take you all out for the day, so we could spend time together as a fa—as friends." She looked away, knowing that he had heard her slip, heard where she had almost called them a family, because that's what they were like, for the past year they had been like a family. Even when she had been engaged to another man, Jane, Abby and P.J. were more of a family to her than Brian had ever been.

"Really? Well, what did you have planed?" He had heard her slip, and tried not to lets his hopes soar. He hoped that with all of the stress Lisbon had been through this past month, and the past week especially, that she wasn't rushing into anything she wasn't really ready for.

"Well, I thought we'd start out with breakfast and move on from there. And a shower for you might be nice."

"Well," Jane said, reaching around Lisbon to grab a jelly donut, "If you hadn't shown up at my house unannounced at 9:00 AM on a weekend, I would have been dressed already."

"Well, hurry up already, we're bringing daylight!" Jane just smirked as he made his way out of the kitchen.

"So what do you have planned for today?" Asked Abby when she was sure that Jane was no longer in earshot.

"Well, I thought we might spend the morning at the zoo, all of us together, then, there's a visiting ballet company in town and I thought that you and I might go to see their matinee, and then, I have a surprise for your dad for tonight, but I'm going to have to see if I can find someone to watch you and P.J."

"You know, I am 13 years old. I am more than capable of watching myself."

"I know that, and you know that, but I don't think your dad knows that, and I don't want to be the one to tell him, so, I'll get someone fun to come over tonight."

"Who?"

"You know what; I'll let that be a surprise."


	47. What If She Laughs?

**Authors Note: **Has anyone ever been to the San Diego Zoo? That's the zoo in my head when I think about Zoos, so, keep that in mind. I started writing this then thought that I should probably check out the Sacramento Zoo, turns out they don't have elephants. So, we'll just pretend that for this story that the Sacramento Zoo has elephants. Sorry it's short again, I'm suffering a crisis of confidence as a writer and it's affecting my ability to churn out a chapter like I used to be.

**One a completely unrelated note: **GAH! I love tonight's ep, I think it brought back my faith in the show. I loved it, the way Bosco died was great. Just loved it and Simon Baker in this ep was just WOW, he's an awesome actor. I'm sad, but it's a good sad…ok, moving on.

**Disclaimer:** Not mine, because, you all have read what I've written, could I have done that show tonight? Really? NO.

**SPOILERS: **No, I don't think so; let's just assume that if it's been in the show, its fair game.

**What If? Chapter 46: What if she laughs?**

The zoo was beautiful and the pleasant fall morning, just cool enough so that the animals were active, but warm enough so that they didn't need jackets. Jane pushed P.J. in his stroller as they strolled along the zoo paths and trails.

"Look at the elephant P.J.!" Lisbon said pointing at the large gray animal who was trying to get a carrot out of a hanging ball.

"'Lfant!" P.J. squealed kicking his feet as Jane danced around him making elephant noises.

"Dad!" Abby said harshly, embarrassed at his antics.

"It's his job to embarrass you sweetie." Lisbon came to stand next to Abby in front of the zebras in the next exhibit. "He's your dad; I'd be worried if he didn't embarrass you."

"Was your dad like that?" Abby asked as they kept walking to look at the giraffes

"Trust me when I say that I would have loved to have a father who embarrassed me at the zoo."

"What did your dad do?"

Lisbon sighed she really didn't want to talk about her dad, but, she was trying to heal her relationship with Abby, and not being honest, or keeping things from her, especially things that were this important, wasn't the way to do it.

"I don't really like talking about it Abby, it was a long time ago. My dad didn't handle my mom's death very well, he withdrew from my brothers and me, things got bad, it would have been a relief to have him embarrass us in public because he was goofing off and having fun. Instead he would embarrass me by showing up at school drunk and yelling. It wasn't until after I had graduated high school that it came to a head and my brothers ended up going to live with my grandparents."

"Wow, Teresa, I'm really sorry. I had no idea. I know how hard it is to lose a mom; I don't know what I would have done without you and Dad." Stopping suddenly in front of the lion Abby turned and threw her arms around Lisbon in a tight bear hug. "I love you Teresa, I'm glad that you're back."

"I love you too Abby, I'm sorry I've been so distant later, I never meant to be that way." Lisbon returned the hug with just as much love and caring.

Jane stopped in front of the anteater and smiled at the two women in front of them. One might have been barely a teenager, but right now he couldn't have been prouder of her. He knew that Lisbon had been struggling with the way that their relationship had, in her mind, deteriorated in the past month, but as far as he could see nothing had changed. She was still the loving woman that treated his daughter like her own. He wondered, and not for the first time, what it would be like if she were really a member of their family.

"Come on Dad, hurry up!" Abby called turning around and breaking him from his reprieve. "We still have to eat lunch and the ballet starts in two hours, Teresa and I have to still get dressed."

"I don't understand why you both just don't want to spend the whole day with me and this little guy." Jane said, not really complaining, just rehashing the discussion they had had that morning.

"Once in a life time experience. They're going to be dancing at the same auditorium that I dance at." Turning to Lisbon as they continued to walk Abby asked, "I wonder if we could meet some of them after the show?"

"There's no harm in trying." Lisbon said with a smile.

Lunch was quick, just food from the Zoo's café and the ride back to the house seemingly quicker. Before Jane knew it he was watching Abby and Lisbon leave, trying not to stare at the uncommon sight of Lisbon in a skirt, it did him in every time.

He wandered into the TV room with P.J. and sat on the sofa, watching P.J. play with his building blocks Jane started to talk to him, there wasn't anyone else around after all.

"You know little guy, I think I love that woman. Who am I kidding; I know I love that woman." P.J. just looked at him. "Don't give me that look. It's not like I can just come out and say Lisbon, I've been in love with you since before Sarah died, will you marry me."

"Phtth." P.J. said, sticking his tongue out at Jane.

"Right, I should probably call her Teresa if I'm going to declare my undying love to her. But, I just don't know. What if she laughs, or says that she cares for me, but not in that way." He was quiet for a minute, thinking. "You know, given the option I think I'd rather she laugh at me."

Jane lay down on the sofa, watching P.J. toddle around to his play keyboard. "I know she loves Abby, she said it today at the zoo, and I know she loves you, who wouldn't, but, and I know I'm supposed to be the one who's the mind reader, but I honestly don't know. I know she cares for me, that much is obvious, but wither it extends to love and affection, or just friendship, I don't know."

P.J. walked up to Jane and climbed into his lap, wrapping his small arms as far as he could around him he said, "Uv oo daa."

"I love you too bud." He returned the hug, smiling. P.J. turned around and settled in his Jane's lap as he turned on the TV to something on NickJr. with a bear and a turtle. Not really paying attention to what was on he closed his eyes for just a moment not planning to fall asleep.

When he woke up, P.J. was dozing softly in his arms and someone was knocking at the door. Carefully getting up so as not to jostle P.J. he went to open the door.

"Cho, to what do I owe this pleasant surprise?" Jane asked, stepping aside so that Cho could enter.

"Lisbon asked me to baby sit. Really man, who wears the pants in your relationship?" He said it without a hint of humor in his voice, but there was a slight sparkle in his eye that Jane caught.

"I'm just glad she's acting more like herself, but really, why are you here? Lisbon and Abby are at the ballet, but that's all she had planed that I know of."

"I'm just here to watch the kids Jane." Cho said, taking P.J. from his arms gently. "Though, you might want to get changed, I've a feeling that she might be taking you out."

Jane just chuckled, but went up stairs anyway. He looked at the clock, he figured he had at least 20 minutes before Lisbon got back from the ballet with Abby, plenty of time for a shower. As he stepped under the hot spray he wondered what Lisbon could have planned. He hadn't even guessed, he had thought that they might spend some time together alone, but out, without the kids? They hadn't done that since…well, since Sarah had been alive. After she died Lisbon had spent lots of time with him, but not alone outside of the house.

He quickly soaped up and rinsed off, not wanting to think too much into them going out. It wasn't like it was a date or anything; it was just two friends going out together. That was it. So if he stood in front of his closet for five minutes trying to decide what to wear it was nothing but the distraction of going out with another adult, nothing to do with the fact that the adult in question was Teresa Lisbon, the woman he had loved for a while now, and nothing to do with the fact that there was no longer anything keeping them from being closer than just good friends.

Hearing the door shut down stairs and the sound of Abby's voice filtering up the stairs made him shake his head to focus. He needed to hurry. Grabbing a variation on the casual weekend outfit that he had worn earlier that day the though on a pair of khaki slacks and a plain light blue t-shirt. Looking in the mirror he realized that he needed to shave, but realized that there was no time, he could here Lisbon laughing now with Cho. He had to hurry.

Going down the stairs quickly he smiled when he saw Lisbon, she had changed, no longer in a skirt, but in a pair of jeans and a plain white t-shirt. She had never looked more beautiful to him than she did right now, holding P.J. who had woken up and laughing with Abby. The fact that Cho was there and also smiling and laughing was unimportant.

"Hey Lisbon, when'd you have time to change?" Jane said by way of announcing is presses

"We stopped by my apartment on the way back." She looked him up and down, as if appraising him. There was a flash in her eyes of something he didn't recognize in her eyes.

"So, I heard we were going out?" Jane said coming up and giving Abby a quick hug hello.

"Right, I thought I might take you out for the night, as a thank you for all of your help these past few days."

"Sounds like fun, where are we going to go?" Jane asked with a smile.

"If I told you it wouldn't be a surprise." Lisbon responded in a joking tone. "Let's get going, we don't want to be late."

Saying a quick good bye to Abby and P.J. and a quick thanks to Cho they left, heading to Lisbon's car.

"Really Lisbon, where are we going?" Jane asked one more time as they headed out of the driveway.

"Serious Jane, I'm not going to tell you."

**Authors Note: **And I mean it :)


	48. Teresa I—

**Authors Note: **I'm posting this a day early. I've got lots of fun holiday plans tomorrow and then there's the shopping on Fridays. Now that I don't work retail I don't have to worry about working on the day after Thanksgiving. Special thanks to lgmtreader for being beta on this for me and to everyone who read and reviewed. I really appreciate it. Let us assume that CBI headquarters is near Down Town Sacramento. It just needs to be for this to work.

**Disclaimer: **There are lots of things I don't own in this one, the Sacramento Kings, Jamie's Broadway Grille, the characters, the CBI, need I go on?

**What if? Chapter 47-Teresa I—**

"So, Lisbon," Jane said when they'd been driving for five minutes, "where are we going tonight?"

"Well, at first I thought I'd take you to a Kings game, but I really didn't want to be in such a big crowd after spending the morning at the zoo and the afternoon at the ballet."

"Okay, so no basketball tonight." He thought a minute. "I'm going to guess that food is involved."

"Yes, there is food involved," Lisbon said with a smile.

"Okay. So, where are we going?" Playing along for fun and to see her smile.

"We'll be there soon, it's just right near work, you probably pass it all the time." She still had the slightly playful smile on her face and Jane found that he was more focused on looking at her and the way that her smile lit up her eyes, even in the darkness of the car, than worried about where they were going to eat. He trusted her, and knew that she would pick a good restaurant.

"I'll just take your word for it," was the only response he could come up with.

"Are you ok? You're usually more talkative than that."

"I'm fine." _I just want us to pull over and make out like a couple of teenagers. _"I'm just distracted is all, you look really nice tonight."

"What, are you distracted by my beauty?" He could hear the laughter in her voice; she never had been one who could accept an honest complement, especially when it was unexpected.

"Yes actually. Your eyes just come alive when you smile, and you've been smiling more today than I've seen you smile in the past month. I love it." _Moment of truth._ "It makes me want to kiss you."

Her smile morphed into a grin and it was obvious that she was embarrassed though inwardly pleased at his words. "Cut it out Jane." He didn't correct her. He didn't want to scare her. She might have been okay with P.J. and Abby today, but she hadn't spent time with him _alone_ in quite some time, he didn't want to push it and scare her away for good.

They pulled up outside a wood shingled building that looked rundown and deserted if not for the large number of cars outside. They made their way inside and Jane looked around doubtfully. "This is the restaurant you want to go to? It looks kind of like, well, a dump."

"I know, but they make the best prime rib in town, and their clam chowder was voted best in Sacramento in 2008."

"Really?"

"Yeah, they smoke the prime rib daily, and all the soups are made in house from scratch."

"Wow." They were seated at their table in a dark corner and ordered, seafood for Jane and the prime rib for Lisbon. They talked about Abby and P.J. while they waited; how Abby was doing in school, how P.J. was getting along and the words that he knew.

"He was so cute this afternoon, he came up to me and told me he loved me," Jane said, relaying the story of his time with P.J. while Lisbon and Abby had been at the ballet earlier.

"Really? Oh, I'm sorry I missed that." Jane smiled; knowing that if Lisbon had been there, P.J. saying I love you would not have been the thing that captured her attention.

"Next time you'll just have to be sure to be there." Jane said as their food arrived. "I am going to have to try that."

"I know, doesn't it look good? And perfectly cooked. I've got to have a bite of your fish. You know they make that stock from scratch each day?"

"Interesting." Jane said, stealing a bite of her prime rib off her plate as she flaked off a piece of his fish. "And good," he said, mouth full.

"Stop talking with your mouth full, what type of example are you to the kids?" Lisbon joked, making a point to swallow before talking.

"They're not here." Jane said with a smirk.

They continued to eat, not bothering with forced small talk, only speaking when something came to them. It was relaxing to both of them to just be able to relax with each other and not have to worry about keeping up appearances.

The dinner was over far too soon for both of them and they soon found themselves out on the sidewalk outside the restaurant, just walking along the side of the street towards the river. They walked close, almost like two lovers would; only Jane was afraid to reach out and grab her hand. It wasn't until they were walking along the river that he finally got the courage up to touch just her fingers with the tips of his.

"I wanted to say I was sorry for the way that I've been acting the past month. At first it was just because of the way you overreacted when you saw Eric coming out of my office; but then, I was feeling out of sorts and knew that if I was to spend time with you, you would notice, and I couldn't handle that. You always get this look in your eyes, this look of concern, it's the same one you get when Abby comes home from school grumpy or when P.J. falls down and bumps his knee, and I just couldn't handle you looking at me like that. I'm supposed to be this strong woman, I take care of people, I don't get taken care of, and I was afraid that if you saw me weak and vulnerable that you might be ashamed of me, that you might think less of me."

Jane stopped walking, grasping her hand firmly in his to cause her to stop and turn towards him. "There is nothing, NOTHING, wrong with admitting when you can't handle something. I don't mind worrying about you, I care for you, I want to know that you're alright. All this help you've given me this past year and a half with Abby and P.J. and after Sarah died…Lisbon, I just, I don't think I would have made it without you. I know Abby wouldn't have. I wouldn't have judged you, I would have loved you, cared for you, helped you. Because that's what friends do. That's what you do when you care for someone, love someone." He looked at the ground, unsure if he should continue. When she didn't stop him he took a step towards her, putting his arms around her."Teresa, I—"

There was a loud honking noise and a bright light as a car jumped the curb and came barreling towards them. "Lisbon, watch out!" Jane shouted and before she had a chance to respond she was on the ground 5 feet away and the car had finally come to a stop on top of Jane.

**Authors Note 2:** The restaurant is real; I saw it in _Diner's Drive-ins and Dives_ on the Food Network in the episode titled "Funky Joints". Here's the website if you're interested http:// www. jamiesbroadwaygrille. com/ index. Html . Do you know how long I had this episode of Triple D saved on my DVR just waiting for a chance to use it? Since July, yeah, that long. Oh, and if you want to see the segment, it's on youtube http:// www. youtube. com/ watch?v=75TRu-ZdFxY


	49. It's Worth The Wait

**Authors Note: **No it's not Thursday. No, me posting today does not mean that there will be another update tomorrow. I've been sick and attempting to write for another fandom and it's not going well so I could use the pick me up. Besides, I've been sitting on this chapter for a few days, and if I look at it much longer the end will not be what it is here, I'll chicken out again, and we don't want that to happen, trust me. Thanks to lgmtreader for the beta.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned this a Wii just might be in my Christmas budget, since it's not, I think we can safely say they're not mine.

**What If? Chapter 48-It's Worth The Wait**

She hated waiting, the unknowing, the suspense. The paramedics hadn't let her ride along on in the ambulance; she had called Cho and he was bringing Abby and P.J., so now she just waited. And she hated it.

She wasn't family, but she flashed her badge and had gotten into the family waiting room. She knew she should be out there talking to the cops, finding out what had happened; but she didn't know why it had happened and she didn't care. She just wanted to know about Jane. Would he be alright?

She felt responsible for his being here, she knew it was irrational, but she was the one who had chosen the restaurant, she was the one who had led them to the river. She could have kept walking when he stopped her. They could have gone to the basketball game like she had planned to begin with. He had pushed her out of the way, she should be here and not him. She could have—

"Teresa!" She turned seeing Abby running towards her, Cho holding P.J. close behind. Abby threw her arms around her, enveloping her in a crushing hug.

"Abby, I'm so sorry." She didn't trust herself to say anymore, the tears she'd been holding back now flowing freely. For the second time in less than two years she was in the hospital for Jane. She felt responsible this time; even more so than the last time because they had been together when it happened. He had pushed _her_ out of the way. She should be in there with him, laid out in surgery with him, not standing out here in the cold waiting room waiting to see if he would make it. She should have pushed him out of the way…How had she missed a car barreling out of control towards them?

She wasn't sure how she ended up sitting down in one of the hard and uncomfortable chairs in the waiting room. The same one she sat on while waiting with Jane when Sarah was in this position. She'd never had any desire to do this again, but this time it was worse. Knowing the person in the operating room, loving him…

_Loving him?_ Where had that come from? She jumped, startled as P.J. ran into her lap, smiling up at her; he was his father's son. "Hi, P.J." She scooped him into her lap, giving him hug. "I love you buddy, you know that?" She softly kissed him on his forehead, tucking her head over his and smoothing her hand down his back.

Abby leaned into Lisbon. Lisbon reached her other arm around Abby to pull her into her side as well. They sat there like that, not noticing when Rigsby and Van Pelt showed up, and slowly drifted off to sleep.

* * *

A hand gently shaking her shoulder woke her; the doctor was standing by the door, waiting to talk to Jane's family, waiting to tell them the news. Quietly she untangled from Abby and handed P.J. to Van Pelt before standing and walking over to the older man.

"Mr. Jane is doing well, better than we expected. He made it through surgery without a problem. He's got a broken leg and we managed to stop all of the internal bleeding. Barring any unforeseen circumstances he should be just fine."

"When can I see him?" That was the most important thing, she needed to see him with her own to eyes, had to see if he was okay, really okay.

"When we get him settled into his room I'll have a nurse come and get you." The doctor said, patting her arm in a comforting gesture before going back through the large double doors and disappearing.

"He's going to make it." Cho said, stating the obvious, but knowing that Lisbon needed to hear it.

"Yeah, he is." Lisbon looked around the room at Abby and P.J. in Van Pelt's arms. "The kids should go home. I know Abby's probably not going to go to school tomorrow, but P.J. really sleeps better in his own bed, and if he gets woken up again he's going to be a bear in the morning."

Rigsby smirked at the care that his boss showed for Jane's kids; he never thought he'd see the day that his no-nonsense boss would be so concerned about someone else's kids. It was almost as if they were her own.

"Let us take them home, boss. I can stay with them until Gabby gets there in the morning. I'm sure they'll be fine." Van Pelt said walking up and speaking softly so as not to wake P.J.

Lisbon nodded; combing her hands through her hair she walked over to Abby, shaking her slightly. "Abby, honey, time to wake up."

"Dad?" Abby asked as she woke with a start.

"He's out of surgery; the doctors say he's going to be fine. He's got a broken leg, but other than that he's fine."

"He broke his leg again?" Abby asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Yeah, he did." She paused just looking at Abby for a minute. "Why don't you go on home with Grace? I'll wait her with your dad until he wakes up and you can come see him in the morning, okay?"

"I want to stay."

"I know, but, you need your sleep, and it's not going to help your dad any to have you sitting in a cold hospital all night and not getting any sleep."

"_You're _going to be here." Abby said in defiance.

"I know. I'll call if anything changes, but I think it'll really be better if you go home."

Abby looked at Lisbon, gauging the look in her eyes. "Fine, but if something happens and you don't call…"

"Don't worry Abby; I love you too much to do something like that."

Lisbon gave her a quick hug and a kiss before turning towards Cho. "How'd you guys get here? You don't have a car seat."

"I drove Jane's car." Lisbon raised an eyebrow. "I'd rather not have to drive it back."

"Take my car, it's out in the parking garage level 2, I've got a car seat for P.J. in there." Cho didn't say anything, but Rigsby and Van Pelt exchanged glances behind her back, why did Lisbon have a car seat for a baby in her car? Was she really spending that much time with Jane?

Lisbon watched as they all walked down the hall towards the elevator before returning to the hard chairs, now cold with no one there to keep her company.

It seemed like ages before a nurse came to find her and take her back to Jane's room. He was pale, but breathing on his own. The heart monitor was set on silence, so the only sound in the room was the sound of his gentle breath, slowly in and out. He was alive.

She pulled the only chair in the room up to his bedside and sat next to it, grasping his hand, careful of the IV tubing, and stroked the back of it with her thumb.

"Jane, I'm so sorry. I didn't see the car coming. I should be here right now, not you. You've got kids; I don't know what they would do without you. I don't know what _I_ would do without you. I've really come to depend on you these past few years. The past month when I wasn't spending all the extra time with you and the kids, I was lost. And then tonight when I took you out, I thought we were going to start healing." She paused in her talking, feeling ridiculous talking to a sleeping man.

"I don't know what I would do without you Jane. I think that…I don't know Jane. I just…" He looked down at his face, so peaceful in his drug induced sleep. "Patrick, I love you. I wanted you to know that. Before it's too late. Before something else happens to keep me from telling you. I love you; I think I've loved you for a while. I love you." She felt tears slipping down her checks again and almost laughed at the irony of the situation. All the near misses they had had over the years and she finally gets up the courage to tell him she loves him and he's sleeping, in a drugged stupor because of an accident that she felt responsible for.

She felt a slight pressure in her hand and looked over at Jane, his eyes open just slits. "I love you too."


	50. Grave Discussions

**Authors Note:** Sorry this is late. This is (was) the last week of classes. Now just finals and the semester is over! I live across the street from a working grace yard. In the past three years there have not been any raised graves put in; it's all the flat ones. Just putting that out there. Mapquest is your friend, use it. Thanks to lgmtreader for betaing this for me, even if I'd already posted it :)

**Disclaimer: **I'm pretty sure that the people who own this show are no longer in school. As I've got a good 5 or 6 years left before I'm done and can actually do what I want to…

Jane hobbled his way through the cemetery, cursing the people who designed in. The cemetery certainly hadn't been planed out for people to be walking through on crutches. He'd been at home "taking it easy" for the past month now, and he was getting stir-crazy. Lisbon wouldn't let him back to work until his cast came off and that wasn't until tomorrow. Before that happened he needed to take care of some business.

He'd never been one to give much stock in talking to grave stones but knew this was the only way to get peace of mind. He needed to have some sort of closer with Sarah, even if she had passed away more than a year ago.

He'd been to visit more than once of course, but Abby had always come along with him. Today he was alone. He needed to tell her what was happening with Lisbon. He finally managed to maneuver through the flat gravestones to the one he knew well — "Sarah Marie Jane-Beloved Wife And Mother" — and awkwardly sat down on the ground in front of it.

"Hi, Sarah. I always feel a bit silly talking to a grave, but I need to get some piece of mind. I need to tell you some things, and this is the only way I can think to do it." He looked at the shiny granite stone reflecting the light of the sun. "I'm in love with Teresa Lisbon. I know, you suspected it for a long time; and I'll admit; I loved her for longer than I should have, but I needed to tell you. Why am I telling you this now? She loves me too. I was hit by a car while I was out with her the other night, and I think it made her realize that life was too short to wait; and well, when I woke up after surgery she was there talking to me and she said that she loved me."

He looked up at the towering trees that surrounded the graveyard and smiled. For the first time in months he felt free. "I know I wasn't always fair to you when you were still here. I know that you thought there was something there with me and Lisbon; but there wasn't."

He thought for a minute. How much did he really want to tell a patch of grass with a really expensive rock on it? Then he reminded himself this wasn't about the setting, it was about the peace of mind. Before he could go on with what he had planned for this evening he needed to get it all off his chest. He needed to move into this new relationship with a clear head.

"The day we found out about P.J. I was coming home to tell you that I thought I was in love with Lisbon—Teresa." He shook his head. "It's hard to call her that even now. Teresa; it really is a beautiful name. I was coming home to tell you that as much as I cared about you, I loved her more. I was coming to tell you that maybe we didn't need to keep trying to save our relationship. I know we both had an inkling that it wasn't working anyway; I know you were at the point too. I know you loved Eric. If it hadn't been for P.J. things would have ended so differently."

* * *

100 miles away a similar conversation was taking place. Lisbon didn't often travel to San Francisco to visit her mothers' grave, but this was a special occasion. She had made a similar trek the day after Brian proposed to her. She hadn't been nearly as happy as she was today. She quickly found the grave in an older part of the cemetery, her mother and father hadn't been buried next to each other, there hadn't been a plot left in the same section when he died, and she hadn't cared enough to even get them close to each other. But that didn't matter now, what mattered was that she was here to talk to her mom.

"I'm in love. I know; I came before telling you I was getting married, that I didn't know if I loved him, but this is a different guy. It was a mistake before, I know that now. I think the only reason I said that I would marry him is that I wanted what Patrick had, the family, the love. I remember being there in the restaurant watching him with Sarah and Abby, realizing that they were having another baby, realizing that if I didn't get on it soon that I wasn't going to be able to have that. I think, even then, that I realized that it was Patrick I really wanted; but Brian was there, the first available man to come along and ask, and so I said yes. It was never right."

She sighed, settling further into the grass and rearranging the bouquet of flowers that she had brought. It was a rather nice day in San Francisco; she found herself wishing that her whole purpose for coming hadn't been to go to the cemetery.

"I remember the first time I realized that I might have more than 'just friend's' feelings for him. I was at my engagement party and he called my cell phone, only I didn't have it on me. When I finally listened to the message he left, it was him in his car right after the car crash." She had to pause, even now, over a year later, she still felt herself getting choked up at the panic she felt when she'd gotten that phone call.

"I realized that I didn't know what I'd do if something happened to him. When he was hit with the car just last month…I knew that I had to do something, that I loved him. Life's just too short not to act on feelings like that." She looked up at the sun, quickly falling towards the east and smiled. "He's got something planed for tonight. He thinks I don't know, but I do. Abby can't keep a secret. Well, she can; she didn't tell me _what_ he had planned; just that it was going to be good. Have I told you about Abby and P.J.?

"Abby is…oh, wow, 13 and a half already. She's growing up so fast. I first met her when she was just a little girl, and now she's a teenager. We're going to have to teach her to drive soon." She paused when she realized that she'd assumed that she would be helping Jane teach Abby to drive. "She loves to dance, she's really good. I know she's thinking of asking Patrick to go to dance camp this summer. There's a really good one in New York and I know that she could get in.

"And P.J., he's what, 18 months now? He's walking, he's got most of his teeth, he's even talking. It's amazing to see how big he's getting. I spend so much time with them it's almost like were a family."

She smiled at the thought. She didn't know at this point if she'd ever have children of her own, but realized that Abby and P.J. had become like her children in the past year and a half. What would she ever do without them?

"I love you Mom, I've got to go though; dinner's in a couple of hours. Abby's cooking, and I can't wait to see what Patrick has planned."


	51. The Kiss

**Author's Note: **I wrote this in the car on my way to the airport. The airport is a good hour and half away, so it's believable. I know, this is late by like 2 weeks, but with Christmas and my sister had a baby (he's soo cute, I'm going to get to see him, hence the going to the air port) I just ran out of time. But here it is. And this could be the last. Well, except for an epilogue and maybe another scene… I'll think about it.

**Disclaimer: **Oh please, do you really think I own them?

**What if? Chapter 50: The Kiss**

Lisbon was nervous. She felt silly for it, but it didn't change the fact. It was just dinner with Jane and his family; she'd done that hundreds of times in the past, and almost daily since the accident and their mutual declarations of love. Maybe it was the unknown factor. She didn't know what he was going to do and had proclaimed this a special night. She wondered why tonight and not tomorrow. Tomorrow he was getting his cast off, tomorrow they could do… _things_ that they couldn't do today. She knew that Jane had been in love with her for a while, and knew that, even though they'd only been _dating_ for about a month now, their relationship was much older than that.

She took one last look in her mirror at the outfit she had chosen. If it had been just the two of them out to dinner at a fancy restaurant she might have picked something a bit more revealing, but as she was sure that Abby and P.J. would be joining them for dinner she chose a more conservative outfit, in theory. Now looking at the form-fitting midnight blue dress she wondered. Sure, it was knee length and cut high so as not to show even a hint of cleavage; it clung to her curves in a way that made her glad she'd kept going to the gym every morning even though her initial reason for going had been to avoid Brian.

Sighing, she slipped into a pair of high heels and checked her hair and makeup, all in perfect order. She looked at the clock on the wall and sighed again, time to go.

* * *

Jane hurried around the kitchen as fast as he could on his broken leg. He'd rushed home from the cemetery so he could start cooking for Lisbon and now he was wondering if maybe he should have gone to visit Sarah a little earlier in the day. The tenderloin was cooked to perfection, but the potatoes were still baking; and while the chocolate cake was done cooking, the homemade ice cream Abby had talked him into making to go with it wasn't done chilling yet, it still had another hour or two to go before it would be of the right consistency.

He stopped in his tracks and mentally shook himself. There was no reason he should be nervous. This was Lisbon, his precious Teresa; she'd been over to his house to eat more times than he could count. She'd cooked in his kitchen with him and his children; she'd cooked in his kitchen by herself. He didn't know why he was so nervous. Maybe it was the thought of what he was doing tonight. He'd told her it was going to be a special night, and it was, but he still couldn't help feel a little silly.

"Dad!" Abby called from the doorway to the kitchen. "Wake up, you've got to finish the salad, and Teresa's supposed to be here soon."

"Right, salad." He hobbled towards a stack of vegetables on the counter and started chopping.

"Nervous?" Abby asked, coming up to lean against the counter next to him.

"Me? Never."

"Do you forget whose daughter I am? You might not want me to follow in your footsteps, but I've picked up a few things over the years, and one of them is how to tell people are lying. And you, my dear Dad, are lying."

He smirked at the vegetables. She really was his daughter. "OK, so maybe I'm nervous a bit, but, in my defense, I haven't done this in… 20 years?" The last was a question as he went through his relationship with Sarah, trying to find the point where he was at now with Lisbon, just so he could have it right. "No, closer to 22 years at this point," he amended.

"That's a long time, Dad; are you sure you're up to it? Maybe you want to wait another 20 and see if Teresa is still waiting for you then?"

"No, that's ok, Abby. I'll do it tonight." Jane looked back down at the vegetables, only half cut because of the distraction of the conversation with Abby. "Now, leave the kitchen or pick up a knife and help because she'll be home soon. I mean here soon." He kept chopping, smiling at his inadvertent slip and wishing that she really would be _home_ soon.

* * *

Lisbon stood in front of Jane's front door, thinking. She hadn't knocked since just after Sarah had died, and for the past six months she'd even had her own key. But tonight… this felt different, she felt like she needed to announce her presence differently than she usually did, which was either already being on the phone with Jane when she walked in, or just calling out when she came in. Tonight she was going to ring the doorbell and see what happened.

Waiting for someone to answer felt like an eternity, but was really just a few seconds. When Abby opened the door she smiled; this was going to be easy, she'd done this before. It was Abby, she was friends with Abby, and Abby with her; this was going to be easy. She wondered idly if she kept telling herself that it would really happen.

"Teresa, you look great! I love your dress." They shared a quick hug as Lisbon came in. "Let me tell Dad you're here. He's been so nervous tonight, I think he'll be better now that you're here."

Lisbon watched as Abby walked towards the kitchen, her words having done nothing but stir up her worry from before. She had just sat on the sofa when P.J. came running out of the hall and into her arms.

"Tesa!" Lisbon swept him on to her lap and gave him a fierce hug.

"Hey little man, how are you doing tonight?" P.J. didn't answer; she wasn't expecting him to anyway. He just leaned in and gave her a rather wet kiss on her check.

"Uv oo." He said in his unique brand of baby talk.

"I love you too. You know you're a very lucky baby. You have the best dad and big sister. When I was younger I always wanted a big sister. But, you know, I had three younger brothers and they were always fed up with me, so maybe you don't feel so lucky to have a big sister."

Ignoring her completely P.J. grabbed one of her hands and put it on his stomach, "tikl!"

Lisbon laughed and began to wiggle her fingers around on his belly and grinned as he started to screech with laughter and wriggle in her lap.

"Out here having fun without us, are you?" Jane asked from behind her. Lisbon stopped what she was doing and looked behind to see him standing there, dressed in a pair of black slacks and a crisp white shirt that was slightly unbuttoned.

"He asked." She responded as she stood to face him, bringing P.J. with her and holding him on her hip.

"Dinner's ready." Jane said taking in the scene before him. The woman he loved holding his child. He didn't know if there was a more wonderful sight.

They ate slowly, enjoying each other's company and the mess P.J. was making with his food. He'd ended up with more potatoes in his hair than his mouth, but to no one's surprise his meat was the first thing gone off his plate.

They had just finished and Jane was announcing what was for desert when Abby stood up. "You know what, Dad? I think I'll have my cake later. I'll go take P.J. and give him his bath and get him ready for bed."

Lisbon looked at her oddly. Abby might be a caring sister, but giving P.J. a bath was one of the things she hated to do. She wondered why she was volunteering now, but figured it had something to do with whatever Jane had planned to make it a special evening.

Lisbon waited until Jane had brought back the cake and ice cream before speaking. "This has been a really great dinner, Patrick. I really enjoyed it. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Teresa." They ate a few bites in silence, both lost in thought, Lisbon nervous about what Jane had planned for the evening and Jane nervous about the question he was going to be asking later.

"Teresa, I love you," he said, finally gathering his courage up around him. "I was wondering…" He faltered, cleared his throat and began again, looking into her eyes from where he sat next to her at the table. "Teresa..." he gave a sort of half-laugh, half-cough, grabbed her hands in his, and began again. "This is the last time I take dating advice from a thirteen year old. Teresa, will you be my girlfriend?"

Lisbon tried not to laugh; it was sweet, not something she thought Jane was ever going to ask, and she tried not to let her amusement show in her face and her voice. "Of course I will, Patrick, you know I will. I love you, too."

Jane smiled a look of relief on his face. "I got you something." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box and handed it to her.

"I know you don't like anything other than your watch on your wrist, and you already have your cross, but I still wanted to get you something." He opened the box to reveal a pair of emerald and diamond drop earrings. They weren't large by any means, but still elegant and lovely.

"Oh, Patrick, they're gorgeous!" She took the box from his hand and fingered the earrings gently. She leaned towards him and pressed a gentle kiss on his lips before pulling back and whispering, "Thank you, Patrick."

Jane just smiled, taking the box from her hand and placing it on the table. He placed a hand on her cheek, and she leaned into his soft touch. He leaned in again, pressing a kiss to her lips, bringing his arms around her; one hand on her neck to hold her to him, the other splayed on her back to feel as much of her as he could. Lisbon brought both her hands up to rest on his shoulders, and as they deepened the kiss she let her hands roam, one to the nape of his neck to play in the curls there, the other down low, towards his waist.

Lisbon leaned closer and shifted in her seat, trying to get as close as she could to Jane while still sitting, when a very wet little boy landed in her lap. "Tesa!"

"P.J., you're naked," Lisbon said, pulling away from Jane reluctantly.

"P.J. get back here!" Abby's voice came from down the hallway. "Sorry," she said coming into the kitchen with a towel in her hand, "he got away from me."

"That's ok." Lisbon said, smiling at her. She looked down at the wet boy in her lap and realized that, no matter how long it had taken, or how long it was still going to take, that this is where she was happy, and that was really all that mattered.


	52. Epilouge

**Authors Note: **So this is it folks. I have to admit, this is hard for me to let go, it's been with me for almost 9 months now, that's a long time. I could have let it end at the last chapter, but i wanted one last chance at happily ever after. As this is the last AN for this story, i want to take the chance to thank everyone who read and reviewed this, especially those who come across a fic that's 50 chapters long and still read it. A special thanks to mwalter1 who has reviewed, I think, every chapter of everything I've written, and lilsmiles, who's reviews to this always make me smile, not matter who crappy I feel, cause they're just fun. A special thanks to every one who's been with me from the beginning, and especially to Ebony10, lgmtreader, and Eve215 who all have at one point or another served as beta for this little fic of mine. This never would have gone this far if it wasn't far if it wasn't for you. And because I hate naming people by name cause you always forget someone, thanks to everyone else out there that I've talked to about this.

**Disclaimer: **I own this computer, my i pod, and a new camera. I don't own The Mentalist, unless the season 1 DVD's count, which I'm pretty sure they don't.

**What if? Epilogue **

Lisbon looked in the mirror and sighed. She couldn't believe it was really happening. The last of her things had been moved out of her apartment yesterday. And today… Today was the day she had waited two years for. She could laugh now thinking about it. How many 40-year-old men ask if someone will be their girlfriend? But Jane did and it was oh so very sweet. She looked down at the ring on her finger.

One year to the day that he had asked her to be his girlfriend, he had asked her to marry him. She had been expecting it; they had after all talked about getting married, but it was still a surprise. They had gone out to the same little hole-in-the-wall restaurant that she had taken them to on what Jane laughingly referred to as their first real date. Then he had taken her on that same walk that had ended so badly the year before and got down on one knee. It still caused her to get teary-eyed thinking about it and she quickly dabbed at her eyes so as not to smear her make up before the ceremony.

A year after that night here they were. Chairs had been set up in his backyard next to the pool, and there was an archway of white roses and daisies. She had yet to spend a night alone with Jane. His idea, and supported by her. He wanted to set a good example for Abby. It seemed to have worked. Just a few months before Abby had shown up at her apartment out of the blue to talk with her.

"_Hey Abby, what's up?"_

"_You once told me that I could talk to you about anything, anytime, right?"_

"_That's right, anytime you need to or want to I'm here for you."_

"_You know I've been seeing Brandon for a few months now and well… I can't talk to my dad about this, and my friends at school are no help… He says he loves me, but he keeps pressuring me to have sex with him."_

"_How do you feel about it?"_

"_I don't know. I don't think I'm ready, but he says he loves me, and I don't want to disappoint him…"_

"_Let me tell you something I'm sure you never wanted to know. You dad and I haven't had sex yet. It's not because we don't love each other; in fact, I love him more than any I've ever loved anyone. But we both agreed that by waiting it would be all that more special when it did happen."_

"_Wait, so even though you've been engaged for almost a year and are getting married in like three months you haven't had sex yet?"_

"_Nope."_

"_Then how do you know… How do you know if he'll be any good or not?"_

"_Sometimes, when you love someone that's all that matters."_

She had been waiting for tonight to happen for so long, and now it finally was. A knock at the door startled her from her thoughts, and she called out for whoever was there to enter.

"Teresa, we're ready for you."

Lisbon stood and looked at her maid of honor. "Thanks, Abby."

She made her way down the stairs, grateful that she had gone with an elegant and unfussy dress that didn't have a lot of extra adornment. It was a charmeuse cap sleeve gown with a bodice that almost looked like it wrapped around, and a train that just brushed the floor when she walked. She'd worn her hair down and no veil, just the earrings that Jane had given her on that night two years ago.

Lisbon and Jane had settled on only two attendants each. In addition to Abby as her maid of honor, she had chosen Van Pelt, who was now waiting at the bottom of the stairs for her, as her bridesmaid. Jane had picked Cho as his best man and Rigsby as groomsman for one simple reason: Cho was shorter than Jane, and standing next to him wouldn't make Jane look short like standing next to Rigsby would. They had been told by the taller one to still expect a speech from him at the reception.

The flower girl was one Lisbon's younger nieces, and P.J., dressed in a miniature version of his father's tux, was the ring bearer. The ceremony was short and sweet, just the way they both wanted.

The reception was held at a reception hall near the CBI, with almost all of the people they worked with coming. Even though it was one heck of a party, if asked, most people would say it was the speeches that were the best part of it.

Cho as the best man went first. "I'm the best man by default. I'm shorter than Jane, so, way to make a guy feel good, Jane. But seriously. I've known these two for several years, and watched the love between them blossom. I've seen them each go through some pretty rough times, and yet they drew together and helped each other out of those rough times. I've known Lisbon for… I don't even want to think about how long, and to see her so happy now, it's been too long." He paused and looked over at the couple sitting near him and raised his glass. "Congratulations, you two."

Rigsby went next, having promised to do a speech and not wanting to disappoint. "I'm NOT the best man, apparently Jane doesn't want to look like a small man. I started working on the team at work the same time Jane did, and I've got to say, I didn't think I'd ever be standing here doing this. Never thought he'd be more than just a pain in the ass. But I've watched him change and grow through adversity, and much of it because of Lisbon's influence on him, and her friendship and finally love for him and so here we are, and I wish you all the most happiness."

Abby and Van Pelt went next, not wanting to be left out of the happy wishes that were being sent the way of the happy couple.

"What I love most about these two," Van Pelt said, standing and facing Jane and Lisbon, "is how they are able to form a new family again. I think many of us would never have pegged Teresa as a mother, but when tragedy overtook Patrick's family, Teresa was there. First she was a friend to all, and especially she was a much-needed friend to Abby. And then she fell in love with little PJ too, and suddenly it wasn't such a stretch. Teresa and Patrick of course have been through both good and bad times, and that has just made their love grow stronger. But beyond that, together the four form a beautiful family. Congratulations to all of you."

Abby started addressing the crowd of people sitting at the tables in the room. "When my mom died, a part of me died too. I thought a part of our family died. But as Grace said, Teresa has been a true friend to me. She's been a friend for longer than I realized I needed one. She has cared for me, cared about me, cared about my dad. She loves my little brother, as much as our mom would have. We are lucky to have her in our lives, and lucky that my dad finally figured it out, no matter how long that took." She turned towards the couple sitting next to her now, addressing them, "I love you Teresa, I love you, Dad. Congratulations!"

Jane was the second to last to go. He knew that Lisbon should have a chance to say something, but he had drawn the short straw. Of course, he'd been hoping to be able to stand there and tell all of their friends just how he felt about the woman sitting next to him.

"My dear Teresa. You started out as a friend and now have become so much more. You've been there for me in my life when I didn't have anyone else, and you've been the one thing I could always count on. And despite all of my flaws, you still seem to love not only me, but my children as well. I'm so lucky that you picked me to spend the rest of your life with."

Lisbon, for what reason she was still wondering, now that she was teary eyed and choked up, was the last speech. "I don't know how we decided I was going to go last. I'm all choked up now. Um, when I first met Patrick I thought he was going to be nothing more than an arrogant, pompous know-it-all. And here today, I know that in addition to being an arrogant, pompous know-it-all he's also the most caring and loving man I have ever met. I didn't know I could love so unconditionally like this until I loved him and Abby and P.J. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you all in my life, but especially Patrick. Before I loved you, you were my best friend. Now that we're married, you're my best friend and so much more. I love you with all my heart."

The rest of the party went quickly and before they realized it they were off to the honeymoon, a long weekend in a hotel by the beach. Just a few hours away; in case there was an emergency they could come back quickly. After all they'd been through, all the ups and downs, they knew they could weather anything together. They knew that though life would not always be filled with simple fun and times would not always be happy, yet they were soul mates, and they had finally found true happiness in each other.

**Authors Note: **Lisbon's dress, just take out the spaces. http:// www. davidsbridal. com/ webapp/ wcs/ stores/ servlet/ ProductDisplayView?storeId=10052&catalogId=10051&categoryId=-49995498¤tIdx;=16&subCategory=-49999486|-49995498&catentryId=6142360&sort=


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